Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Monday, May 14, 2012

Uses For The Dead

I will warn you right now that I am going to be discussing a subject that many people will find revolting.

I was talking to her friend about her experiences using an internet dating site.  She told me a man asked my friend to tell him what was the kinkiest thing she has ever done while she was signed in and chatting with members.  When she did not immediately launch into a raunchy story about her sexual exploits, he told her that she wasn't kinky enough for him and closed the chat window.

I laughed my ass off when she told me.  The man was behaving like a perv, a caller, trying to score some free text sex by using a dating site instead of paying for it on a phone sex line.  She assumes that she will never hear from him again.  I disagree.  I think that this bottom feeder will contact her again, hoping that he has managed to shame her into coming up with a story to impress him.

As a PSO, I hear "What is the kinkiest/dirtiest/nastiest thing you have ever done?" all the time.  How the hell would you answer that question if a complete stranger asked you?  I know that the first thing you would do is decide whether or not to answer at all.  You would judge the person asking and decide whether or not he deserved an answer.  Then you might wrack your brain for an answer that doesn't make you sound too slutty while still sounding like a lot of fun, if you like the guy.

Ladies, stop doing that.  Creeps like this are saying one thing when they ask you this question.  They are ordering you to entertain them and prove that you are worthy of their attention.  It doesn't matter if you are a PSO working the line, using a dating site, or talking to this jackass in a bar.  You are dealing with a spoiled, petulant boy demanding a story, not an adult man.

Here is my response:

"What is the kinkiest/dirtiest/nastiest thing you have ever done?" the caller asks as soon as introductions are made.

"Oh, I'm not sure I should tell you," I respond with a giggle.  "I'm really kinky and what I'm into... well, it's illegal."

"Oh, I want someone really kinky, tell me," the caller demands.

"I'm into necrophilia," I say in a breathy whisper.

"What's that?"

"I'm really into dead things so..." I say with a smile.  "Fuck off and die."

1 comment:

  1. Oh my God, I laughed so hard when I read this. Like so hard. It's fucking brilliant. I've actually used that line to a guy hitting on me at the bar I used to cook in. The look on his face was priceless 'cause I had to explain it to him in small words since we was drunk. Love it!!