Things have gotten weird at the hosting company I use. My favorite supervisor has been taken over by mind controlling, alien brain slugs. I have not been connected to any of my regulars in days. I have, however, been connected to some of the worst callers available on a daily basis. Chronic and unrepentant Short Timers as far as the eye can see. It might just be luck of the draw but, my paranoia says 'shenanigans'.
So I am going to try a different hosting company tonight. The set up is different and the rules are much more stringent. I am, as I expected, experiencing, horrible stage fright. I also know myself. If I don't dive into the deep end of the pool right away, I will talk myself out of trying new things. It's hard to be impulsive when my livelihood is involved.
Wish me luck
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
I Don't Fucking Think So
A sample of one call I took Saturday night....
"Hi sweetie," said caller.
"Hello." Have I mentioned how much I hate callers who start off already in their sexy/creepy personas? "What's your name?"
"Robbie," the caller replied with a simpering giggle. "I've been naughty," he confides. Middle age Midwestern men should never try to sound cute and creepy at the same time. It totally grosses me out and makes me want to call in a tactical airstrike on their worthless asses.
"And what have you been doing that makes you so naughty?" Please let this be something I can turn into a long call, I think with dwindling hope.
"I've been in your little daughter's room. . ." And now my hope for a long call is dead and buried. "She's in there playing with her little friend. . ."
"Oh I don't fucking think so, Robbie," I interrupted with an evil laugh.
Dead silence for a moment. "And why is that?" he asked with a much more normal sounding voice. Now, I can listen to his hope dwindle along with my own. We are not going to have a meeting of the minds when it comes to sexual fantasy.
"You're still breathing."
"What?"
"You. Are. Still. Breathing," I repeat with more precise ennunciation. "If you attempted to enter my daughter's room where she is having a sleepover with her friends, she would take one look at you and start screaming her head off and, before I could even jump out of bed, one of our rottweilers would charge in and rip out your femoral artery. I would arrive just in time to watch you bleed out, Robbie."
More dead silence
"Care to try again, Robbie?"
And he hangs up.
"Hi sweetie," said caller.
"Hello." Have I mentioned how much I hate callers who start off already in their sexy/creepy personas? "What's your name?"
"Robbie," the caller replied with a simpering giggle. "I've been naughty," he confides. Middle age Midwestern men should never try to sound cute and creepy at the same time. It totally grosses me out and makes me want to call in a tactical airstrike on their worthless asses.
"And what have you been doing that makes you so naughty?" Please let this be something I can turn into a long call, I think with dwindling hope.
"I've been in your little daughter's room. . ." And now my hope for a long call is dead and buried. "She's in there playing with her little friend. . ."
"Oh I don't fucking think so, Robbie," I interrupted with an evil laugh.
Dead silence for a moment. "And why is that?" he asked with a much more normal sounding voice. Now, I can listen to his hope dwindle along with my own. We are not going to have a meeting of the minds when it comes to sexual fantasy.
"You're still breathing."
"What?"
"You. Are. Still. Breathing," I repeat with more precise ennunciation. "If you attempted to enter my daughter's room where she is having a sleepover with her friends, she would take one look at you and start screaming her head off and, before I could even jump out of bed, one of our rottweilers would charge in and rip out your femoral artery. I would arrive just in time to watch you bleed out, Robbie."
More dead silence
"Care to try again, Robbie?"
And he hangs up.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Delightfully Raunchy
I have a few rules I expect callers to follow when I start talking to them. First of all, I going to say my name and ask them for theirs. I don't know (and don't care) if a caller gives me his real name. I just want something to call him other than 'baby'. I'm going to ask him for a location. Again, I don't really give a damn what the answer is. I do this because I need to hear a caller speak so I can get a lock on his voice to better understand him while he is speaking. Though, I have noticed a few patterns. Callers from New York tend to go in extremes. They are either very good to talk to, (there is a sub in New York City who is always fun) or very bad. Most of my extreme fetish calls are coming out of New York. The Incest is Best Recruiter is from New York. That guy has so many fetishes I don't think he knows what Vanilla sex is.
I will also ask for a brief description. I do this because almost every caller bases his decision on whether or not he is going to speak to a PSO based on the description she gives. As if it matters what I look like. I could be a 300 pound purple alien with multiple eye stalks and a bad fungal infection of the skin for all a caller knows about me. Plus, a lot of men don't know what the numbers they so desperately crave really mean. They have no idea how a woman's bra size translates into the size of her tits. Or what a weight to height ratio really is. I once described myself as 5'8'' and 108 pounds to a caller just to test him and he told me I needed to lose weight. Actually, his kink was trying to make a PSO feel bad about her appearance. I talked to him several times over the course of a few days and, no matter what, he criticized my appearance. Tall, short, fat, thin, big boobs or small, didn't matter. He wanted to hear a PSO disparage her appearance and talk about the lengths she would go to change it, if she could. He also enjoyed adding to the abuse with a little verbal humiliation, telling me that boys thought I was ugly and I should be thankful to any boy who ever lowered his standards to fuck me. It was very hard not to laugh at this asshole.
I also strongly discourage callers from trying to start a call while already in what they think is their 'sexy persona'. Oh god, please stop doing that. Midwestern men especially sound horrible when they are trying to be sexy. It's worse than fingernails on a chalk board. They, almost universally, pitch their voices a little higher than normal and tack this whiny little 'hmm?' at the end of every statement. For example; "You must be a really naughty, kinky, girl, hmm?" It is one of the most disgusting sounds I have ever heard and so many of them do it. Mr Gross and Boring does it, it's one of the many reasons I cannot stand talking to him. There is a guy who has an incredibly nasal sounding voice who is the worst. I put my hand over the mic when I hear him because he'll ask me if I am in the mood to be a naughty girl for him as soon as I say hello. I hear that nasal whine of his and I lose it. At lot of them beg, and I really do mean beg, for sex. There is a guy who calls me 'honey-baby' (all one word) and begs me to come, incessantly, from the beginning of the call to the end, whining the entire time. Luckily, he doesn't call often.
Yet, there are callers who consistently break those rules and I let them get away with it. The Acolyte rarely talks about himself. It took me several calls for me to find out anything about him. He always starts out in persona and wants to jump into his fantasy right away. At first, I hated his guts because of that and the fact that he really does expect me to keep track of his particular kink and remember the details from call to call. The only way I could get a long call out of him was to match him with my own Domme persona right from the beginning and carefully log the details of each call. It's worth the effort, talking to the Acolyte keeps my call time average very high and I have gotten used to him. He was also the only caller who realized I had a nasty cold last week and broke persona long enough to wish that he could bring me chicken soup and admonish me to take care of myself. He also waited patiently for my coughing spells to stop so I could continue with his fantasy. I covered the phone so callers couldn't hear me but, my timing wasn't always perfect on that maneuver. Most callers will immediately hang up if a PSO coughs or sneezes.
Most black callers are the same way, though only one of them have a fetish as disturbing as the Acolyte's. They start out in persona and want to jump right into their fantasies like they are springing off a dive board. They want to hear about how big my ass is and usually talk about how unattractive they find skinny women, especially skinny white women. Most of them are delightfully raunchy. If I show the slightest amount of genuine enthusiasm about sex, they are overjoyed. They are also respectful (I am excluding Who Dis from this description. He is the exception that makes the rule) or can be made to be respectful very quickly. Black men tend to like my sass and my inability to act submissive. If they start out pushy and I threaten to bite them, they tend to laugh in surprise and then ask me what I want to do to them. Black men tend to like me to take the lead. The ones who don't, just want a willing participant in their fantasy. The only caller I will call 'Daddy' is black and deserves a gold medal in the phone sex fantasy Olympics. He starts out a call by asking if his 'baby girl' missed him and then goes on to describes what we are doing, in vivid detail, for the next half hour. I can say one thing, he has one hell of an imagination. I barely get a word in. I just take notes while I am listening to him and let him run. The one with the really bad fetish either reads too many fuck books or has the most fucked up family life imaginable. Since he seems to have never run into a woman who isn't completely dick-dazzled within minutes of meeting him, I am guessing that he just reads a lot of badly written porn.
I always wonder about the callers who tell me fantastical stories of their sexual escapades in deadpan voices as if they are giving a speech in English class. Are they trying to shock me? If so, the only thing that I find shocking is the fact that they think I will find their lurid recitations thrilling. The Architect with his tale of sexual exploitation by his 12 year old goddaughter, the Pathetic Call Center Boy with his flashing and his sexual adventures committed with female family members, or even Twincest and his tale of being sodomized by his brother as a child and his own son as an adult. There are others like the Disgusting Little Booger who can barely string together a coherent sentence but, assures me that he is so desirable that teenage girls pay him for sex.
Other than Twincest, all of these callers have one thing in common; they are convince that all women care about is the size of a man's cock and, of course, they are packing a big one. They tell me their tales and expect...what exactly? That I will be as dick-dazzled as the women in their stories? That hearing about their prowess will make me come in an instant, shrieking in pleasure? They are in for a very long wait, if that is what they are calling for. Unlike the Delightfully Raunchy callers I find entertaining as hell, these men with their ridiculous stories just leave me cold.
I will also ask for a brief description. I do this because almost every caller bases his decision on whether or not he is going to speak to a PSO based on the description she gives. As if it matters what I look like. I could be a 300 pound purple alien with multiple eye stalks and a bad fungal infection of the skin for all a caller knows about me. Plus, a lot of men don't know what the numbers they so desperately crave really mean. They have no idea how a woman's bra size translates into the size of her tits. Or what a weight to height ratio really is. I once described myself as 5'8'' and 108 pounds to a caller just to test him and he told me I needed to lose weight. Actually, his kink was trying to make a PSO feel bad about her appearance. I talked to him several times over the course of a few days and, no matter what, he criticized my appearance. Tall, short, fat, thin, big boobs or small, didn't matter. He wanted to hear a PSO disparage her appearance and talk about the lengths she would go to change it, if she could. He also enjoyed adding to the abuse with a little verbal humiliation, telling me that boys thought I was ugly and I should be thankful to any boy who ever lowered his standards to fuck me. It was very hard not to laugh at this asshole.
I also strongly discourage callers from trying to start a call while already in what they think is their 'sexy persona'. Oh god, please stop doing that. Midwestern men especially sound horrible when they are trying to be sexy. It's worse than fingernails on a chalk board. They, almost universally, pitch their voices a little higher than normal and tack this whiny little 'hmm?' at the end of every statement. For example; "You must be a really naughty, kinky, girl, hmm?" It is one of the most disgusting sounds I have ever heard and so many of them do it. Mr Gross and Boring does it, it's one of the many reasons I cannot stand talking to him. There is a guy who has an incredibly nasal sounding voice who is the worst. I put my hand over the mic when I hear him because he'll ask me if I am in the mood to be a naughty girl for him as soon as I say hello. I hear that nasal whine of his and I lose it. At lot of them beg, and I really do mean beg, for sex. There is a guy who calls me 'honey-baby' (all one word) and begs me to come, incessantly, from the beginning of the call to the end, whining the entire time. Luckily, he doesn't call often.
Yet, there are callers who consistently break those rules and I let them get away with it. The Acolyte rarely talks about himself. It took me several calls for me to find out anything about him. He always starts out in persona and wants to jump into his fantasy right away. At first, I hated his guts because of that and the fact that he really does expect me to keep track of his particular kink and remember the details from call to call. The only way I could get a long call out of him was to match him with my own Domme persona right from the beginning and carefully log the details of each call. It's worth the effort, talking to the Acolyte keeps my call time average very high and I have gotten used to him. He was also the only caller who realized I had a nasty cold last week and broke persona long enough to wish that he could bring me chicken soup and admonish me to take care of myself. He also waited patiently for my coughing spells to stop so I could continue with his fantasy. I covered the phone so callers couldn't hear me but, my timing wasn't always perfect on that maneuver. Most callers will immediately hang up if a PSO coughs or sneezes.
Most black callers are the same way, though only one of them have a fetish as disturbing as the Acolyte's. They start out in persona and want to jump right into their fantasies like they are springing off a dive board. They want to hear about how big my ass is and usually talk about how unattractive they find skinny women, especially skinny white women. Most of them are delightfully raunchy. If I show the slightest amount of genuine enthusiasm about sex, they are overjoyed. They are also respectful (I am excluding Who Dis from this description. He is the exception that makes the rule) or can be made to be respectful very quickly. Black men tend to like my sass and my inability to act submissive. If they start out pushy and I threaten to bite them, they tend to laugh in surprise and then ask me what I want to do to them. Black men tend to like me to take the lead. The ones who don't, just want a willing participant in their fantasy. The only caller I will call 'Daddy' is black and deserves a gold medal in the phone sex fantasy Olympics. He starts out a call by asking if his 'baby girl' missed him and then goes on to describes what we are doing, in vivid detail, for the next half hour. I can say one thing, he has one hell of an imagination. I barely get a word in. I just take notes while I am listening to him and let him run. The one with the really bad fetish either reads too many fuck books or has the most fucked up family life imaginable. Since he seems to have never run into a woman who isn't completely dick-dazzled within minutes of meeting him, I am guessing that he just reads a lot of badly written porn.
I always wonder about the callers who tell me fantastical stories of their sexual escapades in deadpan voices as if they are giving a speech in English class. Are they trying to shock me? If so, the only thing that I find shocking is the fact that they think I will find their lurid recitations thrilling. The Architect with his tale of sexual exploitation by his 12 year old goddaughter, the Pathetic Call Center Boy with his flashing and his sexual adventures committed with female family members, or even Twincest and his tale of being sodomized by his brother as a child and his own son as an adult. There are others like the Disgusting Little Booger who can barely string together a coherent sentence but, assures me that he is so desirable that teenage girls pay him for sex.
Other than Twincest, all of these callers have one thing in common; they are convince that all women care about is the size of a man's cock and, of course, they are packing a big one. They tell me their tales and expect...what exactly? That I will be as dick-dazzled as the women in their stories? That hearing about their prowess will make me come in an instant, shrieking in pleasure? They are in for a very long wait, if that is what they are calling for. Unlike the Delightfully Raunchy callers I find entertaining as hell, these men with their ridiculous stories just leave me cold.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
I Am Trying To Get It
I read an article on cracked.com that stated men are attracted to the sound of a women vocalizing while enjoying sex. Okay, my bad. There is an evolutionary reason for men to like the sound of me moaning. It's not just watching too much porn. Guess I shouldn't give the Sound Effect guys a hard time anymore. Yeah, like that's going to happen. They still have to start with a little conversation and not just "Let me hear the sound of you coming, Come on, give it to me, bitch."
I also read several articles that stated that Mommy/Son is the oldest and most universal taboo in all human cultures. Yeah, I am still obsessing about incest. Every time I think I have reached a resolution, callers drag me back into my internal debate. Sunday felt like the hosting service had been handing out goddamned coupons for incest fantasies and most callers wanted Mommy/Son. More than once caller told me they were going through a rough time because of money problems or divorce and wanted to imagine Mommy fucking them to make them feel better. I am paraphrasing, of course. One guy wanted a fantasy where he was a teenage boy and his mother discovered that he had been stealing her underwear to masturbate with while she was making his bed. That one blew my mind and he was just the first. As creepy as Mommy/Son fantasies are to me, the part that pisses me off is that they almost always start with Mommy doing some domestic chore for the bastard that he could and should damn well do himself. It's like they want to imagine June Cleaver going down on them while she is ironing their fucking shirts.
I asked a caller and he told me that, for him, a woman doing domestic chores for him is nurturing; making his bed, doing his laundry, cooking for him, etc. The cooking part makes sense to me, the rest...just doesn't. Men can connect nurturing with sex in a way most women can't. That's why I have a caller who calls himself Diaperboy. When a man thinks of nurturing, he gets a warm and fuzzy feeling. When a woman thinks of nurturing, she thinks 'that's a lot of goddamned work'. The other thing about the Mommy/Son calls I was getting Sunday that drove me up the wall, they all wanted to be Lazy Fuckers. They wanted to set up the fantasy and then have me take over so they could just lay back, stroking their cocks, and listen to me tell them a story about how I would seduce them while acting like a Mommy. Jesus, just writing about it is fucking grossing me out.
So I did some research and stumbled over a website in the wee hours of the morning that has some really good articles. One of the things that stuck with me the next day was an article that stated the Mommy/Son incest taboos could be found in every culture of the planet. I knew that, actually. The writer went on to state the reason for this is because a man's image of what is beautiful in a woman is based on the appearance of his primary caretaker as a child. A boy thinks that his mother is beautiful, therefore a man finds a woman who reminds him of his mother beautiful. The line can be crossed very easily therefore the taboo exists and has for a very long time. Sorry, I can't cite the author. I didn't bookmark the website and, of course, can't find it again. If this sounds familiar to anyone, please let me know.
Some callers want a Mommy/Son incest fantasy because it is a taboo. They just want to do something 'nasty' and forbidden, what the fantasy is really doesn't matter as long as it is extreme. Others can't use phone sex to get off unless it is a Mommy/Son fantasy. They are heavily invested in the imagery for masturbation. I had a regular who was definitely thinking of his mother while talking about his fantasy. He got pissed at me when I changed my schedule to avoid the Downer because it was inconvenient for him and now he won't talk to me. I am not heartbroken by the development, I found the man deeply disturbing for a number of different reasons. He wanted me to contact him outside of the hosting company and had serious anger control issues. If I expressed a view contrary to his while we were chatting, he would explode and start screaming obscenities at me. Some men want a Mommy/Son fantasy when they feel the need to be coddled because life is dragging them down. I find the concept strange, when I think of being 'coddled', I don't think of sex. Maybe that's part of the reason I have such a hard time with these callers, their fantasies don't make sense to me.
And I never thought of either of my parents as sexually attractive. I could acknowledge that, at their best, they were both very good looking people and can understand why others did. I am just still too goddamned angry at those perpetually immature assholes to ever think of them in sexual terms. At the same time, I have seen the programming in action. The man I loved was initially attracted me because of my physical resemblance to his mother. He would never acknowledge it but, everyone else knew it was a factor. My own brother tends to prefer women who look and act like our mother. Which means he dates women who look and act like me. Not sure how I feel about that so I'll just blame Mommy for that one.
Also, the thought of mixing sex with nurturing makes my skin crawl. In my mind, there is a very large, dark, line drawn with concertina wire and Hellfire between sex and children. I nurture a child. I have sex with an adult.
Nope, still don't understand these fuckers.
I also read several articles that stated that Mommy/Son is the oldest and most universal taboo in all human cultures. Yeah, I am still obsessing about incest. Every time I think I have reached a resolution, callers drag me back into my internal debate. Sunday felt like the hosting service had been handing out goddamned coupons for incest fantasies and most callers wanted Mommy/Son. More than once caller told me they were going through a rough time because of money problems or divorce and wanted to imagine Mommy fucking them to make them feel better. I am paraphrasing, of course. One guy wanted a fantasy where he was a teenage boy and his mother discovered that he had been stealing her underwear to masturbate with while she was making his bed. That one blew my mind and he was just the first. As creepy as Mommy/Son fantasies are to me, the part that pisses me off is that they almost always start with Mommy doing some domestic chore for the bastard that he could and should damn well do himself. It's like they want to imagine June Cleaver going down on them while she is ironing their fucking shirts.
I asked a caller and he told me that, for him, a woman doing domestic chores for him is nurturing; making his bed, doing his laundry, cooking for him, etc. The cooking part makes sense to me, the rest...just doesn't. Men can connect nurturing with sex in a way most women can't. That's why I have a caller who calls himself Diaperboy. When a man thinks of nurturing, he gets a warm and fuzzy feeling. When a woman thinks of nurturing, she thinks 'that's a lot of goddamned work'. The other thing about the Mommy/Son calls I was getting Sunday that drove me up the wall, they all wanted to be Lazy Fuckers. They wanted to set up the fantasy and then have me take over so they could just lay back, stroking their cocks, and listen to me tell them a story about how I would seduce them while acting like a Mommy. Jesus, just writing about it is fucking grossing me out.
So I did some research and stumbled over a website in the wee hours of the morning that has some really good articles. One of the things that stuck with me the next day was an article that stated the Mommy/Son incest taboos could be found in every culture of the planet. I knew that, actually. The writer went on to state the reason for this is because a man's image of what is beautiful in a woman is based on the appearance of his primary caretaker as a child. A boy thinks that his mother is beautiful, therefore a man finds a woman who reminds him of his mother beautiful. The line can be crossed very easily therefore the taboo exists and has for a very long time. Sorry, I can't cite the author. I didn't bookmark the website and, of course, can't find it again. If this sounds familiar to anyone, please let me know.
Some callers want a Mommy/Son incest fantasy because it is a taboo. They just want to do something 'nasty' and forbidden, what the fantasy is really doesn't matter as long as it is extreme. Others can't use phone sex to get off unless it is a Mommy/Son fantasy. They are heavily invested in the imagery for masturbation. I had a regular who was definitely thinking of his mother while talking about his fantasy. He got pissed at me when I changed my schedule to avoid the Downer because it was inconvenient for him and now he won't talk to me. I am not heartbroken by the development, I found the man deeply disturbing for a number of different reasons. He wanted me to contact him outside of the hosting company and had serious anger control issues. If I expressed a view contrary to his while we were chatting, he would explode and start screaming obscenities at me. Some men want a Mommy/Son fantasy when they feel the need to be coddled because life is dragging them down. I find the concept strange, when I think of being 'coddled', I don't think of sex. Maybe that's part of the reason I have such a hard time with these callers, their fantasies don't make sense to me.
And I never thought of either of my parents as sexually attractive. I could acknowledge that, at their best, they were both very good looking people and can understand why others did. I am just still too goddamned angry at those perpetually immature assholes to ever think of them in sexual terms. At the same time, I have seen the programming in action. The man I loved was initially attracted me because of my physical resemblance to his mother. He would never acknowledge it but, everyone else knew it was a factor. My own brother tends to prefer women who look and act like our mother. Which means he dates women who look and act like me. Not sure how I feel about that so I'll just blame Mommy for that one.
Also, the thought of mixing sex with nurturing makes my skin crawl. In my mind, there is a very large, dark, line drawn with concertina wire and Hellfire between sex and children. I nurture a child. I have sex with an adult.
Nope, still don't understand these fuckers.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
The Guilt Free Fantasy Fuck List
This one is going to take a bit of time to explain. I grew up in a small town in the Midwest that exists only because a very large university is there. For those of you who have had a similar upbringing, you will understand what a schizophrenic experience that can be; growing up surrounded by people studying and discussing all these fascinating ideas with very little backlash and then realizing that the people who live 10 miles down the road consider you a dangerous subversive just because you live there. In the town I grew up in there is a coffeehouse I am not going to name here. My friends and family still live in that community. Unfortunately, so does my stalker. The coffeehouse is an absolutely wonderful haven for people where people of all ideologies were welcome as long as they could discuss those beliefs calmly and share the floor with others who disagreed with them. Trust me when I say that disagreements were common and often heated but, hateful behavior was not tolerated by either the staff or the patrons.
This philosophy became apparent after 9/11 when 'locals' tried to harass the large Muslim customer population of the coffeehouse and it was the other patrons who took a stand against them. The community at large has a significant Muslim population because of the university. The coffeehouse was a popular hang out among the Muslims because it is the only establishment in town that did not serve alcohol or pork. The limited menu served is completely vegetarian. The best example of this behavior I can relay to you is when a truck full of racist assholes started catcalling at a Muslim family walking into the coffeehouse. My friend took out her camera and began walking around the truck, snapping pictures of the license plate and the occupants while another dialed the police. My friend is an artist who was studying photography at the time. She is also a 6'4" Black transsexual who had returned to school after a brief career in professional sports and has a fondness for frighteningly long, fake eyelashes when she dresses up. The friend dialing the police taught Chinese history and still dressed like the biker he had been during his 'lost period'. The locals departed post haste, the police arrived and took statements from all of us. My friend turned over her camera without hesitation (it was later returned without a problem) and we all went inside and enjoyed a round of celebratory mochas.
The guilt free fantasy fuck list discussion started when we were sitting around trying to sort out the differences between male and female sexuality. I stumbled through an explanation of how men seem to own their sexuality in a way women haven't seemed to master. I noticed that men, hetero or homo, have no problem discussing (in often graphic detail) people they sexually desire. On the other hand, women usually stop at "Oh god, he's so hot!", at least, in public. At the time, I worked at a business that was predominately staffed by men and stumbled into those conversations on a daily basis. To be fair to the men I worked with at the time, they did not engage in that behavior while they knew I was present but, it was a large business and my job duties required me to coordinate with several different departments. I often overheard the men I worked with having workplace inappropriate conversations while moving around the building. My first conclusion; men talk about sex a lot. My second; men are perfectly comfortable speculating on the sexual attractiveness of anyone and everyone they see (including me). A sure fire way of telling whether or not they had been discussing the size of my tits; how many of them blushed and found something else to do far away from me after they laid eyes on me. Some of my friends were pressuring me to make a complaint to human resources but, I didn't feel threatened by the behavior. As I said, my male co-workers made a point of not having those conversations around me and I view those conversations as normal. People talk about sex all the time whether they are at work or at play. They just usually don't do it in a mixed gender public gathering like my group of friends and I at the coffeehouse, which is why I asked everyone seated at the table to answer this question:
"If you could have guilt free, responsibility free, sex with anyone at all, fictional or real, living or dead, who would it be?"
The men at the table had no problem answering the question. Thoroughly. With multiple variations and vivid detail. The women squirmed and traded glances, daring each other to go first. I bit the bullet and forged ahead.
"Marc Alaimo." No one at the table knew who that was. "The actor who plays Gul Dukat on Deep Space 9." I am a complete and utter geek and always have been. Blame my parents for family time as a child spent watching Star Trek and Doctor Who on PBS, back to back, every afternoon. I also have strange taste in men, they don't seem to mind. Sue me.
Some of my friends were horrified. The character is a rather despicable villain. I pointed out that my question specified 'guilt-free' and 'responsibility-free' therefore I didn't have to justify my attraction in any way. My fantasies don't have to be restricted to only those worthy of being considered sexually attractive, (whatever the hell that means). The people on my fantasy fuck list could be anyone (or anything) I could think of and find sexually attractive. I watched the idea started to sink in with the women at the table.
"Tyler Durden," a friend said in a rush. She went on to clarify that she meant Brad Pitt's portrayal of the character in the movie Fight Club, not the character as he is portrayed in the novel. Just about everyone at the table agreed to that one.
Slowly, the other women joined in. It was fun at hell. Some of them added details, most of them did not. Many of them added so many qualifiers to their fantasies that it was obvious they completely missed the point. Why should a woman care if the object of her fantasies is married or not? It simply doesn't matter in a sexual fantasy. Men don't worry about the relationship status of the women or men they lust after, they just enjoy the lust. I explained to my friends what I was seeing and asked everyone (including myself) why women feel like their sexuality is restricted even in fantasy. I do understand why women are cautious about discussing sex in public. Someday I will blog about some of the looks I have gotten from others while out with friends. However, there is no reason for a woman to 'hold back' in her own mind. What I want to know is why do we feel that we have to?
Over the years, I have explained the concept and asked the question to a lot of different women. For the most part, the response is the same. Women laugh nervously when asked and wait until I offer my own example. And then they get into the idea. A few of my friends and I regularly talk about our lists as a joke, mentioning a new entry or talking about some celebrity's relative ranking depending on what is happening. A close friend of mine and I love comparing our lists because even though we have very similar taste in just about everything, we have very different taste in men.
I use my fantasy fuck list as a PSO constantly but, not to picture my persona interacting with them. I rarely think about the caller's appearance at all. I focus on my actions and the surroundings because, for me, the encounter has to make sense. That's why a caller who wants me to do things like pretend to be his mother who discovers that he has been masturbating with her underwear while she is making his bed is complete and utter bullshit to me.
If he's old enough to masturbate, he's old enough to make his own goddamned bed.
This philosophy became apparent after 9/11 when 'locals' tried to harass the large Muslim customer population of the coffeehouse and it was the other patrons who took a stand against them. The community at large has a significant Muslim population because of the university. The coffeehouse was a popular hang out among the Muslims because it is the only establishment in town that did not serve alcohol or pork. The limited menu served is completely vegetarian. The best example of this behavior I can relay to you is when a truck full of racist assholes started catcalling at a Muslim family walking into the coffeehouse. My friend took out her camera and began walking around the truck, snapping pictures of the license plate and the occupants while another dialed the police. My friend is an artist who was studying photography at the time. She is also a 6'4" Black transsexual who had returned to school after a brief career in professional sports and has a fondness for frighteningly long, fake eyelashes when she dresses up. The friend dialing the police taught Chinese history and still dressed like the biker he had been during his 'lost period'. The locals departed post haste, the police arrived and took statements from all of us. My friend turned over her camera without hesitation (it was later returned without a problem) and we all went inside and enjoyed a round of celebratory mochas.
The guilt free fantasy fuck list discussion started when we were sitting around trying to sort out the differences between male and female sexuality. I stumbled through an explanation of how men seem to own their sexuality in a way women haven't seemed to master. I noticed that men, hetero or homo, have no problem discussing (in often graphic detail) people they sexually desire. On the other hand, women usually stop at "Oh god, he's so hot!", at least, in public. At the time, I worked at a business that was predominately staffed by men and stumbled into those conversations on a daily basis. To be fair to the men I worked with at the time, they did not engage in that behavior while they knew I was present but, it was a large business and my job duties required me to coordinate with several different departments. I often overheard the men I worked with having workplace inappropriate conversations while moving around the building. My first conclusion; men talk about sex a lot. My second; men are perfectly comfortable speculating on the sexual attractiveness of anyone and everyone they see (including me). A sure fire way of telling whether or not they had been discussing the size of my tits; how many of them blushed and found something else to do far away from me after they laid eyes on me. Some of my friends were pressuring me to make a complaint to human resources but, I didn't feel threatened by the behavior. As I said, my male co-workers made a point of not having those conversations around me and I view those conversations as normal. People talk about sex all the time whether they are at work or at play. They just usually don't do it in a mixed gender public gathering like my group of friends and I at the coffeehouse, which is why I asked everyone seated at the table to answer this question:
"If you could have guilt free, responsibility free, sex with anyone at all, fictional or real, living or dead, who would it be?"
The men at the table had no problem answering the question. Thoroughly. With multiple variations and vivid detail. The women squirmed and traded glances, daring each other to go first. I bit the bullet and forged ahead.
"Marc Alaimo." No one at the table knew who that was. "The actor who plays Gul Dukat on Deep Space 9." I am a complete and utter geek and always have been. Blame my parents for family time as a child spent watching Star Trek and Doctor Who on PBS, back to back, every afternoon. I also have strange taste in men, they don't seem to mind. Sue me.
Some of my friends were horrified. The character is a rather despicable villain. I pointed out that my question specified 'guilt-free' and 'responsibility-free' therefore I didn't have to justify my attraction in any way. My fantasies don't have to be restricted to only those worthy of being considered sexually attractive, (whatever the hell that means). The people on my fantasy fuck list could be anyone (or anything) I could think of and find sexually attractive. I watched the idea started to sink in with the women at the table.
"Tyler Durden," a friend said in a rush. She went on to clarify that she meant Brad Pitt's portrayal of the character in the movie Fight Club, not the character as he is portrayed in the novel. Just about everyone at the table agreed to that one.
Slowly, the other women joined in. It was fun at hell. Some of them added details, most of them did not. Many of them added so many qualifiers to their fantasies that it was obvious they completely missed the point. Why should a woman care if the object of her fantasies is married or not? It simply doesn't matter in a sexual fantasy. Men don't worry about the relationship status of the women or men they lust after, they just enjoy the lust. I explained to my friends what I was seeing and asked everyone (including myself) why women feel like their sexuality is restricted even in fantasy. I do understand why women are cautious about discussing sex in public. Someday I will blog about some of the looks I have gotten from others while out with friends. However, there is no reason for a woman to 'hold back' in her own mind. What I want to know is why do we feel that we have to?
Over the years, I have explained the concept and asked the question to a lot of different women. For the most part, the response is the same. Women laugh nervously when asked and wait until I offer my own example. And then they get into the idea. A few of my friends and I regularly talk about our lists as a joke, mentioning a new entry or talking about some celebrity's relative ranking depending on what is happening. A close friend of mine and I love comparing our lists because even though we have very similar taste in just about everything, we have very different taste in men.
I use my fantasy fuck list as a PSO constantly but, not to picture my persona interacting with them. I rarely think about the caller's appearance at all. I focus on my actions and the surroundings because, for me, the encounter has to make sense. That's why a caller who wants me to do things like pretend to be his mother who discovers that he has been masturbating with her underwear while she is making his bed is complete and utter bullshit to me.
If he's old enough to masturbate, he's old enough to make his own goddamned bed.
A Change In Behavior
Twincest does not recognize my voice anymore. It has been that long since we have spoken. He also doesn't seem to be interested in is usual kink of brothers fucking. That's a relief. Instead, Twincest has become a Sleeper. He kept drifting off while we were speaking, tonight. I guess he's lonely.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Casting
When I started, no one warned me that callers would want to talk about what I do with other people. What little I thought I knew about phone sex made me think that callers would want to hear about what I would do with them. I have never seen or read about a phone sex encounter in any media that shows how many time a caller wants to talk about other people but, it happens all the time. In fact, most of the callers I have discussed so far have wanted more than just me in the fantasy. Which is really fucking insulting, when I think about it.
Mr. Gross and Boring was the first caller I dealt with who wanted to suck my boyfriend's cock. As much as I don't like the man, he really is the training wheels caller for a new operator. He has a very specific fantasy and he is very straightforward about what he wants. He also is patient with an operator while she is stumbling through his fantasy for the first time if he likes the sound of her voice. If he doesn't like the sound of her voice or she comes on too strong, he is a Silent Caller. An operator has a minute or so to impress him with the sound of her voice or he will hang up without ever saying a word to her. I know because I asked him one day why he kept seeking me out. Most callers like to imagine that they are having some sort of romantic encounter with a woman who wants to be with them and happens to have the same kink. Mr Gross and Boring wants to suck my boyfriend's cock so I need a fictional boyfriend with a cock he can suck. I pictured a character from a movie I had watched the night before and voila, instant boyfriend. I have blogged about this before. In this case, I used the image of an actor named Jimmi Simpson and the character he played in a horror movie as a model for his behavior. I happen to think that Mr. Simpson is a very good looking man and the character he played in that movie reminded me of a boy I dated in high school. I don't care about his personal life, I am using his image to create a character I use. Anyway, he should be flattered. My version of him has a huge cock and can fuck for hours.
Another actor I use as a character when I am telling a fantasy is Norman Reedus. He would probably not be flattered if he found out. There are several Family Lovin' callers I have to deal with on a regular basis. One of the few I can actually tolerate is a writer from Texas who wants to hear about brothers fucking. Twincest (that's what I will call him here) has a twin brother and the 2 have been fucking since early adolescence. Please remember to take this information with a grain of salt. Twincest could be lying to me to try to get me to talk about a subject that turns him on or he could really like having his brother fuck him in the ass. I have no way of knowing and, truthfully, don't care. The only thing I cared about at the time was my ability to convince him that I was dating a very nice young man who had a thing for getting fucked by his brother. I needed two characters who were brothers with a complicated relationship and I watch The Walking Dead because I love a good zombie Apocalypse, so there you go. I described the Dixon brothers enjoying the occasional threesome very thoroughly without using the names and Twincest was utterly entranced. To put a little twist on it, I described having sex with my boyfriend while his brother fucked him from behind on several occasions but, told him that I had not had sex with the older brother yet. It was the next stage of our relationship and we three had been waiting for the perfect moment. We had a weekend getaway planned for next weekend. I told Twincest that I was very excited to finally have sex with the brother even though I was a little intimidated by him. I made it clear that I find him very sexy and he has a great cock, I just hope that little old me is up to the brother's very exacting standards. I hope you are flattered, Michael Rooker. Some pervert in Texas thinks that you can fuck like a god even though you are really kinky.
I use characters from television shows, movies, books, etc. instead of real people because I am more comfortable doing it that way. I often pull names from my personal life for the characters I create. I never use the character or actor's name and I never tell a caller I have fucked that particular actor. My persona is a small town girl with loose morals and sexual experience of an international escort. She's isn't a starfucker because she hasn't had the opportunity and hasn't sought it out. She's happy the way she is.
Mr. Gross and Boring was the first caller I dealt with who wanted to suck my boyfriend's cock. As much as I don't like the man, he really is the training wheels caller for a new operator. He has a very specific fantasy and he is very straightforward about what he wants. He also is patient with an operator while she is stumbling through his fantasy for the first time if he likes the sound of her voice. If he doesn't like the sound of her voice or she comes on too strong, he is a Silent Caller. An operator has a minute or so to impress him with the sound of her voice or he will hang up without ever saying a word to her. I know because I asked him one day why he kept seeking me out. Most callers like to imagine that they are having some sort of romantic encounter with a woman who wants to be with them and happens to have the same kink. Mr Gross and Boring wants to suck my boyfriend's cock so I need a fictional boyfriend with a cock he can suck. I pictured a character from a movie I had watched the night before and voila, instant boyfriend. I have blogged about this before. In this case, I used the image of an actor named Jimmi Simpson and the character he played in a horror movie as a model for his behavior. I happen to think that Mr. Simpson is a very good looking man and the character he played in that movie reminded me of a boy I dated in high school. I don't care about his personal life, I am using his image to create a character I use. Anyway, he should be flattered. My version of him has a huge cock and can fuck for hours.
Another actor I use as a character when I am telling a fantasy is Norman Reedus. He would probably not be flattered if he found out. There are several Family Lovin' callers I have to deal with on a regular basis. One of the few I can actually tolerate is a writer from Texas who wants to hear about brothers fucking. Twincest (that's what I will call him here) has a twin brother and the 2 have been fucking since early adolescence. Please remember to take this information with a grain of salt. Twincest could be lying to me to try to get me to talk about a subject that turns him on or he could really like having his brother fuck him in the ass. I have no way of knowing and, truthfully, don't care. The only thing I cared about at the time was my ability to convince him that I was dating a very nice young man who had a thing for getting fucked by his brother. I needed two characters who were brothers with a complicated relationship and I watch The Walking Dead because I love a good zombie Apocalypse, so there you go. I described the Dixon brothers enjoying the occasional threesome very thoroughly without using the names and Twincest was utterly entranced. To put a little twist on it, I described having sex with my boyfriend while his brother fucked him from behind on several occasions but, told him that I had not had sex with the older brother yet. It was the next stage of our relationship and we three had been waiting for the perfect moment. We had a weekend getaway planned for next weekend. I told Twincest that I was very excited to finally have sex with the brother even though I was a little intimidated by him. I made it clear that I find him very sexy and he has a great cock, I just hope that little old me is up to the brother's very exacting standards. I hope you are flattered, Michael Rooker. Some pervert in Texas thinks that you can fuck like a god even though you are really kinky.
I use characters from television shows, movies, books, etc. instead of real people because I am more comfortable doing it that way. I often pull names from my personal life for the characters I create. I never use the character or actor's name and I never tell a caller I have fucked that particular actor. My persona is a small town girl with loose morals and sexual experience of an international escort. She's isn't a starfucker because she hasn't had the opportunity and hasn't sought it out. She's happy the way she is.
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