Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lazy Fuckers

Mondays seem to be "I am a lazy asshole," night when it comes to phone sex.  If a guy nitpicks his way through the process of finding the 'right' girl, I usually have a caller with a very specific fantasy that he will want to run with rigid control.  Other times it is like last Monday,  lazy fuckers wanting to be entertained.  Yes, phone sex is entertainment but, I can't think of any other type of entertainment where the audience exercises so much control over the performer while performing.  Lazy Fuckers and Silent Callers are basically the same type.  The 'tell me a story and it better be good' type.

Well, give me idea of what you like.  I really should have a list prepared though I 'm sure sure how useful that would be.  Lazy Fuckers and Silent Callers seem to feel that answering questions some-how spoils the mood.  Obviously, they have not realized how erotic it can be to talk about experiences, preferences, and fantasies even though that's what phone sex is.

Maybe I should just record myself panting and moaning for awhile.  I could just play that while I sit back and file my nails.


Today is day one of my weekend.  I have lots to talk about but, to hell with it, I'm going to the bookstore.

Monday, February 27, 2012

No Crazies

Men suffering from mental illness should not be allowed to call phone sex lines.  Period. End of Story.  Can you tell I've been forced to endure several calls from the Psycho-Canadian?  I don't have to be a mental health professional to know that he suffers from paranoia and auditory hallucinations.  He believes that the hosting company is connected to organized crime and is out to get him.  Today, he talked about a black van that has been parked outside of his home for days.  He also insisted that I am a woman named 'Dana'.  This is the new stuff.  We also covered a few of the old ones.  He thinks that I work at a phone center and refuses to believe otherwise.  He thinks that I am an employee of the hosting company and have worked there for years and refuses to believe otherwise.  He believes that PSOs mute their headsets to speak with supervisors but, for some reason he can hear this.  According to him, we are too stupid to mute our headsets correctly and all he has to do is stay quiet and he will hear everything.  We discuss how to kill him or drive him crazy with the supervisors while on a live call.  Uh-huh, right.  We are really that stupid.

He went on an on about how he could recognize my voice, no matter how hard I tried to disguise it.  Remember, he thinks I am 'Dana'.  He does have average aural memory, about as good as mine, but today he cannot recognize me.  I would have laughed except for I hate dealing with this fucker more than any other caller.  He knows how the system works and uses that to fuck up a PSO's call time average.  I've tried being nice, I've tried being patient with his delusional rages, I've tried being mean.  Nothing works, I am at the mercy of his fucked up mind until he hangs up the phone.  Enough. I have really had enough with this bullshit.  There are other crazies calling but, the Psycho-Canadian is the absolute worst.  The others know they have a mental illness; bi-polar, manic depressive, chronic depression.  The Psycho-Canadian thinks he's sane and we all are just fucking with him because we're sick perverts.  Somehow, the fact that he's the one dialing the damn phone to reach us is not part of the equation.  The one thing he does that makes me want to drop a very large brick on his head, repeatedly, until I get tired is refuse to believe in any reality except his own.  I'm not just talking about his mental illness.  Many callers do this, mostly the verbally abusive ones. Hell, a lot of men do it.  The attitude that the 'world is the way I say it is because I have a cock' is one I have no tolerance for, I don't care if you're crazy

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Lotsa love

To all the callers who got really into being Dominated last night (and there were a lot of you)...

Good.  That was fun.

I'm so glad you're not getting punished enough at home.

More for me.


Men use insults to control women.  This is true in real life and in phone sex.  A man calls a woman bitch, slut, whore, cunt or whatever the fuck he can think off to stop her dead in tracks and make her change her behavior toward him.  That's how women, in real life, respond to insults.  Women, for the most part, are terrified of being labeled as something other than nice and all 'bitch' (or any of those other words) really means is that the man a woman is talking to is getting angry at her for expressing her own opinion.  I don't care if people, men or women, figure out that I am not a 'nice' person.  Courtesy will let a person get away with murder, 'niceness' will mean spending a whole lot of time listening to idiots and pretending to agree with every word.  Life is too short for 'nice'.

In real life, a woman hears the word 'bitch' flung at her and she back peddles.  She apologizes. She tries to explain her point of view.  She desperately tries to find common ground with the man insulting her so he will take back what he said or, at least, not repeat to others.  She is terrified of the label because she knows what it can cost her.  Bitches don't get included, they don't get invited, they don't belong. Remember, despite all the advances, girl, you are supposed to treat ever word that falls out of a man's mouth as if it is gold-plated, no matter what crap he spews.  You are supposed to care about his opinions, no matter how stupid.  You are supposed to be 'nice'.

Phone sex is completely different.  I don't set out to piss off every caller I talk to and some of them I handle very carefully.  They can't handle my sense of humor, for whatever reason, or I am too used to their quirks to fuck with them.  There is one caller I just can't talk about yet.  I'll call him the Acolyte.  His fantasy is just too goddamned disgusting, I can't even think about it without gagging.  However, I have figured out how to handle the Acolyte. Despite the fact that he breaks the few rules that I have (not introducing himself, starting out in his fantasy persona, having a vomit inducing fantasy) I let him slide and work hard to construct a fantasy he enjoys.  Why?  The Acolyte will stay on the line until the system times him out and keep calling back for more.  He is also very polite.  He loves the fact that I recognize his voice right off the bat and I remember what we have talked about.   I give him what he needs, his fantasy with a few extra frills and he gives me what I need, a really long goddamned call or three.

Tonight, I had 2 very memorable insult-flinging jerks.  The second one is hard not to laugh at.  He calls me every name he can think of and, trust me, this boy has a really short list.  The tone of his voice while he's calling me 'bitch' (or whatever) really cracks me up.  He sounds like a very satisfied little boy who has just planted his flag on the top of the hill and is absolutely sure that no one can take him down.  He proceeds to tell me, in very good broken English, (I'm guessing from the accent that French is his native language) that is is going to rape me and kill me and make me enjoy it.  No details, he just keeps repeating the same string of insults and the same threats in the same happy, satisfied tone.  The poor little fucker gets off on this, figuring that the PSO he is talking to can't do anything about it except listen.  I guess a PSO could agree with him but, since he's not paying attention to anything I say I'm not really sure.  He can't handle any retort, so when I started finding the whole sordid little fantasy too funny and couldn't stop myself from playing along, he lost it.  For me, playing along means laughing at him and telling him that, if he tried to hurt me, I would fuck him up six ways to Sunday.  He called me names, trying to get me to freeze, (sorry, limp dick, phone sex is not like real life) I called him one in return, he started telling me to shut up and I laughed at him and told him 'no' and went right back to insulting him.  The pathetic little perv was practically blubbering when he timed out.

I've been physically attacked by a stranger in a parking garage so I know I fight back.  I sunk a nine-inch hardened steel pin into the shoulder of the man trying to mug me.  If some little weasel of a caller thinks that I would just lie back and let a man rape me, he's delusional.  Every woman who has been physically assaulted makes a decision about what her life is worth and what she is willing to do to survive.  I suspect that, for myself, hurting my attacker would be more important to me than survival.  That is not a decision for everyone.

Also, I have played along with torture fantasies for callers.  There is a man who doesn't call often, thank god, who has a very violent torture and mutilation fantasy and I have no problem talking to him.  He is polite and he explains, in detail, what he wants.  He also asks if what he wants is something I think I can do before plunging into his fantasy.  I asked him once what he does if a PSO admits that she cannot handle his fantasy.  He seemed surprised by the question but, he told me that if it happens, he thanks her for her honestly and tells her that he's going to try another PSO.  He tries to hang up as fast as he can because he knows that we need long calls and he doesn't want to waste our time along with his own.  Very polite and informative enough for me to try to make the fantasy work even though I am really not into it.  He also wants a PSO who can cry on command.  I can force myself to cry most of the time but, I hate doing it.  I always end up with a raging headache when I try.

The first insult flinging jerk was literally the second caller I talked to.  He called in on the Domination line I am honestly not sure what he was really expecting.  He kept saying that he was submissive and then trying to push my buttons.  He tried the classic "You're not very good at this," to try to trip me up.  Its a standard freeze technique used against women, attacking their professionalism and their skill to get them to shut up.  Not a chance, asshole.  We ended up engaging in a verbal sparring match until he timed out and he sounded like he was having fun.  Twisted little bastard.  If he expected me to go into Extreme Slut Mode as soon as he said he likes to be dominated, he was disappointed.  That just never works.  Domination is just too broad a topic to dive into blind and the lazy ones seem to think that I'm telepathic.

Tell me that I can do whatever I want, stay on the line and see what happens.  I dare you.

Friday, February 24, 2012


Why phone sex?  Because the job market in the United States sucks and has for a great many years.  Companies that complain that Americans don't want to work are full of shit.  Americans want to work but we don't want to feel like we're being taking advantage of, either.  Ever been assigned 'busy work' so it looks like something is being done even though the task is completely unnecessary?  I have more than once.  Ever have an employer demand that you come to work because they are 'short staffed' and then get sent home when there is nothing for you to do so that you have literally lost money by answering your goddamned phone?  I once worked for a company that did that on a weekly basis.  When I started screening my calls, they sent a supervisor who lived nearby to get me.  He got to stay and do paperwork and I still got sent home.

Ever have a co-worker decide that she didn't like you and go on a campaign to get you to quit or get fired?  I have, more than once.  Women are infamous for engaging in that behavior.  It's called 'mobbing' and it's a type of harassment that is completely unacknowledged in this country.  Ever have a supervisor lock himself in his office for hours on end and then blame you when things went wrong and you failed to inform him?  Ever work for someone who did drugs in his car or her office so they had violent mood swings and yelled at everyone when they were pressured?  Ever get pressured to work a split shift and get threatened with termination if you complained?  Ever have a company make it impossible for you to cash out your vacation pay when you quit?  Ever get screwed out of your breaks on a regular basis?  Ever have the stellar work you do get ignored or have credit go to someone else but, have every mistake blown out of proportion so grossly you felt like you were personally guilty of causing the downfall of Western Civilization?

I worked for one company where the manager of the office liked to remind us, daily, that we were lucky to have jobs.  As if that made up for the fact our job was harder because he was not staying on top of his.  The last office job I worked I was hired to do one thing and then trained to do something else when I actually started to work.  Bait and switch hiring is actually pretty common in the U.S.  Ever told that there is room for advancement and then find out it was a complete lie once you started working?

Phone sex is not a perfect solution.  The Downer regularly drives PSOs away with constant criticism and unreasonable expectations.  The callers can be a drag.  It is work and requires an enormous amount of diligence and creativity.  However, I work for home so I have all but eliminated transportation and wardrobe costs.  I set my own hours so I can work at my peak times and avoid the Downer as much as possible.  The staffing company requires minimum hours but, I can work as much or as little as I want beyond that.  If I manage my work time carefully, I can cover my financial needs and avoid the constant stress that destroys my health.

I don't love my job but, I am content with being a PSO.  It gives me more freedom than I've had in longer than I care to think of and it allows me the serenity I need to focus on the things that are important to me.  And that counts for a lot.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I Might Owe Royalties

Here I am, not working tonight and still thinking about work.  I plan to pop onto to literotica.com and do a little research.  I need to find a masturbation fantasy that doesn't bore the daylights out of me.  I have been told by more than one trainer that callers love masturbation fantasies but, since they bore me, I haven't got one memorized.  Since I 'lost' the one I used successfully, I need to replace it.

A friend of mine who is very uncomfortable about what I do for a living finally worked up the courage to ask me about being a PSO.  She's read the blog, even though like the rest of my friends, she doesn't have the guts to sign up for my blog.  They don't want it to show up on their pages and to have to explain me or my jobs to their families.  I understand even though it makes me feel like I'm talking to myself with this thing.  OK, I acknowledge that I am talking to myself with this blog.  There's just something about knowing that people read it without wanting anyone know they read it that makes me feel...uncomfortable.  Oh well.  Once again, phone sex is someone's dirty, little secret.

Anyway, she asked me what I do think about when I'm talking to a caller I am just performing for and not actually conversing with.  (We had a conversation on what the difference is.)  Well, it depends on the caller's fantasy, is the answer.  The best way I can explain this is by example.  A lot of callers want a boyfriend present as part of their fantasy.  Monkeyboy and Mr. Gross-and-Boring are just 2 callers who always want a boyfriend present because, in their minds, interacting with the 'boyfriend' is the sexual fantasy.  The woman (or girl) is just there to tell the story and to make them feel that they are not indulging in a homosexual fantasy.  (Even though, they are.)  Honestly, I am trying to picture the character I play in a room with the caller and the 'boyfriend' I have created.  That's why details are so important to me and why Mr. Gross-and-Boring drives me up a wall.  His fantasy grosses me out, so I need to focus on my interaction with the boyfriend to make it tolerable to me.  He prefers me to focus my attention on him, the boyfriend is just a cock to him.  To be clear, the details of Mr. Gross-and-Boring aren't that bad.  I've certainly heard much worse since working as a PSO.  He just has an incredible talent for describing sex in a way that makes me gag.

The first time I talked to Mr. Gross-and-Boring, I focused on my interaction with the boyfriend and pictured a character actor named Jimmi Simpsom.  I had recently watched an old movie called Stay Alive where he plays a character named Phineus and had started watching Breakout Kings.  His performance as the character is what came to mind when asked to supply a boyfriend.  I could imagine 'Phineus' being twisted enough to enjoy having his cock sucked by a middle age man while his girlfriend watched.  It worked for a little while until Mr. Gross-and-Boring started pushing for what he considered more important; less detail about the boyfriend (all he wants is a very large cock) and no detail about the environment, more focus on my enjoyment of his porn star cock-sucking performance.  Some men find it impossible to understand that the shit they see women enjoying in porn is not something that most women really enjoy.  When he started insisting on adding me slapping my boyfriend's cock against his tongue (along with a few other porn popular behaviors) because he was sure that I would find all of that crap incredibly sexy, I got fed up with him and his dumb-ass fantasy.  That's really what annoys me about Mr. Gross-and Boring, he thinks that he is talking to a real woman who acts and thinks like a porn character.  That's why he thought he was paying me a compliment when he called me a 'sexy bitch'.  He tries to appeal to me as a person while assuming that the person I am is my persona.  When I state, emphatically, that I am not, he ignores what I have said and keeps trying to talk to my persona.

But, I digress.  When I need to pull another character into a fantasy, I'm usually picturing a character from a movie or television show I watch.  I don't use the character's name (or the actor's) but, that's what I am envisioning when I am constructing the fantasy.  A lot of callers want my boyfriend to be Black.  It's part of their vision of what a slut should be.  I used to try to picture a Black actor but, it doesn't work for me expect for Idris Alba.  One time, a caller wanted to have the typical homoerotic fantasy with a trashy white girl and her trashy Black boyfriend.  I changed the boyfriend to an extremely successful business man who happens to be Black and has a taste for getting his cock sucked in front of his girlfriend by trashy white submissive men and ran with it.

The caller never knew what hit him but, he didn't hang up.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Old Habits

When I was much younger, I was really into New Age stuff.  Astrology, numerology, past life readings, meditation, etc.  I was really into the tarot and I actually got to be very good at it.  I bought my first deck because my mother, who was also really into New Age crap, told me not to.  Long story.  To say the least, my mother and I have never had anything resembling a healthy relationship.  The point is, like anything else in life, if you want to be really good at something, you have to do a lot of reading and studying.  By the time I was in my 20's, I had amassed an impressive New Age library and was very good at giving readings.  Old habits die hard, so when I started working this evening I did a quick numerology reading to discover what card of the Major Arcana ruled this day.  Strength for the day, and for me, personally, based on details about me that I will not discuss, the Moon.  Oh damn.  That means that the night was going to be very good or very bad and it is proving to be very bad.

The callers are impatient, rude, buried in their fantasy personas, and wanting to immediately talk to an operator in Extreme Slut Mode.  Anything less than that and they are gone.  Just so you know, Extreme Slut Mode is when the PSO starts a call with "Hello, I can feel your cock in my mouth right now" or something to that effect. It is actually something that we are not supposed to do but, it happens.  Strangely enough, it's something that a lot of callers actually hate.  Mr. Gross-and-Boring can't stand it and will hang up on an operator who does that to him.  The reason PSOs should not start out in Extreme Slut Mode is simple; the caller who likes this is usually the type who has been watching porn while jacking off for hours and now he wants some live sound effects so he can get a 'happy ending' as quickly as possible and the call will be too short.  I swear almost every caller tonight has hung up on me as soon as I ask them a question, including asking their name.  Fucking idiots!  I'm not going to go into it again but, callers do some amazingly counter-productive crap in their quest for the perfect fantasy.

While I've been dealing with moronic callers, I've been thinking about a man I'll refer to as Sailor.  I've only talked to him a handful of times but, each time I really enjoyed it.  He's career Navy and spends most of his time stationed at sea.   Sailor says he likes phone sex because if he can get a girl to get out of her character persona, he really enjoys just talking to her.  I believe him because once I drop my persona, he doesn't ask for any personal information.  We talk about books, movies, music, the meaning of naval tattoos, etc.  I asked him why he was calling if it wasn't for a sexual fantasy the first time we spoke.  He told me that years ago, his friend's sister had been a PSO and she had let them hang out and listen to her talk to callers while drinking.   Sailor remembered how dumb most callers were and how obviously she had disliked talking to many of them.  He also remembered how much she enjoyed talking to the callers who enjoyed talking to her, not just fantasizing about having sex the way they wanted with her persona.  Fast forward a few years, Sailor is divorced and hates hanging out in the bars around the base because of the women who hang out there, husband hunting.  I've lived near a few bases myself so I know exactly the type of woman he's talking about. (He had a very derogatory name for those women.  Unfortunately, I can't remember what it was.)  He just wants to talk to a girl and not feel pressured to do anything.  So he calls phone sex lines.

There are actually a lot of men who call just so they can talk and not feel pressured.  That's one thing that really surprised me.  In my opinion, we need more of those men and less creeps but...you take what you can get.  Sometimes, they are men who have lost their partner through break-ups, divorce or death.  Those can be really heartbreaking.  They either want to analyze what they did wrong or just tell me about the incredible woman they lost and how much they hate people trying to set them up with a new woman before they are ready.  Sometimes they are just really socially awkward.  One man told me that he starts stuttering every time he tries to talk to a pretty woman in person but, he can talk to women on the phone without a problem. I suggested that he try talking to every woman he interacts with, no matter what she looks like, just to practice.  I talked to him a few weeks later and he told me that he had tried it and gotten a date with a barista from his coffee shop the first time he tried my advice.  She had never spoken to him because she assumed that he just wasn't into idle chit-chat in the morning.  It never occurred to her that he was shy. They didn't work out but, hey, at least he's getting out there.

I've talked to a lot of men who call because they don't want to bore the hell out of their wives or girlfriends.  There's a guy who calls late on the weekends to argue.  Yes, you heard me.  This man likes to get drunk and fight about politics or whatever.  His wife absolutely refuses to have anything to do with his bullshit when he's been drinking so he calls a phone sex line.  He starts out by criticizing how I say hello and offering some truly unhelpful suggestions and goes from there.  Another guy bitches about his family.  There's a guy who loves to talk about the concerts he's gone to and the drugs he has done.  There's a guy who rebuilds classic cars and wants to talk about every detail of the restoration he's doing.  He told me that his wife literally claps her hands over her ears and banishes him to the garage when he starts to talk about his current project.  He talked me into going to a website to look at paint colors for cars to help him pick out the right shade of blue. Sometimes, men call to obsess about their jobs.  I talked to a man who called drunk because he had made what he felt was a major mistake at work.  He was convinced that he was going to get fired the next day.  I talked to him later and he didn't get fired.  He also didn't remember talking to me while he was drinking.  There's a professional dog trainer who worries about everything.  He trains guard dogs and police dogs and he worries that the handlers aren't strong enough or the dog he is sending out is too 'game'.  He worries about someone getting hurt and just wants me to remind him that he is good at what he does and that he's doing the best that he can.

The men who want to know that they are interacting with a person, regardless of whether they want to talk about sex, are the best.  They're fun, interesting to talk to, and talking to them keeps me going.  The callers who just want me to be a player in their fantasies with no deviation from the script running through their heads are what makes being a PSO really hard work.

Tonight was a hell of a lot of work.

Monday, February 20, 2012

The Hard Candy Fantasy

I was going to write about something else but, I want to get this down before I forgot it again.  I have used this story before and it seems to work quite well with many callers.  I call it the Hard Candy Fantasy because I came up with it after talking about a couple of teenage-girl empowerment movies with a friend.  The first film is older, it's called Wilderness Survival For Girls.  Due to some truly crack-brained ideas about how to distribute it, the film never got the recognition it deserved.  The film is about 3 teenage girls who use one of their parents' cabin for a weekend getaway.  The girls discover that a man has been squatting at the cabin and take the 'menacing stranger' captive by tying  him to a chair.  While they are debating what to do with him, the girls' fears and fantasies are touched upon, although they are never fully discussed.  One of the girls shows a strong taste for cruelty, both towards the captive man and toward  one of the other girls. The menacing stranger is alternately baffled and fearful of the girls' behavior.  He keeps trying to use his innate authority  (being male and an adult) to get the girls to release him.  In the end, he begins to attempt to manipulate the 'weakest' girl with a combination of seduction and appeals to her humanity.  The character actor playing the 'menacing stranger' is a favorite of mine named James Morrison.  The second movie is called Hard Candy, a thriller about a confrontation between an alleged sexual predator and a teenage girl who is not as weak as she seems.  Strange how both movies involve good looking men, bound and helpless.

This is the fantasy I use with callers:

"I am the teenage girl you have been chatting with online.  You know how old I am and I know that you are an older man.  We agree to meet and, even though I am surprised by your age, it doesn't scare me away.  In fact, it turns me on.  I agree to go back to your place.  You fix us drinks and I see you slip something into mine.  I realize you want me under your control and that really turns me on, just not in the way you want.  While you're distracted by my flirtatious strip-tease unbuttoning my shirt, I swap the glasses.  I encourage you to drink by gulping down my own and suggest we move to the bedroom so I can finish taking off my clothes for you.

We move to the bedroom and I have you sit on the edge of the bed while I stand in front of you and shimmy out of my clothing one piece at a time.  The heat I see in your eyes really turns me on and encourages me to be bolder.  You feel lightheaded and pass out.  That was my plan.  I realized that there was no way a tiny little thing like me could move a man like you on my own and I want you on the bed.

You wake up and immediately realize that you are bound to the bed.  You try to free yourself with some useless tugging and I start to laugh.  I am sitting on the bed next to you.  I explain that I have bound you with Bondage Tape and you are not getting free without my help.  Just to be clear, you are not getting that help unless you please me.  I straddle your waist and begin to unbutton your shirt.  I explain that what every teenage girl wants is a real-live flesh and blood cock to play with, however she wants and for as long as she wants, without pressure to please the man attached to that cock.  Thanks to your silly, little trick with that spiked drink, I have your cock completely under my control and it's time for me to have fun."

I think that your imagination can take it from there.  I used it tonight on a caller, pulling the "what's your favorite role-play" crap.  Subtext; 'I am too lazy and bored to guide the fantasy so I want you to entertain me and you better get it right'.  I think he was trying to steer me into an incest fantasy and I fucking hate those goddamned things.  So I pulled this rabbit out of my hat.  20 minutes later, he's out of time and I'm talking to a charming Dom from Chicago.

Go me!

Sunday, February 19, 2012


Sometimes a caller immediately start interrogating me as soon as I say 'hello'.  This is  No.1, rude.  Pissing of the PSO you're trying to share a fantasy with is not a good way of getting what you want. No one wants to feel like their being questioned by a cop when they are doing their jobs.  The caller is not a cop and I am not required to answer his questions.  In fact, there are rules to protect me that tell me I cannot answer some of his questions.

No. 2, it's pointless.  I'm not answering the caller's questions as me, I'm answering them as my character and she has a completely separate history.  Take 'Julie' for instance, the 18 year old girl I play when I am on a Barely Legal call.  She is 18 and just finishing high school or just starting college but, living at home.  She lives with her mother, stepfather, 2 older stepbrothers, younger stepsister, half-brother, and half sister.  The reason for such a large family?  Incest fantasies.  I hate them with a passion but, they are extremely popular on Barely Legal calls.  Julie's family grew as I added characters for Julie to have had encounters with, the idea of having sex with a step sibling is a lot easier to stomach than a biological sibling.  Sometimes, that is not enough for a caller, hence the other siblings.  Giving the caller a large cast to choose from takes some of the guesswork/mind-reading callers seem to expect.  Julie's family owns and operates a large CSA (community supported agriculture) organic farm.  The reason for that is so that Julie's first sexual experience was with one of the summer interns her mother hired to work on the farm.  Julie has a boyfriend and a girlfriend and likes sex in groups.  The only personality trait, 'Julie' shares with me is her dominant attitude.  She is definitely in charge of her own sexuality.

I've tried being submissive when that seems to be what a caller wants and I just can't do it.  If the caller is a talker, I can ooze my way through it by just letting him run the fantasy and making the appropriate noises.  It the caller is one of those "This is what I want, now entertain me" types, I am screwed.  My mind just goes blank.  I don't even know how to start.  I can handle a submissive call if the caller wants me to be sweet and loving (in fact, I had a great deal of fun doing one tonight) but, if he wants someone complicit in her own abuse, forget it.

No. 3, if I lose control of the call, it's probably going to end up being too short and that is not good.  If I let an interrogator run by just answering his questions, meekly, he has control of the call and wrestling it away from him is a waste of time.  If I try, he'll get pissed because he's not getting what he wanted and he'll still hang up.  Damned if I do...Damned if I don't.  The only way to win with these assholes is to get control of the call by insisting that they answer my questions and try to ease them into having a conversation instead.  If they don't like it, they'll hang up pretty quickly.

Anyway,  this asshole in San Francisco started interrogating me right from hello.  When I tried to get on top of the conversation by asking him questions, he went ballistic.  He started screaming "Are you paying for this call?" over and over again.  I started to try to tell him he doesn't seem to understand what he is paying for but, it was impossible to get through.  I told him that I wasn't going to listen to him until he behaved and he hung up.  What an ass-wipe. I was really pissed for about 3 seconds until I realized that he was probably angry because every PSO he spoke to was doing the same thing, trying to control the call by turning the tables on him.  The poor little fuck-wit was expecting to have a conversation with a dumb-as-shit strung out  whore who would do whatever he wanted and instead, ran into a pack of canny, talented women determined to get what they needed no matter what.

Play nice or fuck off and die, dick-less wonder.  We don't have time for your bullshit.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

What I did on my Mini-Vaction

I took a few days off for personal reasons.  For those who know, thank you.   The funny thing is I never manage to really get away from my job. I am either doing research or talking to friends to find out what I am not seeing.  No one is perfect and something that seems utterly incomprehensible to me might seem fine to someone else.

I talked to a caller who has a serious fetish for Black cock on my 'Friday'.  He describes himself as a heterosexual man in a committed relationship but, he fantasizes about worshiping Black cock as a submissive.  I don't talk to this man often.  He only calls very late at night.  I didn't recognize him, at first, and started out with a strong Black Domme persona.  Because of his fetish, this doesn't quite work with this caller even though he likes being dominated by a Black woman.  When he started asking about how I have sex with a black man, I should have figured it out, dammit.  Oh hell, It was late and I was slow on the uptake.  He expressed amazement that I would dominate a Black man, didn't wanted to get 'plowed' by a big Black cock and he viewed fellatio as a submissive act.  He has obviously never been restrained and had a woman use her her mouth to tease him.  An act I highly recommend, by the way.  He had trouble accepting the idea that sometimes a Domme is a Domme all the time and not just a woman  waiting to find a man strong enough to make her submissive.  A great many men suffer from this lack.

But, I'm not going to talk about that right now.  What I am going to talk about is my friend's reaction to being told about this caller's fetish.  Ying Yu, (yes, its a pseudonym, you don't need to know his name) is a young, intelligent, well-mannered, politically active Black man with a healthy and sensitive attitude about sex.  So I was surprised when I started talking about this caller's fetish and he started grinning like a maniac.  In a flash, I realized that a part of him LOVES being viewed as a sexual fetish.  Little brat.  He started telling me about why he likes it but, we got sidetracked into talking about cock-size fetishes instead.

The alcohol may have had something to do with it.

Sunday, February 12, 2012


The Psycho-Canadian is back. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck.  The first time I talked to that bastard he told me that he had an inoperable brain tumor and had 6 months to live.  That means the miserable bastard should have been feeding the worms 3 months ago.  I didn't believe him when he told me that bit of bullshit but I was really hoping...

Sound Effects

Here's one of things I discovered about men since working as a PSO.  Men LOVE sound effects.  Men think sound effects are sexy.  Men watch too much goddamned porn.

Today, 2 different Sound Effect Kings called in.  No. 1 is the Sound Effect King is from Boston.  He likes to dress up in a purple teddy (sometimes royal blue) and suck on an 8 inch dildo.  He also feels the need to share this experience with a PSO.  The end result is that I get to listen to this fucker suck and slurp on a pink silicon dildo for 10 or 15 minutes while telling him how hot and sexy he is.  These are the moments I live for (she growls with withering contempt).  If Sound Effect King from Boston is feeling really randy he moves from giving  his dildo a blow job to fucking himself in ass with it.  He wants an audience for the fucking, too.  I  listen to him sodomize himself while he grunts and moans and whimpers, happily.  I imagine I'm listening to pigs fuck.

Sound Effect King No. 2 is from Texas and seriously into oral sex.  Meaning, he loves to eat pussy.  Or, at least, make the sound effects to simulate eating pussy.  I don't even know how to begin to describe this sound.  The men who do it alternate between wagging their tongues while moaning (I think) and making slurping noises while moaning.  And I do mean 'men'.  A lot of callers make this noise and they think that it is sexy.  The Sound Effect King from Texas expects a PSO to also think that this disgusting noise is sexy, get completely turned on, and come within 6 minutes.  That's when he starts pleading, whining, and coaching me to come and I have to listen to that for, at least, another 4 minutes to make my minimum call time.  The key is to fake-moan for as long as possible without being boring and keep him on the line.  The Sound Effects King From Texas is jerking off and will come within 15 minutes.  If I bore him or 'come' too soon, he'll just call back.  He'll either get another operator or I'll get him and have to go through the whole charade over again.  2 short calls do not equal 1 long call and I want the long call.

It's just so goddamned hard not to laugh at him.  I mean, really.  This is supposed to be sexy?  Are you kidding me?  When I describe a blowjob, I use actual words to describe what is happening in exquisite detail.  The callers who listen to what I am saying get completely turned on.  I use some sound effects but, I have discovered that if I just make noise, I lose control of the call and the caller almost always ends the call too soon.  Some callers just want sound effects, no talking whatsoever.  The calls that start with "suck my cock, bitch", do not thrill me.  The good news is that if I don't play along immediately, they usually hang up.

Before I started working as a PSO, I tried to find any first hand information written by real PSOs.  I found one, just one, website called whoreonhold.com.  Sadly, it no longer exists.  I remember reading one entry when the woman talked about feeling like a Dolby sound board while slapping the hell out of a freshly thawed chicken to simulate the sound of slapping a caller.  The first night I worked, I ended up bruising the shit out myself while trying to please a caller with a spanking fetish.  The joys of phone sex.  He has a fetish for getting spanked and I end up with purple bruises up and down both thighs.

what the hell happened?

I'm not sure what the hell happened to my last posting.  Live with it.  Subjects for the next will be sound effects, ghost hunting, and domination stories.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Everyone close to me knows I'm into BDSM and have been for years.  I'm a Dominant, not a switch, not a submissive.  You would think that I would be very good at domination calls most of the time and you would be right.  The exception is when callers refuse to cooperate.

Domination phone sex is so easy compared to real domination, no mess, no safety words, no watching the clock to make sure I haven't left my sub in tight restraints too long.  (permanent damage is a very real risk in bondage, research before you play)  I don't have to worry about the length of my nails or if I'm striking too hard.  I do have to worry about whether I not I'm boring my caller.

Best-New-York-Sub is a rose with a few thorns.  In fact, I have just spent the last 3 hours talking to him in 15 minute increments.  The hosting company doesn't allow a caller to purchase a 3 hour block of time to use on one call.  What that means is that I would start to tell the fantasy, we would get disconnected, he would call back and I would have to pick the story up where I left off.  Holy shit, I feel like I've been running an imagination marathon!  Thank god I log and take notes, I would have been lost without being able to track the story from call to call.

I enjoy talking to Best-New-York-Sub because we are into the same things for the most part.  I do use a website called stockroom.com to get ideas to use with this caller.  (On a side note, if I ever get a spare 3 grand to spend, I'm getting myself a Folsom Bondage Bed.  Yeah, I really do want a bedroom that looks like a medieval torture chamber.  Without the rats, of course.  OK, maybe a couple of rubber rats for the humor value.)  This caller does have a habit of going dead silent if he doesn't like the direction I'm going in.  It sure as hell beats a caller hanging up on me but, I still find it annoying.  I'm trying to break him of the habit gently by encouraging him to vocalize and to break character, slightly, to request certain things.  I need feedback, dammit. The other thing is that after I am done with him, I really need a break.  That is not his fault, of course.  It's just hard to deal with other callers after I have talked to one caller for 3 hours.  I feel the same way when I end up getting connected to any caller over and over again.  Mr. Gross-and-Boring exhausts me and royally pisses me off, at the same time.

The last thing that has me the slightest bit annoyed is that this caller is the one I want to use as an example of a fantasy.  I really meant to do that today.  However, thanks to him and another caller who also had a submissive fantasy that took multiple calls to complete, I want the hell out of the dungeon. I'm sick of playing in here tonight and I didn't think that anything could make me say that.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Do's and Don'ts For Callers

When I started working as a phone sex operator, I only had a vague idea of what I was getting myself into.  I quickly learned that most of the callers didn't seem know much more than I did. So I decided to sit down and write a quick ‘how to’ guide for callers.  It’s a list of a few things I would love to tell callers when they call but, can’t because they get impatient when things don’t go the way they think that they should and hang up on me.  Imagine saying all of this shit to a caller.

First of all, before you even pick up that phone and start dialing, make sure your phone WORKS.   One of the most frustrating things I deal with is crappy cell phones.  There’s nothing that will kill the mood faster than an operator telling you, “I’m sorry, I can’t make out what you’re saying.  You want me to do what with your cock?”  Also, make sure your cell phone is fully charged and you’re in a place where you get a strong signal.  Dropping a call with a good phone sex operator when she’s starting to talk about all the hot, nasty things she going to do to you is just going to fucking annoy you and her.

Be prepared to talk.  A good phone sex operator will want to know a few things about you before she starts talking about fucking.  You don’t have to tell her the truth but, we really like it when you tell us something.  It helps build a fantasy with you if we can just hear you speaking and get to know a little about you.  Shy guys get flustered and hang up because they’re not expecting to be asked any questions.  Some guys like being what we refer to as ‘Silent Callers’ and, trust me, being silent is a really dumb way to try to get a good fantasy.  Some really annoying fuckers like to start with “I’ve been stroking my 12 inch cock and watching porn all night long.  What are you going to do for me?”   I’m going to tell you to keep watching porn and have a good night, because you obviously just want someone to provide sound effects.  Being treated like a recording does not inspire me to do anything except follow the rules.  If it bores you, too bad.  The best callers are the ones who use their own personas and discuss the fantasy they want to share before they dive in.  When you hear me say ‘hello’, introduce yourself, we’ll chat for a few, you’ll open up to me (because I’m fun to talk to) and tell me about that juicy fantasy you’ve been having involving a strap-on.  I’ll smile and start telling you about the toy party we’re going to go to where I’m going to fuck you in front of a room full of sexy women.  And then I’m going to share you  with the audience.

OK, I’m probably going to shatter a lot of illusions right now but, I’m going to tell you a little bit about what a phone sex operator is and is not.  Phone sex is an intense combination of acting and storytelling.  When I describe what I do for a living, I say I’m an ‘adult fantasy role-play operator’ because that’s the best description of what I do.  So, here goes the first illusion.  I AM NOT A WHORE. Got that? I am truly amazed about the sheer number of callers who think I am and truly believe I want to be called a sexy bitch right from the beginning.  Wrong.  I am an adult fantasy role-play operator and a goddamned good one.  I will tell you a story about an erotic encounter that will curl your toes, make you come, and have you calling back, begging for more.  I know I’m THAT GOOD because it happens to me every night I’m working.

Here’s another shattered illusion and it’s a rough one for a lot of callers: when you are speaking to me you are actually speaking to my persona, the character I’ve created for work.  This seems to piss off a lot of callers. Get over it. First of all, I am flat out forbidden by the company hosting the calls to give you any traceable, personal information.  Not, my name, address, phone number, email, nothing.  If I do, I will be kicked off the line and not allowed back on.  That’s true for every operator. So we all create personas and use them with every call.  I use a character's name, physical description, location, profession with every call and I absolutely hate the callers who call and hang up again because they think are going to find a hot, 18 year old girl who’s really into being gangbanged by a bunch of guys YOU chose.  You would have a better chance trying to pay for your kids’ college tuition by playing roulette in Las Vegas. It’s all FANTASY!  I’m sorry I’m busting your bubble but, really? Do you really think that there is some secret underground lair of horny girls just dying to fuck you?  Sounds like a really hot fantasy but, sorry it doesn’t exist.  Some callers are really obsessed with being told the truth.  The funny thing is they can’t even tell the difference.  One night, there was this guy just tearing up the phone lines. He called and asked his little list of questions and I started to recognize his voice.  By trial and error, I figured out he was looking for a blue-eyed blond starting her senior year of high school.  So I tell him what I know he wants to hear.  Then he says “Come on now, I want you to tell me the truth,” in a stern, daddy-knows-best kind of voice that would get him kicked in the balls if he tried it face to face.  I shrug and add a few years to my age, not even close to my real age but, now I’m curious.  I was a new operator and still getting my feet under me.  He has told me that he just wants to know he’s talking to a ‘real’ person and that the age doesn’t really matter.  I tell him I’m 21. He tells me, he will only talk to an 18 year old because that’s the only way he can get off and hangs up on me.  Asshole.  The very next call I get is the same asshole with the same stupid questions.  I pitch my voice higher, give him all the ‘right’ answers because now I know them and I know he’s a hypocritical liar.  We have hot, nasty phone sex and I end the call by telling him I’m 63, bald and covered in tattoos.  Stupid fucker.  To top off this bizarre tale, I still talk to this guy.  He still asks the same stupid questions. I give him the same stupid answers and he hangs up, spent and happy.

Last illusion to kick into the dust: I DO NOT MASTURBATE ON COMMAND. I do not hurt myself on command, either.  I actually had a guy on the line last week who ordered me to shove the largest dildo I own up my ass while we were talking about his day.  This was his fantasy.  No warm up, no getting to know you chat, nothing.  So, I ignore him and we keep talking about his day.  Five minutes later, he asks me if I’m fucking my ass with that dildo.  I tell him ‘no’.  He genuinely sounds hurt and confused when he asks me ‘why not, cause that really is my fantasy”.   “Yes,” I reply, “it is your fantasy and we can certainly role play that as soon as I get warmed up.”  “No, I just want you to do it. Right now. I want to hear you.”  I explain to him as gently as I can that I DO NOT MASTURBATE ON COMMAND.  This is fantasy and we can talk about whatever he wants.  “But I’m paying you.” “For phone sex. Not to listen to me grunt while I fuck my ass with a dildo.”  He hung up.  Fantastic, watch porn and I’ll talk to someone who wants to enjoy  a really hot fantasy.

(I wrote this just before I started blogging and forgot about it.  Just thought it was worth saving and it might be enjoyed)

Fantasy: A Psychological Need

What I was planning to do yesterday, before I got completely derailed by asshole callers, was talk about fantasy.      Other than being my favorite type of alternative fiction, fantasy is now my business.  The dictionary  has several definitions: imagination especially when extravagant and unrestrained, the forming of mental images, especially wondrous or strange fancies, imaginative conceptualizing, a mental image especially when unreal or fantastic, vision, a nightmare fantasy, daydream, or a hallucination.  My favorite definition is; an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need.  Yep, that about sums up what I do except for the fact that phone sex is a shared fantasy.

A lot of callers ask me what I am into.  I try to avoid answering that question at first because most of them aren't really interested in my fantasies.  They are on a fishing expedition, trying to find a girl into the same kink they are. What they actually get is the first operator who correctly guesses the answer they are looking for or the operator they settle for when all their 'fishing' fails.  I often sit here, wishing the callers would wise up and just tell me what they fantasize about so I could take it from there.  Alas, most of the callers are flaming idiots.  They don't realize that just telling an operator about their fantasies will turn them on and most operators will be able to whip up a really hot fantasy based on what she is told, regardless of whether or not the operator is 'into' the act she describes.  The callers smart enough to tell their fantasies to the operator definitely get their moneys' worth; the call is longer, the imagery is far more intense and our enthusiasm is real.  Give us a chance to be creative, that's what really turns us on.

I also recycle fantasies.  If I have a really hot, long call with one caller and then my next call is a Silent Caller.  I start telling the fantasy over again to the Silent Caller.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  The thing is being creative for 8 hours a night is really hard work.  I am often surprised how tired I am at the end of my shift.  Its not like I have been digging ditches all night long.

I want to write down one of the fantasies that I use on callers but, I'm just too damn tired tonight.  I start to write out a scenario and then I think about how long its going to take me and I chicken out.  The callers are getting weird and obnoxious, now.  It has been an OK night until this last hour.  I'm having a hard time not laughing at some of the goofy bullshit I'm hearing and the others are just boring and tiresome.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Friday Is Going Down Hill Fast

I really have no idea how I am going to get though the 2nd half of this shift.  I have bloody well had it with these freaks.  The night started out OK.  Better than OK, actually but, it has steadily gone downhill.  The callers are rude and impatient or downright insulting.  The Get-On-Your-Knees-Bitch guy has called.  So has the Officious Little Prick.  These guys normally haunt the Barely Legal lines, annoying the crap out of operators.  If they have switched to the 'older' operators on the Anything Goes line, they must have burnt their way through a bunch of operators.

On a side note, I just got finished talking to a caller pretending to be the lead singer of a Spanish heavy metal band.  All he wanted me to do was listen to his fictitious history and expound on his theory of creativity.  What utter bullshit.  He's trying to tell me that writers don't draw from the works of other writers, artists avoid looking at the works of others, and songwriters write songs in a bubble.  Guess this kid has never listened to blues or jazz, never read Lovecraft or the writers that writer inspired, and never so much as scribbled out a caricature of a teacher in school.  When ever I tried to talk, he just talked over me.  So I bit my lip and let him, as painful as it was.

I am in a really combative mood right now so biting my tongue for this brat wasn't easy.  I have had a long string of hang-up, Short Timers, impatient assholes either fishing for the 'perfect' girl or wanting to hear the sound of what they imagine is cock sucking right from the beginning.  Why the hell the worst callers have the best auditory memory is beyond me.  Murphy's law in action, I guess.

Tonight, the callers seem to be extra freaky.  I have had more than one caller wanting to know if I have ever caught my son masturbating and did it turn me on.  Yuck.  I had a motherfucking bestiality call.  That's fucking rare, thank god.  Lots of goddamned incest or pedophilia calls.  Can't you idiots be original?  I dropped my goddamned phone and pulled the cord out after I asked a caller his name.  My heart stopped when I thought I had damaged the cord.  I didn't, thank god.  That happened to me once and I thought the Boss was going to kill me.  I've had a ton of Silent Callers or callers who hang up if I ask them any questions.   I've had callers who assume that I know the exact details of their fantasies and hang up if I make a mistake.  One was a call I was really getting into and another was a caller who likes to be financially dominated.  I have talked to him before. Yes, Virginia, financial domination is a real fetish.  Look it up, if you don't believe me.  Both of those little fuckers hung up on me.  The first one because he was impatient and felt I was going too slow.  The financial domination caller thought I was going too fast.  I have had a lot of callers hang up on me for asking questions like "what's your name?".

Let me tell you something, caller.  If you are so goddamned shy you can't tell a phone sex operator the fake name you have decided to use, hang up the goddamned phone.  Watch porn, instead, you fuck-wit.  I am so goddamned sick of this stupid shit.  Stop calling phone sex lines using a shitty cell phone while in the middle of nowhere and then getting pissed off at the operator for not being able to hear a goddamned word you say.  Stop calling while half way IN your disgusting little fantasy and expecting me to figure out what you want, play along the way you want, and get turned on by your bullshit without any explanation.  If I could read minds, I would be playing poker in Monaco, not talking to fuck-wits like you. You are a moron, caller, and I hope you die a horrible fucking death, screaming your guts out while necrotizing fasciitis eats your dick.  This means you, Get-On-Your-Knees-Bitch.  I would sacrifice kittens to Satan to watch you rot so I can dance on your grave.  Mr. Financially-Dominate-Me can be rotting in the bed next to you along with Nasty-Little-Jerk-Off-Boy.


When I started working as a phone sex operator, it was strongly suggested that I keep a log book.  I didn't do it for the first few weeks.  The reason for that was rather stupid. I'm nearsighted and wear glasses except when I'm reading.  I would read between calls and take my glasses off.  When I got a call, I wasn't able to see the clock to note the time so I didn't bother to write anything down.  I also wasn't really sure what exactly I was supposed to be writing down.  A few weeks of taking calls and I started to notice certain patterns but I wasn't sure, so I started logging.

The first thing that became apparent was that I had more regulars than just Mr. Gross and Boring.  That was a relief.  I actually had about seven regulars and several semi-regulars, callers who recognized my voice or my name and reacted with pleasure at finding me.  I started noting their preferences so that when I spoke to them, so I could recall the previous conversation and reference it.  It makes them feel special, makes them like me more so they would seek me out more.  Positive feedback in action.

The second thing I noticed is that I consistently did better when I worked on certain shifts with certain people.  Many of my regulars call several times a week and a shift without speaking to any of them was suspicious.  That only happened when a certain supervisor at the hosting center was running the shift I was working.  Let's call this person The Downer.  I could go on and on about the Downer but, I won't right now.  All I'm going to say is that the Downer's management style leaves a lot to be desired.

A typical log entry looks like this:

7:01pm Domination John from New York (Julia) bondage, strap-on, being pimped out to      
                                 others, black leather corset and boots.
7:20pm  *19min*

Just a lot messier.  My handwriting is a crime.

Now, I'll translate.  The start time of the call and end time should be self evident.  The tag, Domination, tells me, roughly, what kind of fantasy  the caller is looking for though I have learned that not all callers are honest about what kind of fantasy they are looking for.  This is really common on the Barely Legal line.  Many callers are aware of the fact that the women they are speaking to are not teenagers.  Those callers seem to enjoy getting an operator to 'break character' to speak with them.  I caller once told me that he was glad to talk to the 'real' me.  I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at him.  The caller's name and location are not horribly important except to remind me what his name is while I'm talking to him.  (yes, I have completely blanked on a caller's name while speaking to him.  The caller I did that to thought it was funny) and the location is to help  identify him later if he calls me back.  The notes about what we talked about also help me identify him later and pick up the conversation again if he calls back during the same shift.  That was vitally necessary with this caller.  He called back 3 times during the same shift.  My name in parenthesis is to remind me what name I am using with a caller.  I have several 'characters' complete with separate histories.  I usually circle the call length time so I can calculate my average while I'm working.  It lets me keep track of how I am doing during my shift.  

I also track problem callers like the Psycho-Canadian (more on him some other time), hang ups, the back round noise I hear with Silent Callers so I know how many times I've been connected to them, and Short Timers.  Short Timers are a pain in the ass.  They are usually men who have been watching porn and jerking off for hours before they call.  These callers want to rush into the sound effects or 'catch phrase' stage of the call so they can come and get off the phone as quickly as possible.  In other words, they are cheap bastards.  They remind me of a friend of mine while I was in college and her strategy for going to the bar.  She would insist that people meet her at her house to have 2 or 3 drinks before going out.  Bring your own booze and be willing to share it with her.  After all, she was playing hostess.  Then, we would go to the bar. In other words, my friend was cheap and had come up with a way to get drunk for as little money as possible.  The fact that she was doing so at her friends' expense completely escaped her. She thought that the pleasure of her company made up for it.  The callers who try to pull the short time trick seem to think the same thing.

There was one I call Grandpa Short Time when I'm telling the story to friends.  One day, I kept getting connected to a man in Ohio who told me he was in his 60's and just become a new grandfather.  We spoke for 5 minutes and then he was gone.  I assumed that he had hung up.  I was connected to him again and the same thing happened. OK, now I'm getting suspicious.  It happens again.  Now, I'm getting pissed. Talking to him is demolishing my call time average and I either want him to stay on the line or get the hell away from me.  I am connected to him, again.  I confront him about hanging up on me, repeatedly.  he tells me that he's not hanging up on anyone, he's being cut off over and over again.  Now, he's pissed because operators are refusing to deal with him.   I get a flash of inspiration and ask him how much time he's purchasing in one block.  He tells me 5 minutes.  This stupid motherfucker is purchasing time in 5 minute blocks and has no idea why operators are getting pissed at him. Grandpa doesn't know that the operators need at least twice that to maintain our call time average.

Grandpa Short Time is one really stupid motherfucker.  I go off on him.  There are no other words for it.  I am furious (he is costing all of us money) and tell him that I am .  Did he really think that he could call a phone sex line and get off in less than 5 minutes, I ask him.  He did.  In fact, he thought he would have enough time to get off twice because he could stroke he cock and make himself come in less than 2 minutes.  He thought he could save the rest of the time for a later call.  I asked him why the hell he bothered to call, it sounded like he didn't need any operator to help him.  He told me that he wanted to listen to a woman come while he was stroking himself and he didn't understand why it was taking so long to get to that point.  He didn't understand why we ( the operators) spent so much time just talking.   You have got to be kidding me.  I told him that if all he wanted was sound effects, he should just watch a porno and save some money.  That wasn't real, he complained.  He got cut off, again.  Believe it or not, I got connected to him again.  I asked him how much time he had purchased. 15 minutes was his answer.  I tailor a Vanilla Sex fantasy for 15 minutes and he hangs up, happy.  Now, he's a regular and knows better than to buy time with us in 5 minute blocks.

Good.  Now I don't have to hunt him down and beat him with my phone.