Sound Effects

Here's one of things I discovered about men since working as a PSO.  Men LOVE sound effects.  Men think sound effects are sexy.  Men watch too much goddamned porn.

Today, 2 different Sound Effect Kings called in.  No. 1 is the Sound Effect King is from Boston.  He likes to dress up in a purple teddy (sometimes royal blue) and suck on an 8 inch dildo.  He also feels the need to share this experience with a PSO.  The end result is that I get to listen to this fucker suck and slurp on a pink silicon dildo for 10 or 15 minutes while telling him how hot and sexy he is.  These are the moments I live for (she growls with withering contempt).  If Sound Effect King from Boston is feeling really randy he moves from giving  his dildo a blow job to fucking himself in ass with it.  He wants an audience for the fucking, too.  I  listen to him sodomize himself while he grunts and moans and whimpers, happily.  I imagine I'm listening to pigs fuck.

Sound Effect King No. 2 is from Texas and seriously into oral sex.  Meaning, he loves to eat pussy.  Or, at least, make the sound effects to simulate eating pussy.  I don't even know how to begin to describe this sound.  The men who do it alternate between wagging their tongues while moaning (I think) and making slurping noises while moaning.  And I do mean 'men'.  A lot of callers make this noise and they think that it is sexy.  The Sound Effect King from Texas expects a PSO to also think that this disgusting noise is sexy, get completely turned on, and come within 6 minutes.  That's when he starts pleading, whining, and coaching me to come and I have to listen to that for, at least, another 4 minutes to make my minimum call time.  The key is to fake-moan for as long as possible without being boring and keep him on the line.  The Sound Effects King From Texas is jerking off and will come within 15 minutes.  If I bore him or 'come' too soon, he'll just call back.  He'll either get another operator or I'll get him and have to go through the whole charade over again.  2 short calls do not equal 1 long call and I want the long call.

It's just so goddamned hard not to laugh at him.  I mean, really.  This is supposed to be sexy?  Are you kidding me?  When I describe a blowjob, I use actual words to describe what is happening in exquisite detail.  The callers who listen to what I am saying get completely turned on.  I use some sound effects but, I have discovered that if I just make noise, I lose control of the call and the caller almost always ends the call too soon.  Some callers just want sound effects, no talking whatsoever.  The calls that start with "suck my cock, bitch", do not thrill me.  The good news is that if I don't play along immediately, they usually hang up.

Before I started working as a PSO, I tried to find any first hand information written by real PSOs.  I found one, just one, website called whoreonhold.com.  Sadly, it no longer exists.  I remember reading one entry when the woman talked about feeling like a Dolby sound board while slapping the hell out of a freshly thawed chicken to simulate the sound of slapping a caller.  The first night I worked, I ended up bruising the shit out myself while trying to please a caller with a spanking fetish.  The joys of phone sex.  He has a fetish for getting spanked and I end up with purple bruises up and down both thighs.

what the hell happened?

I'm not sure what the hell happened to my last posting.  Live with it.  Subjects for the next will be sound effects, ghost hunting, and domination stories.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Everyone close to me knows I'm into BDSM and have been for years.  I'm a Dominant, not a switch, not a submissive.  You would think that I would be very good at domination calls most of the time and you would be right.  The exception is when callers refuse to cooperate.

Domination phone sex is so easy compared to real domination, no mess, no safety words, no watching the clock to make sure I haven't left my sub in tight restraints too long.  (permanent damage is a very real risk in bondage, research before you play)  I don't have to worry about the length of my nails or if I'm striking too hard.  I do have to worry about whether I not I'm boring my caller.

Best-New-York-Sub is a rose with a few thorns.  In fact, I have just spent the last 3 hours talking to him in 15 minute increments.  The hosting company doesn't allow a caller to purchase a 3 hour block of time to use on one call.  What that means is that I would start to tell the fantasy, we would get disconnected, he would call back and I would have to pick the story up where I left off.  Holy shit, I feel like I've been running an imagination marathon!  Thank god I log and take notes, I would have been lost without being able to track the story from call to call.

I enjoy talking to Best-New-York-Sub because we are into the same things for the most part.  I do use a website called stockroom.com to get ideas to use with this caller.  (On a side note, if I ever get a spare 3 grand to spend, I'm getting myself a Folsom Bondage Bed.  Yeah, I really do want a bedroom that looks like a medieval torture chamber.  Without the rats, of course.  OK, maybe a couple of rubber rats for the humor value.)  This caller does have a habit of going dead silent if he doesn't like the direction I'm going in.  It sure as hell beats a caller hanging up on me but, I still find it annoying.  I'm trying to break him of the habit gently by encouraging him to vocalize and to break character, slightly, to request certain things.  I need feedback, dammit. The other thing is that after I am done with him, I really need a break.  That is not his fault, of course.  It's just hard to deal with other callers after I have talked to one caller for 3 hours.  I feel the same way when I end up getting connected to any caller over and over again.  Mr. Gross-and-Boring exhausts me and royally pisses me off, at the same time.

The last thing that has me the slightest bit annoyed is that this caller is the one I want to use as an example of a fantasy.  I really meant to do that today.  However, thanks to him and another caller who also had a submissive fantasy that took multiple calls to complete, I want the hell out of the dungeon. I'm sick of playing in here tonight and I didn't think that anything could make me say that.

Do's and Don'ts For Callers

When I started working as a phone sex operator, I only had a vague idea of what I was getting myself into.  I quickly learned that most of the callers didn't seem know much more than I did. So I decided to sit down and write a quick ‘how to’ guide for callers.  It’s a list of a few things I would love to tell callers when they call but, can’t because they get impatient when things don’t go the way they think that they should and hang up on me.  Imagine saying all of this shit to a caller.

First of all, before you even pick up that phone and start dialing, make sure your phone WORKS.   One of the most frustrating things I deal with is crappy cell phones.  There’s nothing that will kill the mood faster than an operator telling you, “I’m sorry, I can’t make out what you’re saying.  You want me to do what with your cock?”  Also, make sure your cell phone is fully charged and you’re in a place where you get a strong signal.  Dropping a call with a good phone sex operator when she’s starting to talk about all the hot, nasty things she going to do to you is just going to fucking annoy you and her.

Be prepared to talk.  A good phone sex operator will want to know a few things about you before she starts talking about fucking.  You don’t have to tell her the truth but, we really like it when you tell us something.  It helps build a fantasy with you if we can just hear you speaking and get to know a little about you.  Shy guys get flustered and hang up because they’re not expecting to be asked any questions.  Some guys like being what we refer to as ‘Silent Callers’ and, trust me, being silent is a really dumb way to try to get a good fantasy.  Some really annoying fuckers like to start with “I’ve been stroking my 12 inch cock and watching porn all night long.  What are you going to do for me?”   I’m going to tell you to keep watching porn and have a good night, because you obviously just want someone to provide sound effects.  Being treated like a recording does not inspire me to do anything except follow the rules.  If it bores you, too bad.  The best callers are the ones who use their own personas and discuss the fantasy they want to share before they dive in.  When you hear me say ‘hello’, introduce yourself, we’ll chat for a few, you’ll open up to me (because I’m fun to talk to) and tell me about that juicy fantasy you’ve been having involving a strap-on.  I’ll smile and start telling you about the toy party we’re going to go to where I’m going to fuck you in front of a room full of sexy women.  And then I’m going to share you  with the audience.

OK, I’m probably going to shatter a lot of illusions right now but, I’m going to tell you a little bit about what a phone sex operator is and is not.  Phone sex is an intense combination of acting and storytelling.  When I describe what I do for a living, I say I’m an ‘adult fantasy role-play operator’ because that’s the best description of what I do.  So, here goes the first illusion.  I AM NOT A WHORE. Got that? I am truly amazed about the sheer number of callers who think I am and truly believe I want to be called a sexy bitch right from the beginning.  Wrong.  I am an adult fantasy role-play operator and a goddamned good one.  I will tell you a story about an erotic encounter that will curl your toes, make you come, and have you calling back, begging for more.  I know I’m THAT GOOD because it happens to me every night I’m working.

Here’s another shattered illusion and it’s a rough one for a lot of callers: when you are speaking to me you are actually speaking to my persona, the character I’ve created for work.  This seems to piss off a lot of callers. Get over it. First of all, I am flat out forbidden by the company hosting the calls to give you any traceable, personal information.  Not, my name, address, phone number, email, nothing.  If I do, I will be kicked off the line and not allowed back on.  That’s true for every operator. So we all create personas and use them with every call.  I use a character's name, physical description, location, profession with every call and I absolutely hate the callers who call and hang up again because they think are going to find a hot, 18 year old girl who’s really into being gangbanged by a bunch of guys YOU chose.  You would have a better chance trying to pay for your kids’ college tuition by playing roulette in Las Vegas. It’s all FANTASY!  I’m sorry I’m busting your bubble but, really? Do you really think that there is some secret underground lair of horny girls just dying to fuck you?  Sounds like a really hot fantasy but, sorry it doesn’t exist.  Some callers are really obsessed with being told the truth.  The funny thing is they can’t even tell the difference.  One night, there was this guy just tearing up the phone lines. He called and asked his little list of questions and I started to recognize his voice.  By trial and error, I figured out he was looking for a blue-eyed blond starting her senior year of high school.  So I tell him what I know he wants to hear.  Then he says “Come on now, I want you to tell me the truth,” in a stern, daddy-knows-best kind of voice that would get him kicked in the balls if he tried it face to face.  I shrug and add a few years to my age, not even close to my real age but, now I’m curious.  I was a new operator and still getting my feet under me.  He has told me that he just wants to know he’s talking to a ‘real’ person and that the age doesn’t really matter.  I tell him I’m 21. He tells me, he will only talk to an 18 year old because that’s the only way he can get off and hangs up on me.  Asshole.  The very next call I get is the same asshole with the same stupid questions.  I pitch my voice higher, give him all the ‘right’ answers because now I know them and I know he’s a hypocritical liar.  We have hot, nasty phone sex and I end the call by telling him I’m 63, bald and covered in tattoos.  Stupid fucker.  To top off this bizarre tale, I still talk to this guy.  He still asks the same stupid questions. I give him the same stupid answers and he hangs up, spent and happy.

Last illusion to kick into the dust: I DO NOT MASTURBATE ON COMMAND. I do not hurt myself on command, either.  I actually had a guy on the line last week who ordered me to shove the largest dildo I own up my ass while we were talking about his day.  This was his fantasy.  No warm up, no getting to know you chat, nothing.  So, I ignore him and we keep talking about his day.  Five minutes later, he asks me if I’m fucking my ass with that dildo.  I tell him ‘no’.  He genuinely sounds hurt and confused when he asks me ‘why not, cause that really is my fantasy”.   “Yes,” I reply, “it is your fantasy and we can certainly role play that as soon as I get warmed up.”  “No, I just want you to do it. Right now. I want to hear you.”  I explain to him as gently as I can that I DO NOT MASTURBATE ON COMMAND.  This is fantasy and we can talk about whatever he wants.  “But I’m paying you.” “For phone sex. Not to listen to me grunt while I fuck my ass with a dildo.”  He hung up.  Fantastic, watch porn and I’ll talk to someone who wants to enjoy  a really hot fantasy.

(I wrote this just before I started blogging and forgot about it.  Just thought it was worth saving and it might be enjoyed)

Fantasy: A Psychological Need

What I was planning to do yesterday, before I got completely derailed by asshole callers, was talk about fantasy.      Other than being my favorite type of alternative fiction, fantasy is now my business.  The dictionary  has several definitions: imagination especially when extravagant and unrestrained, the forming of mental images, especially wondrous or strange fancies, imaginative conceptualizing, a mental image especially when unreal or fantastic, vision, a nightmare fantasy, daydream, or a hallucination.  My favorite definition is; an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need.  Yep, that about sums up what I do except for the fact that phone sex is a shared fantasy.

A lot of callers ask me what I am into.  I try to avoid answering that question at first because most of them aren't really interested in my fantasies.  They are on a fishing expedition, trying to find a girl into the same kink they are. What they actually get is the first operator who correctly guesses the answer they are looking for or the operator they settle for when all their 'fishing' fails.  I often sit here, wishing the callers would wise up and just tell me what they fantasize about so I could take it from there.  Alas, most of the callers are flaming idiots.  They don't realize that just telling an operator about their fantasies will turn them on and most operators will be able to whip up a really hot fantasy based on what she is told, regardless of whether or not the operator is 'into' the act she describes.  The callers smart enough to tell their fantasies to the operator definitely get their moneys' worth; the call is longer, the imagery is far more intense and our enthusiasm is real.  Give us a chance to be creative, that's what really turns us on.

I also recycle fantasies.  If I have a really hot, long call with one caller and then my next call is a Silent Caller.  I start telling the fantasy over again to the Silent Caller.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  The thing is being creative for 8 hours a night is really hard work.  I am often surprised how tired I am at the end of my shift.  Its not like I have been digging ditches all night long.

I want to write down one of the fantasies that I use on callers but, I'm just too damn tired tonight.  I start to write out a scenario and then I think about how long its going to take me and I chicken out.  The callers are getting weird and obnoxious, now.  It has been an OK night until this last hour.  I'm having a hard time not laughing at some of the goofy bullshit I'm hearing and the others are just boring and tiresome.

Friday Is Going Down Hill Fast

I really have no idea how I am going to get though the 2nd half of this shift.  I have bloody well had it with these freaks.  The night started out OK.  Better than OK, actually but, it has steadily gone downhill.  The callers are rude and impatient or downright insulting.  The Get-On-Your-Knees-Bitch guy has called.  So has the Officious Little Prick.  These guys normally haunt the Barely Legal lines, annoying the crap out of operators.  If they have switched to the 'older' operators on the Anything Goes line, they must have burnt their way through a bunch of operators.

On a side note, I just got finished talking to a caller pretending to be the lead singer of a Spanish heavy metal band.  All he wanted me to do was listen to his fictitious history and expound on his theory of creativity.  What utter bullshit.  He's trying to tell me that writers don't draw from the works of other writers, artists avoid looking at the works of others, and songwriters write songs in a bubble.  Guess this kid has never listened to blues or jazz, never read Lovecraft or the writers that writer inspired, and never so much as scribbled out a caricature of a teacher in school.  When ever I tried to talk, he just talked over me.  So I bit my lip and let him, as painful as it was.

I am in a really combative mood right now so biting my tongue for this brat wasn't easy.  I have had a long string of hang-up, Short Timers, impatient assholes either fishing for the 'perfect' girl or wanting to hear the sound of what they imagine is cock sucking right from the beginning.  Why the hell the worst callers have the best auditory memory is beyond me.  Murphy's law in action, I guess.

Tonight, the callers seem to be extra freaky.  I have had more than one caller wanting to know if I have ever caught my son masturbating and did it turn me on.  Yuck.  I had a motherfucking bestiality call.  That's fucking rare, thank god.  Lots of goddamned incest or pedophilia calls.  Can't you idiots be original?  I dropped my goddamned phone and pulled the cord out after I asked a caller his name.  My heart stopped when I thought I had damaged the cord.  I didn't, thank god.  That happened to me once and I thought the Boss was going to kill me.  I've had a ton of Silent Callers or callers who hang up if I ask them any questions.   I've had callers who assume that I know the exact details of their fantasies and hang up if I make a mistake.  One was a call I was really getting into and another was a caller who likes to be financially dominated.  I have talked to him before. Yes, Virginia, financial domination is a real fetish.  Look it up, if you don't believe me.  Both of those little fuckers hung up on me.  The first one because he was impatient and felt I was going too slow.  The financial domination caller thought I was going too fast.  I have had a lot of callers hang up on me for asking questions like "what's your name?".

Let me tell you something, caller.  If you are so goddamned shy you can't tell a phone sex operator the fake name you have decided to use, hang up the goddamned phone.  Watch porn, instead, you fuck-wit.  I am so goddamned sick of this stupid shit.  Stop calling phone sex lines using a shitty cell phone while in the middle of nowhere and then getting pissed off at the operator for not being able to hear a goddamned word you say.  Stop calling while half way IN your disgusting little fantasy and expecting me to figure out what you want, play along the way you want, and get turned on by your bullshit without any explanation.  If I could read minds, I would be playing poker in Monaco, not talking to fuck-wits like you. You are a moron, caller, and I hope you die a horrible fucking death, screaming your guts out while necrotizing fasciitis eats your dick.  This means you, Get-On-Your-Knees-Bitch.  I would sacrifice kittens to Satan to watch you rot so I can dance on your grave.  Mr. Financially-Dominate-Me can be rotting in the bed next to you along with Nasty-Little-Jerk-Off-Boy.

Logging

When I started working as a phone sex operator, it was strongly suggested that I keep a log book.  I didn't do it for the first few weeks.  The reason for that was rather stupid. I'm nearsighted and wear glasses except when I'm reading.  I would read between calls and take my glasses off.  When I got a call, I wasn't able to see the clock to note the time so I didn't bother to write anything down.  I also wasn't really sure what exactly I was supposed to be writing down.  A few weeks of taking calls and I started to notice certain patterns but I wasn't sure, so I started logging.

The first thing that became apparent was that I had more regulars than just Mr. Gross and Boring.  That was a relief.  I actually had about seven regulars and several semi-regulars, callers who recognized my voice or my name and reacted with pleasure at finding me.  I started noting their preferences so that when I spoke to them, so I could recall the previous conversation and reference it.  It makes them feel special, makes them like me more so they would seek me out more.  Positive feedback in action.

The second thing I noticed is that I consistently did better when I worked on certain shifts with certain people.  Many of my regulars call several times a week and a shift without speaking to any of them was suspicious.  That only happened when a certain supervisor at the hosting center was running the shift I was working.  Let's call this person The Downer.  I could go on and on about the Downer but, I won't right now.  All I'm going to say is that the Downer's management style leaves a lot to be desired.

A typical log entry looks like this:

7:01pm Domination John from New York (Julia) bondage, strap-on, being pimped out to      
                                 others, black leather corset and boots.

7:20pm  *19min*

Just a lot messier.  My handwriting is a crime.

Now, I'll translate.  The start time of the call and end time should be self evident.  The tag, Domination, tells me, roughly, what kind of fantasy  the caller is looking for though I have learned that not all callers are honest about what kind of fantasy they are looking for.  This is really common on the Barely Legal line.  Many callers are aware of the fact that the women they are speaking to are not teenagers.  Those callers seem to enjoy getting an operator to 'break character' to speak with them.  I caller once told me that he was glad to talk to the 'real' me.  I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at him.  The caller's name and location are not horribly important except to remind me what his name is while I'm talking to him.  (yes, I have completely blanked on a caller's name while speaking to him.  The caller I did that to thought it was funny) and the location is to help  identify him later if he calls me back.  The notes about what we talked about also help me identify him later and pick up the conversation again if he calls back during the same shift.  That was vitally necessary with this caller.  He called back 3 times during the same shift.  My name in parenthesis is to remind me what name I am using with a caller.  I have several 'characters' complete with separate histories.  I usually circle the call length time so I can calculate my average while I'm working.  It lets me keep track of how I am doing during my shift.  

I also track problem callers like the Psycho-Canadian (more on him some other time), hang ups, the back round noise I hear with Silent Callers so I know how many times I've been connected to them, and Short Timers.  Short Timers are a pain in the ass.  They are usually men who have been watching porn and jerking off for hours before they call.  These callers want to rush into the sound effects or 'catch phrase' stage of the call so they can come and get off the phone as quickly as possible.  In other words, they are cheap bastards.  They remind me of a friend of mine while I was in college and her strategy for going to the bar.  She would insist that people meet her at her house to have 2 or 3 drinks before going out.  Bring your own booze and be willing to share it with her.  After all, she was playing hostess.  Then, we would go to the bar. In other words, my friend was cheap and had come up with a way to get drunk for as little money as possible.  The fact that she was doing so at her friends' expense completely escaped her. She thought that the pleasure of her company made up for it.  The callers who try to pull the short time trick seem to think the same thing.

There was one I call Grandpa Short Time when I'm telling the story to friends.  One day, I kept getting connected to a man in Ohio who told me he was in his 60's and just become a new grandfather.  We spoke for 5 minutes and then he was gone.  I assumed that he had hung up.  I was connected to him again and the same thing happened. OK, now I'm getting suspicious.  It happens again.  Now, I'm getting pissed. Talking to him is demolishing my call time average and I either want him to stay on the line or get the hell away from me.  I am connected to him, again.  I confront him about hanging up on me, repeatedly.  he tells me that he's not hanging up on anyone, he's being cut off over and over again.  Now, he's pissed because operators are refusing to deal with him.   I get a flash of inspiration and ask him how much time he's purchasing in one block.  He tells me 5 minutes.  This stupid motherfucker is purchasing time in 5 minute blocks and has no idea why operators are getting pissed at him. Grandpa doesn't know that the operators need at least twice that to maintain our call time average.

Grandpa Short Time is one really stupid motherfucker.  I go off on him.  There are no other words for it.  I am furious (he is costing all of us money) and tell him that I am .  Did he really think that he could call a phone sex line and get off in less than 5 minutes, I ask him.  He did.  In fact, he thought he would have enough time to get off twice because he could stroke he cock and make himself come in less than 2 minutes.  He thought he could save the rest of the time for a later call.  I asked him why the hell he bothered to call, it sounded like he didn't need any operator to help him.  He told me that he wanted to listen to a woman come while he was stroking himself and he didn't understand why it was taking so long to get to that point.  He didn't understand why we ( the operators) spent so much time just talking.   You have got to be kidding me.  I told him that if all he wanted was sound effects, he should just watch a porno and save some money.  That wasn't real, he complained.  He got cut off, again.  Believe it or not, I got connected to him again.  I asked him how much time he had purchased. 15 minutes was his answer.  I tailor a Vanilla Sex fantasy for 15 minutes and he hangs up, happy.  Now, he's a regular and knows better than to buy time with us in 5 minute blocks.

Good.  Now I don't have to hunt him down and beat him with my phone.