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Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike


Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I Might Owe Royalties

Here I am, not working tonight and still thinking about work.  I plan to pop onto to literotica.com and do a little research.  I need to find a masturbation fantasy that doesn't bore the daylights out of me.  I have been told by more than one trainer that callers love masturbation fantasies but, since they bore me, I haven't got one memorized.  Since I 'lost' the one I used successfully, I need to replace it.

A friend of mine who is very uncomfortable about what I do for a living finally worked up the courage to ask me about being a PSO.  She's read the blog, even though like the rest of my friends, she doesn't have the guts to sign up for my blog.  They don't want it to show up on their pages and to have to explain me or my jobs to their families.  I understand even though it makes me feel like I'm talking to myself with this thing.  OK, I acknowledge that I am talking to myself with this blog.  There's just something about knowing that people read it without wanting anyone know they read it that makes me feel...uncomfortable.  Oh well.  Once again, phone sex is someone's dirty, little secret.

Anyway, she asked me what I do think about when I'm talking to a caller I am just performing for and not actually conversing with.  (We had a conversation on what the difference is.)  Well, it depends on the caller's fantasy, is the answer.  The best way I can explain this is by example.  A lot of callers want a boyfriend present as part of their fantasy.  Monkeyboy and Mr. Gross-and-Boring are just 2 callers who always want a boyfriend present because, in their minds, interacting with the 'boyfriend' is the sexual fantasy.  The woman (or girl) is just there to tell the story and to make them feel that they are not indulging in a homosexual fantasy.  (Even though, they are.)  Honestly, I am trying to picture the character I play in a room with the caller and the 'boyfriend' I have created.  That's why details are so important to me and why Mr. Gross-and-Boring drives me up a wall.  His fantasy grosses me out, so I need to focus on my interaction with the boyfriend to make it tolerable to me.  He prefers me to focus my attention on him, the boyfriend is just a cock to him.  To be clear, the details of Mr. Gross-and-Boring aren't that bad.  I've certainly heard much worse since working as a PSO.  He just has an incredible talent for describing sex in a way that makes me gag.

The first time I talked to Mr. Gross-and-Boring, I focused on my interaction with the boyfriend and pictured a character actor named Jimmi Simpsom.  I had recently watched an old movie called Stay Alive where he plays a character named Phineus and had started watching Breakout Kings.  His performance as the character is what came to mind when asked to supply a boyfriend.  I could imagine 'Phineus' being twisted enough to enjoy having his cock sucked by a middle age man while his girlfriend watched.  It worked for a little while until Mr. Gross-and-Boring started pushing for what he considered more important; less detail about the boyfriend (all he wants is a very large cock) and no detail about the environment, more focus on my enjoyment of his porn star cock-sucking performance.  Some men find it impossible to understand that the shit they see women enjoying in porn is not something that most women really enjoy.  When he started insisting on adding me slapping my boyfriend's cock against his tongue (along with a few other porn popular behaviors) because he was sure that I would find all of that crap incredibly sexy, I got fed up with him and his dumb-ass fantasy.  That's really what annoys me about Mr. Gross-and Boring, he thinks that he is talking to a real woman who acts and thinks like a porn character.  That's why he thought he was paying me a compliment when he called me a 'sexy bitch'.  He tries to appeal to me as a person while assuming that the person I am is my persona.  When I state, emphatically, that I am not, he ignores what I have said and keeps trying to talk to my persona.

But, I digress.  When I need to pull another character into a fantasy, I'm usually picturing a character from a movie or television show I watch.  I don't use the character's name (or the actor's) but, that's what I am envisioning when I am constructing the fantasy.  A lot of callers want my boyfriend to be Black.  It's part of their vision of what a slut should be.  I used to try to picture a Black actor but, it doesn't work for me expect for Idris Alba.  One time, a caller wanted to have the typical homoerotic fantasy with a trashy white girl and her trashy Black boyfriend.  I changed the boyfriend to an extremely successful business man who happens to be Black and has a taste for getting his cock sucked in front of his girlfriend by trashy white submissive men and ran with it.

The caller never knew what hit him but, he didn't hang up.

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