Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Stage Fright

I have been a PSO since...September, I think.  I would have to look it up to be sure.  Since the day I decided that an hour and a half commute each way for a shitty job was just not worth the effort.  Especially since the company pulled a bait and switch on me and the job I was being trained to do was not what I was hired to do.  So I have been talking to men about sex for 8-9 months and I still experience stage-fright.

It's stupid and unnecessary but, I dread the first half hour of my shift.  Part of it is, flat out, because of the Downer.  Every new PSO has to start on his shift and he seems to be determined to make the experience as unpleasant as possible.  I guess he believes in trial by fire.  The hosting company controls which callers a PSO talks to, though the official line is that a PSO gets the next call coming in according to queue.  Bullshit.  When I work on the shifts the Downer supervises, I never speak to any of my 'regulars'.  I will end up speaking to every short time freak I have never been able to lure into a long call for the entire length of my shift.  Assuming that I am allowed to work my entire shift.  If my call time average drops too low, I can be 'given a break' or 'placed on call'.  Each day I work, I have to prove myself all over again within the first half an hour.  Most of the time, it is not a problem.  Sometimes, it feels like herding cats and I have no idea what kind of shift it is going to be until I am in the middle of it.

The end result is stage-fright.  I get nervous; fluttery stomach, tense, wondering if there is anything I can do to ease the transition and knowing that there isn't.  I clean off my desk, gather the things I will need, brew a pot of coffee and wait until it's time to start talking to perverts.  Mindless video games help but, not much.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Last Hour

The last hour of my shift is very hard to predict.  Sometimes, it is god-awful.  All the freaks seem to come scuttling out in the wee hours of the morning, dragging their twisted fantasies behind them like freshly butchered kills.  These callers are usually brazen about what they want and they expect PSOs to be thrilled to talk to them.  I think that they know that we are bored.  Other times, I get argumentative drunks or Lazy Fuckers wanting a PSO to tell them a fantasy like it's a bedtime story.  I have had callers tell me to start talking about their fantasy and warned me that they were going to fall asleep, hopefully, and to just keep talking.  Okay.  Personally, I would find it incredibly annoying to be listening to someone talk while I was trying to fall asleep but, if that is what they want, I'm game.  I make sure they understand that I cannot disconnect the call on my end once they do fall asleep, it's against the rules.  The call will end when they hang up or run out of time.

I have only had one caller complain about that policy.  In fact, we spent his entire call time arguing about it.  First, he said he didn't believe me.  We bickered about that until I finally told him that I have no interest in what he 'believed', those were the rules as they were explained to me and I wasn't going to break them for him.  He shifted into cajoling, telling me that he was a really nice guy and deserved a break.  I rolled my eyes.  Having worked customer service jobs before, this bullshit is nothing new to me.  Why some people think that they can act like jerks and then ooze out a few phony compliments to get something extra is beyond me.  In defense of customer service representatives everywhere, if they tell you it is a rule they cannot break, they are not kidding.  They are not fucking with you for the hell of it.  Customer service representatives can and do lose their jobs for breaking those rules and why the hell should they risk their survival for you?  Because you're a nice guy?  Stop being such an arrogant ass.

I explained to him that asking me to break the rules, just this one time, for him, because he is such a nice guy was a waste of time.  It was not going to happen.  First of all, I could lose my job, asshole.  Are you going to pay my bills?  No?  Then, fuck off.  Second of all, letting the caller go early literally costs me money.  I get paid on a sliding scale depending on my call time average.  I need as many long calls as I can get.  Telling a caller a 'sexy bedtime story' until the time runs out is a long call and is how I make money.  Trying to predict when the caller falls asleep and hanging up to save him a few minutes for his next phone sex call is counterproductive.  He started calling me vile names and kept at it until his call time ran out.  Not quite the bedtime story experience he was looking for.

Sometimes, the late evening callers are  wonderful.  Last night was one of those.  The call started normally enough, basic exchange of information.  I call it the 'get to know you chat'.  Some callers really balk at this part, they don't want to waste their precious call time talking about things other than sex.  Tough.  It's part of the call guidelines I have to follow and, more importantly for me, it's how I get a lock on someone's voice so I can understand them.  People don't realize how much a telephone distorts the sound of a human voice because we are too used to compensating for that distortion mentally.  Until we speak to someone with an accent different than our own, we don't realize how often our brains fill in the blanks while we are listening to someone on the phone.  Because the speech pattern is different from our own, we lose the ability to fill in the blanks, temporarily.  I have a hard time understanding callers from the East coast and certain parts of the South until I get used to the sound of their voices by chatting with them.

During the getting to know you chat, I asked the caller his age.  He gave me a number and then said "It's not the years, it's the mileage."  I laughed and teased him about quoting Raiders of the Lost Ark to me.  He was absolutely flabbergasted that I recognized the quote and could name the source.  He told me that I was the first PSO he had spoken to who had been able to identify that quote.  I asked how often he called.  He answered 'a lot'.  We talked about the movie John Carter of Mars and I admitted that I was reluctant to go see it because I had loved the Edgar Rice Burroughs books as a teenager and I was afraid to watch the story butchered in a film.  He reviewed the movie for me.  We discussed films, books, comic strips, comic book writers and artists for nearly the entire call.  We have very similar tastes in entertainment and talking to him reminded me of all the wonderful stories I read as a teenager and how much I love science fiction and fantasy.  Near the end of the call, he paid me the best compliment I have ever heard from a caller.  He told me that our conversation was most emotionally satisfying experience that he had ever had with a PSO and that I had so far exceeded his expectations I left him breathless.  He equated phone sex as about as sexually exciting as sneezing.  It never crossed his mind that he would come across a PSO who shared his interests and could speak intelligently about them.  He never knew what a turn on it could be.  Well... surprise!

He also told me that my voice made him think of a velvet gloved hand stroking down his spine and
making him shiver with delight.

Yeah, that was nice, too.

Friday, March 23, 2012


Sorry about the epic length posting last time.  The topic got away from me and I shouldn't blog while drinking vodka anyway.  It was fun though.

Missing The Point

So a man walks into a bar...

No, I'm not going to tell a joke.  I just wanted to give an example of how my conversations with friends on the subject of phone sex usually start. "So I was talking to this caller..." who called in on the Domination line.  He's raring to go and already in character as a submissive.  Good, because I am not in the mood for an argument with some fucked-up pseudo-Dom .  I consider myself a pretty good phone actress right now but, crying on command usually gives me a raging headache and fighting with those jackasses takes too much time.  In the process of convincing them that I am not the punching bag of their dreams, they tank my call time average.

I actually had a caller tell me "Let me give you a piece of advice, honey.  The customer is always right" when I refused to be interrogated by him.  (I can smell a fishing expedition a mile away now)    Not true, asshole, and I've worked customer service and retail long enough to know better.  If there were no rules to customer interactions other than 'the customer is always right', no business in this country would survive more than a year.  The most honest people on the planet will lie without the slightest hint of guilt to a customer service representative.  I know this from years of personal, work experience.  Also, I don't think of the callers I interact with as 'customers'.  I'm not fucking Burger King, you moron.  I think of my callers as 'clients' and myself as a professional offering a highly specialized set of skills.  That means I get to screen my clients.  I am not arrogant to think that I am going to appeal to every caller I am connected to.  Hell, I know from countless hours of experience getting hung up on over and over again, that I do not.  There are also things that I cannot do, such as hiccup on command or be convincing with a caller who wants to imagine that I am causing myself physical pain.  There is a torture porn guy who thinks I'm wonderful but, he's the exception.

There was some old dude in the south who was actually sounded sad when I started laughing at him.  He really liked the sound of my voice, thought I was 'very sexy' when we started talking  He wanted to know if I had a certain set of toys.  I said yes even though I only had one item on his list (remember what I said about lying to callers?) and he started ordering me to use them on myself.  I tried to stay in character but, failed miserably and started laughing instead.  His response?  "You're not going to be laughing for long, bitch.  Get those nipple clamps on now!" I fell out of my chair, howling with laughter.  "Those nipple clamps aren't for me, you idiot!"  This is when he started to sound like a kicked puppy.  He asked me what I meant.  I explained, again, that phone sex is about fantasy, not about him ordering me to do things to hurt myself.  There are professional sex workers who do that sort of thing and they charge A LOT of money for their services.  I would too, if that were my thing.  I told him that his fantasy just wasn't working for me right now and he sounded so hurt that I wanted to pat him on the head.  I explained (something I normally don't bother to do for callers like this) that I was in a really good mood and wouldn't be able to stop laughing any time in the near future.  The truth is my persona is very upbeat simply because most callers want to talk to a friendly sounding PSO and it's hard to sound friendly and welcoming when I'm pissed.  Therefore, 'screening my clients' is essential for my frame of mind and my ability to work.  It is also an action the hosting company does not approve.  As far as they are concerned, all PSOs should try to entertain all callers, unless they are underage (and we do get them.  Ever wonder what your son is doing when you are not at home?  It's not just video games) no matter what.  Well, I say bullshit to that.

I explained to the old dude that I am not going to hurt myself just to entertain him.  Got another round of "But, that's what I'm paying you for," in return.  Sigh... No, that is not what you are paying for, you are paying for a fantasy, not a puppet.  Unlike most callers, the old dude actually got it.  Good puppy, I find myself wanting to pat him on the head, again.  He asked if I was sure I couldn't just try, (I guess he was having a hard time finding a PSO he liked) and I said no, I just couldn't see myself being good enough at this to portray his fantasy to his satisfaction.  Throughout this whole exchange, I have been giggling like a schoolgirl.  Not laughing, not chuckling, giggling.  The whole conversation is just too goddamned surreal.  This...person is still trying to convince me to twist my nipples and fist myself so I can make the appropriate noises that will get him off and I am cackling like a hyena.  No, no and no.  I'm sorry but, I just can't do it.  The same way I have never been able to master a credible English accent, no matter how much I try.

Now, back to the first caller I mentioned at the beginning of this ramble.  I've already talked about how much I hate dealing with the ones who start out 'in persona' and leave me guessing what their fantasy is.  The caller, thankfully,  was willing to answer enough questions for me to figure out he was into CBT.  For the uninitiated, CBT stands for CockBallTorture.  Some callers are really into the idea that a woman would abuse their genitals until they get off.  The Psycho-Canadian is one of them.  He wants to be ordered to masturbate with a Brillo pad so he can call the PSO telling his fantasy to him that she is a sick, twisted bitch.  Some men are really into CBT.  It usually involves slapping, punching, stomping, or crushing the genitals.  Oftentimes, using stiletto heels.  The Psycho-Canadian is an example of a fake sub, the CBT he wants to talk about is physically impossible to do without landing him in the ER.  This caller is of the same ilk.  He starts telling me what implements he has handy to use 'at my command' and I am guessing that he is a fake sub.  He's into cock-stuffing (I am not going to dignify this bullshit by calling it sounding) with crochet hooks.  Plastic, motherfucking, crochet hooks.  The sheer impossibility of this crap leaves me breathless. Not only that, he as an array of irritating substances to smear on the crochet hook before inserting it into his cock.  Bengay, Icy Hot, that capsaicin cream.  Holy. Shit.  I ask him if he has ever had an infection. No, and he has no idea about how to sterilize any of his 'equipment'.  And now I know he's full of shit.  Either this guy has an immune system and pain tolerance that should be researched by the CDC, or this is nothing but fantasy.  After I 'order' him to insert the hook and all he does is whimper a little, now I am 100% sure this is nothing but bullshit.  Thank god.  I have ordered subs to do any number of things but, I avoid telling callers to do things that could land them in the hospital.  Some callers do take things too far.  The hosting company I use has no guidelines for this behavior but, others do and strictly forbid this type of 'domination'.

I prefer to err on the side of caution so I start to just start asking him questions; how often, how big are the hooks, what substances he uses, whatever I can think of.  I am not going to tell him to insert anything else just on the off chance that he will decide to actually try it.  Somehow we get off the subject of CBT and onto the subject of his sex addiction.  Of course, he doesn't call it a sex addiction but, he tells me that he spends hours lurking on webcam sites.  He starts describing what these performers do and I am appalled.  He, delightedly, describes watching a woman masturbating while squatting over a mirror, mop up her discharge with her discarded panties and auctions those panties off to the highest bidder.  Apparently, the performers on this particular website only get paid for private performances.  They make money by performing 'tricks' for tips during their downtime, like masturbating while squatting over a mirror.  My caller thinks this is wonderful and thinks that I should become a webcam performer.  I point out that I am a Domme and am not interested in 'performances' that I find demeaning.  He is completely oblivious to this, he is so into the idea that I would become a webcam performer that he cannot hear a word I say.  He continues telling about 'performances' that he found particularly thrilling.  I have now stopped talking and stopped listening to the caller.  I am thinking about a woman masturbating over a mirror and how desperate she must be to do this for petty cash and I am wishing that the world is other than what it is.  My caller is trying to convince me to sign up for this website right now so he can 'see what I can do'.  He is ignoring my statement that, as a Domme, the idea of performing on command for another is completely repugnant.  I do not even send images of myself to anyone.  It is far too easy for a recipient to pass those images along to .... well, everyone with an internet connection.

The great thing about phone sex is that I can walk away from it at anytime without repercussions, other than a slight alteration to my speaking voice and my outlook on men.  A webcam performer might not have that option.  Once those pictures and images are out there, they are out there being copied and passed around over and over again.  I worked for a company not too long ago, that fired 2 young women for stripping on the weekends.  The company felt that their after hours activities did not suit the company's 'family friendly' image.  They did not fire the group of male employees who were patronizing the club and felt it was appropriate to take pictures of the girls to email to everyone they knew.  They did get suspended... 2 days for using the company email to distribute the pictures they took without permission.  The company wasn't interested in why the girls decided to try stripping, (everyone's hours had been cut to compensate for the slow economy) both of them needed to make ends meet.  They just didn't want a client to ever walk into the office and say "Didn't I see you dancing at the Pussycat Club last night?"  I'm not even going to begin to explain this to the caller.  He doesn't care about anything except the novelty of watching women perform masturbatory acts on camera for tips.

Oh, hell no.  This jackass is trying to give me instructions on how to sign up for a webcam account right now.  I don't even bother to look at the website.  This will never happen without a frontal lobotomy and an inter-cranial infestation of alien, brain controlling, slugs.  And even then, I doubt it.  Not going to happen, ever.  He finally starts hearing what I am saying and sounds genuinely hurt by my lack of enthusiasm.  He really wants to 'see' me...in front of a webcam fucking myself... for tips... and seems to think that I should be flattered by his interest and grateful for the 'advice'.  Let me think about it...No.  I gently explain to him that the conversation we are now having is actually against the rules; you can talk about any sexual fantasy or fetish you want as long as you are not trying to lure the PSO into working for another company.  That is a big no-no and callers do get thrown off the line for doing that when they're caught.  He goes back to waxing poetic about the wonders of webcam porn and runs out of time.

I make a note of the call.  The caller might be a recruiter for the webcam site or be trying increase traffic for the site.  There is a caller who calls himself Diaperboy who demands that PSOs go to a website where he is a regular performer so they can 'Like' him.  If a PSO tells him she doesn't have a Facebook account, he wants her to print out his profile picture and plaster that lovely image all over her neighborhood.  If he doesn't hear the printer running, he hangs up.  I think he has been banned.  I haven't spoken to that little freak in quite awhile.  The problem is that there are no rules for PSO's about callers wanting them to go to sites and look at whatever.  And callers are increasingly assuming that PSOs have computers to use and will do so.  The hosting company doesn't want us using computers because they feel that it distracts us and they're right.  However, I think that most PSOs are aware of how to stop what they are doing and concentrate on the caller when need be.

I got into phone sex to get away from arbitrary rules in the office place that make me feel like a mindless drone.  And just like the callers, they can't see what I am doing.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

The Intellectual Sex Fetish (Really?)

I read an article called the Intellectual Sex Fetish by Anneli Rufus.  Not sure where I saw it but, I copied it into a word file for the purpose of talking about it here.  The article pissed me off that much.  Her tagline describes cuckolding as "S&M for Ph.Ds" as if S&M is too lowbrow for post graduate participants.

I deal with cuckolding fantasies constantly while I am working.  They are very popular with many callers from all walks of life.  What strikes me as strange about these fantasies is that they are not about a woman's pleasure, though many callers talk about not being about to 'please' their wives because of their physical inadequacies at the beginning of the call.  It is typically one of three reasons; impotency is rare, performance is more common, small cock size is the top of the list.  "I can't please my wife because my cock is too small," is usually what I hear.  These men seem to think that all women are size queens and, if they are less than 8 inches, they have no hope in hell of getting a woman off.  The idea that technique might have something to do with their poor performance never crosses their mind. Their idea of poor performance is not being able to last long enough or get hard again, quickly enough.

The callers just want their wives or girlfriends to be sexually fulfilled ... fucking men they choose.  That doesn't sound like cuckolding to me, that sounds like pimping.  There is a caller from Georgia who only calls on the weekend and calls all day long while drinking.  He won't talk to me, though, until that first six-pack is gone.  It seems that I only sound good to this guy when he's drunk.  Gee thanks.  Of course, I am far too professional to fuck with One-Grunt while he's got a buzz on, right?  Guess you haven't been paying attention.  That's the other thing about this caller, once we start to get into his fantasy, he stops speaking in words and just kind of grunts at me.  I imagine trying to get through a sexual fantasy speaking to a gorilla wearing a John Deere cap.  His fantasy is pimping his sweet, little Georgia peach of a wife out to black men he picks for her.  They have talked about it.  According to One-Grunt, they are very open about their fantasies with each other.  She's willing to entertain the idea, and has a very strong opinion on the man she will fuck for her husband.  That's the sticking point between husband and wife, she wants to choose the man and will not even consider acting out a cuckolding fantasy any other way.  He just can't understand it, why she is so resistant to the idea of him choosing the man she will fuck for him to the point where they can longer discuss this fantasy with each other.  For One-Grunt, choosing that man (or men) is a very important part of the fantasy.  The thought of letting his wife choose her own sexual partner for a night of infidelity that she will share with him in one form or another is actually a turn-off.  In his mind, her choice would make it cheating.

The author of the article doesn't bother to mention the wives' point of view.  I don't think that she bothered to do any research outside of pro-cuckolding online forums.  While she was reading their posts and marveling at their writing skills, she seemed to miss the fact that they were bullshitting her.  Her article states that the rules of cuckolding is that the husband does not participate.  The idea of there being rules that define cuckolding is laughable.  There might be rules to participate in the forum, that I can believe.  From the cuckolding fantasies callers have shared with me, I know that there is a range from either being told about the sexual encounter later or seeing pictures or video to the other end of the spectrum with the wife teaching the husband how to behave like a slut for the other man.  The article describes cuckolding as psychological sadomasochism for the husband.  I would say that the author of the article chose to focus on one minor aspect of this fetish and ignore the rest.  According to the article, 'cucks get aroused by mental anguish'.  She makes a point of stating that this is somehow different and better (and somehow classier) than S&M.  Apparently the way those online forums present themselves really turned on the author of this article.  She invites the reader to check out a forum "where letter-perfect postings celebrate cuckoldry as a cerebral pursuit, transcending ordinary voyeurism and S&M as a dangerous game involving jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sharing, sublimation, lust. and trust."

That seems to be one hell of a smoke screen.  The husbands she interviewed make a point of talking about the fact that they choose their wives' sexual partners.  She describes one husband as 'helpless' as he watches his wife with a partner of his choosing.  That doesn't sound like helplessness to me.  That sounds like whore-mongering.  The husband goes on to state that watching his wife having sex with another man arouses him enough to make him masturbate "like a madman".  The husband talks about the reactions of his wife's body as proof he is not a good lover but, not about what his wife's says about the experience.  He isn't interested in his spouse as a partner or a person anymore, she has been reduced to a prop in his fantasy.  She is now a sex toy.  The husband in the article makes a point that what he does is completely different than a blue-collar "Y'wanna fuck my wife?" encounter in a roadhouse bar but, it isn't, no matter how it is dressed up.

My experience with cuckoldry with callers seems to be restricted to talking about their frustrations with their wives' not wanting to play along.  I'm not surprised that a woman would react negatively to the idea that her husband would arrange to have her gang-banged by a bunch of strangers for his sexual pleasure.  What surprises me (but, shouldn't) is the fact that the caller usually has never even thought to ask his wife about her fantasies.  It's not a matter of them not wanting to waste their call time talking about their wife's sexual dreams.  They have no idea what they are.  And the callers are genuinely confused and hurt by their wives' refusals.  One caller became furious while describing the argument he had with his wife.  His fantasy is to watch his wife get fucked by his best friend because his friend's cock is so much bigger than his (of course).  His wife was completely revolted by his fantasy.  She thinks his friend is an asshole and isn't attracted to him.  She suggested a man she works with as an alternative.  Her husband was outraged that she had been thinking of having sex with a co-worker and wouldn't even consider his buddy.  "He has a big dick," he kept repeating as if that is the only criteria women use to decide on a sexual partner, "I've seen it while we were changing at the gym.  I even showed her a picture."  When I pointed out that most women usually are not interested in men they find unpleasant to be around, he ignored me.  "He has a really big dick," he said.  "Wouldn't you want to fuck that dick?"  "Not if the guy attached to it is a really big dick, too," was my response.

The cuckoldry fantasies I hear about seem to involve the woman being degraded is some way; forced to have sex with a man (or men) they do not choose, not for their pleasure but, for their husband's.  This is not a 'new intellectual fetish', it is a very old one.  This is a man's fantasy about controlling the sexuality of the woman in his life for his own gratification.  Most of what I hear about boils down to controlling the sexuality of the women in the caller's life in some fashion.  Sometimes it is about a wife or girlfriend, sometimes a mother, sometimes a daughter.  The caller might pretend to be submissive but, that is an act.  When I change the fantasy to a man the woman chooses, they quickly loose interest or attempt to steer the fantasy back to what they find exciting.

I know that just speaking to callers on a phone sex line is not in-depth research into a complex subject but, neither is chatting with a couple of men on a pro-cuckoldry online forum.  Neither of us are speaking to the wives but, unlike the author of the article, I am genuinely curious about what they would say.  Anneli Rufus seemed to have gotten swept away by the enthusiasm of the men involved and forgot that there are real women involved in this fetish and those women have opinions, too.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I have NO idea how to do that (and I'm not trying it)

There is a guy who wants a PSO who can force herself to hiccup on command.  That is all I know about this freak.  I say "Hello," and he demands to know if I can hiccup for him.  He was so rude the first time, I said 'no' rather forcefully.  He hung up.  Apparently, this freak was having a hard time finding a PSO who could do what he needed because the next time I told him 'no', he demanded that I "drink some goddamned soda and I'll call back," and hung up.  Asshole.  Sure enough, I got him again and he asked if I was ready to hiccup for him.  No. "Why not?"  At this point, he is practically screaming with frustration.  "I don't drink fucking soda," I tell him.  It's perfectly true, I don't drink soda because I avoid anything made with corn syrup.  There was no soda in the house and I had (and have) no intention of changing my eating habits for some freak trying to get off.

Yesterday, I was talking to some blue-collar, Republican idiot and somehow we got on the subject of food.  I told him I don't eat anything with corn syrup in it.  This caller's response? "Don't tell me you are stupid enough to believe all that bullshit.  Sugar is sugar." That's right, folks.  This guy quotes a fucking lobbyist commercial to me and calls me stupid.  I was in a strange mood yesterday.  It felt like my usual flash fire temper had run out for a quickie vacation and forgot to let me know it was taking off for the beach.  (Trust me when I tell you it's back with a vengeance today.)  Instead of telling this caller to stop being 'a fucking moron', I calmly explain that I don't care what the research says about my body not being able to tell the difference because, for me, it's simply not true.  What I told him is almost true, which is funny because the first thing that he told me when we started talking is that he hung up on the last PSO for lying to him.  He described what happened, the girl lost track of her story and he called her out on it.  I don't what I said to convince him I was not lying but, of course, I was.  Telling the truth is not in my job description.

The almost-true part is what I told him about why I stopped eating corn syrup.  I started binge eating from stress in high school mostly because I was so busy I would forget (or not take the time) to eat in the morning and be ravenous in the afternoon.  I started to stretch it out to 2 or 3 days to avoid the crash for as long as possible.  The behavior got worse in college and started making me sick.  I started forcing myself to eat on a regular schedule but, the craving to binge never went away.  As I got older, I realized that the need to binge was worse the more processed food I ate.  The first thing I cut out was soda, then snacks, then just corn syrup in any food, then just as much processed food as possible.  With each thing I eliminated, the craving to binge lessened and my ability to feel full slowly returned.  I still binge, on occasion, but that might mean having toast late in the evening instead of eating my way through a bag of chips.  I don't care if the medical professionals have decided that binge eating disorder is purely psychological and has no physical component.  They are wrong.  I don't care if the Corn Refiners Association tries to tell me that their product is just another type of sugar.  They are lying to protect their profit margin.  For the first time in years, I feel like my body is not out of control and I am not giving that up to drink soda, or eat fast food or junk food.  It's just not worth it and the thought of eating that crap now makes me ill.  I don't crave it, or buy it, or eat it.

My caller listened to my polite rant about corn sugar in silence. He did try to inject a few pithy comments about trusting the experts until I pointed out that the 'expert' he was quoting was a commercial funded by the Corn Refiners Association.  He gave up and we moved onto other topics.  The Republican Canadian cabdriver called today and I had a wonderful time talking to him about art. We, wisely, chose to avoid the subject of politics aside from him letting off a few rumbles about stupid Liberals.  This is the part that still trips me out about all of these men.  They accept whatever the Conservative Right tells them is true without question but, if I offer an opposing viewpoint, they tell me I'm stupid.  Half the time they don't even know what the opposing viewpoint really is and they reject it because it is not what they have been told by the Right.  They are utterly enraged if I disagree with them on any of their bullshit and literally, scream at me.  If you heard this, you would think that I am slicing off their dicks, one inch at a time.  And feeding those slices to my dog.  I won't even begin to comment on the hypocritical concept of 'voting with God' and patronizing a phone sex line at the same time.

Someone, anyone, tell me why these jackasses thing that they have the innate right to tell me what to think?  Because, they are paying me?  Because I'm not a 'good girl'?  What?  Being a PSO does not mean that I am brain dead, in fact, it is the exact opposite.  It takes some brains to do what I do.  And that means I read and think for myself and make my own decisions.  Get over it.

If you are going to change my mind about anything, it's going to take a hell of a lot more than just volume.  I can yell right back and I know I can get louder than you can.

Be Careful What You Say

I'm into watching paranormal shows, something that both my friends and several callers know.  It started with Ghost Hunters, and the spin off.  Then I found Ghost Adventures, the Haunted, Paranormal State and the Dead Files.  The less said about the last two, the better.  The host and lead investigator of the Paranormal Files seems to need psychiatric treatment and the psychic on the Dead Files wants to be the next Lorraine Warren.  Like Lorraine Warren, the psychic on the Dead Files states that the world of the supernatural is incredibly frightening and not a place for amateurs to play.  Of course, she considers herself to be a qualified expert.  In fact, she seems to believe that she is the only qualified expert around.  Everything is dark and dangerous.  Though, unlike Lorraine Warren, she does not toss the word 'demonic' around like confetti.  As far as I can tell, her expertise comes from being born with psychic ability and that is the only qualification she considers valid.  To top it off, she actively discourages other 'talents' from exploring their abilities.

To be clear, I am honestly not sure whether or not I believe in ghosts or psychics.  My rational mind tells me to only trust what I can quantify.  However, I have had experiences that make me question the nature of the world we live in.  That is what I love about these shows and those investigators .  They believe but, they want evidence to support that belief.  They're are a lot like me.

However, I am kind of pissed off at Zak Bagans, the lead investigator and 'star' of Ghost Adventures. Because I am a PSO, I am sensitive to how women are addressed in any given situation.  I already was because I am a feminist.  Now that I work in the exciting field of sex entertainment, I am a hundred times worse.  The best example of the behavior I'm talking about is from the movie, Nuts, starring Barbara Streisand.  Throughout the movie, the character she portrays is referred to as a 'girl'; a sick girl, a confused girl, a bad girl, whatever.  The character is a high priced escort who kills a john in self defense.  She is a sophisticated woman clearly in control of her own life, no matter what anyone thinks about her profession.  She might be crazy but, she is not a girl.  As a PSO, I have become accustomed to men talking down to me automatically.  I realize that they are making an assumption about me but, I cannot put my finger on what it is.  It is not simply a matter of thinking that I am stupid, or crazy, or depraved because they think that a PSO is a whore and a whore is all of those things.  It is a combination of all of those things and something more.  It is the idea that a woman who sells sex for a living does not have the right to own her own body.

How does this apply to Zak Bagans?  I was watching his recap show filmed in his personal dungeon one night and they showed a clip of his 'apology' to the spirit of a prostitute who committed suicide in Virginia City, NV.  According to Zak, he acted like an asshole during his first investigation, taunting the ghost named 'Rose' about her suicide.  From the clip he showed, I agree.  He was a complete and utter jerk the first time he investigated the alleged haunting of room 11.  He returned to the room years later with a bouquet of flowers to apologize.  All well and good, until it was time for him to leave and he demanded a hug or a kiss from the spirit in return for bringing her flowers.  He stated that he felt he deserved it.  Back to being an asshole, Zak.  A person does not 'deserve' anything after offering an apology for their behavior and I feel that if this spirit had not been a prostitute, he would not have thought what he said was appropriate.  He wouldn't have demanded a hug and and a kiss from a mother who committed suicide from despair after losing a child, or an elderly woman who killed herself instead of facing the pain of a terminal illness, or a teenage girl.  Somehow, knowing this spirit had been a sex worker changed his behavior toward her and I am sure he had no idea that he was doing it.  He spoke to her the same way callers speak to me and it pissed me off.  Unlike Zak Bagans, I know something of the history of prostitution in the Old West.  I doubt that the spirit of a woman who ended her live to escape that misery would have any interest in hugging or kissing anyone in return for an 'apology' and a bouquet of flowers.

I know that bitching about how a TV host spoke to a spirit that might not exist is ridiculous but, I would bet money that if Zac Bagans spoke to me, he would adopt the same condescending tone and mannerism and I would be forced to verbally eviscerate the little cretin.  I have spent the entire evening abusing callers (and having a blast) by making it clear that I am in control of my sexuality even in the context of phone sex and they were not going to dominate me or talk down to me.  A caller told me that he was going to shove his dick in my face and force me to suck it.  I told him that he better be prepared to lose an inch because I was going to use my teeth to rip a chunk off and spit it back in his.  Instead of hanging up on me, he loved it and stayed on the line.  Another little shit started waving his dick around (and this was for a Cougar fantasy) and expected me to be utterly dazzled by this display of manhood.  I asked him why he thought a successful, independent, sophisticated woman would be interested in his little barnyard strut because an 8 inch cock just isn't that hard to find.  He had no answer.  By the end of the call, that little boy was calling me "ma'am".  The last caller of the evening shamefully admitted to me that his fantasy was meeting a woman as strong willed as I am and dominating her.  I sighed, and started to point out that if I met him in real life I would avoid him like the plague but, we ran out of time.  He kept asking me "don't you want to get married and take care of your man?"  (Believe it or not, he is not the first caller I have dealt with who has this fantasy.)  The truthful answer is complex.  I have been in love and I did 'take care of my man' and my man, in return, treated me with an enormous amount of respect.  I would love to experience that kind of intimate relationship again and, having had that kind of relationship, I would never settle for anything less. 'Taking care of my man' does not involve being degraded or abused in any form, as far as I am concerned.  In the realm of phone sex?  I get to do whatever I want with little consequence.  If one caller doesn't like my 'attitude', it's almost guaranteed that the next caller will love it.

A lot of boys seem to like a girl with fangs.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Something Other Than Sex

I was talking to a caller from Texas.  As part of my persona, we stumbled into the topic of population shift.  Why this topic is part of my persona is a long story.  I'll tell you all about it some other time. He is a freelance reporter who has been tracking the subject through how it affects the Texas school system and high school sports.  I (and I do mean me, not my persona) have been tracking this dreadful trend through family farms.

People live where the jobs are and the majority of America's large employers are in or moving to large urban centers.  This is a sound business practice, for a number of reasons but, I feel that it is bad for the country.  It means that thousands of small towns in the United States are disappearing.  Young people move away to the city so they can make a living and they don't move back.  Schools close because there aren't enough children to keep them open and the towns die.  Small town Americans are becoming an endangered species.

I have a plan to change this and I told it to my caller.  There are millions of dollars available to support agriculture but, thanks to some hard core lobbying, that money is not available to family farms.  Instead, it goes to giant agriculture corporations like Monsanto.  Check out the news, what these companies are doing to the American food supply and the American farmer is truly chilling.
And these corporations do not need the money!  We need to change the guidelines about who can receive those funds and focus that money back on the place it was originally intended: the family farm.  In other words, cut off a lucrative stream of corporate welfare.  If farming were supported, more people would chose to stay on the farm.  More people would return to the farm.  Trust me when I tell you that a great many people living in large cities would run to the country in a heartbeat if they had a way to survive.  There are a whole bunch of us 'city folk' who really don't like living in a large city.

If we have more farmers, we have our population scattered more evenly across the country and those small towns will reawaken as business returns to provide services for the returning rural population.  This is a simplification.  I could go into greater detail but, I'm not going to get into that here.

The reason I am bringing this up?  Because I suspect that the caller I was speaking to is going to end up writing a story on this subject in the near future and I want it on record that I said it first.  He grilled me pretty thoroughly on my plan and then abruptly dropped the subject to talk about baseball.  When I asked me what he thought about my plan, he admitted that he had never thought about population shift that way and my plan sounded like a good one and went back to talking about baseball.  It felt like a trick that my mother would have pulled to get me to drop the subject and, hopefully forget about it.

So, here it is.  On the record.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Sub Punishment Fantasy

Most of the men who call and say they want to be Dominated really don't.  They have never been with a Dominant in real life and they have no idea how to behave as a submissive.  So I came up with a little fantasy to help with that problem.

"You only exist to please me and, at this moment, you are failing."

"I want you naked, slave, with the items I instructed you to assemble beside you, facing the full length mirror.  Take the towel, fold it in half and place it in front of the mirror.  Take the 8 inch oral training dildo with the suction cup base and anchor it to the mirror at the same level as your cock while you are standing.  Make sure that it is firmly anchored, slave.  If it comes loose while you are demonstrating your oral skills to me, I will be very angry with you and your punishment will be worse."

Now, pour out the birdseed on the towel.  Smooth it out just enough and kneel on the birdseed.  Keep your thighs perpendicular to the floor, no resting on your heels.  I want the full weight of your body pressing your knees into the birdseed.  It's uncomfortable now.  It will quickly become excruciating.  Now, you have my permission to use whichever anal device you have.  I do hope you have chosen something that vibrates.  If you have, I want it on the lowest setting."

"You will keep your eyes open while you demonstrate your cock sucking talents to me.  I want you to start at the base and slowly run the tip of your tongue from the base to the tip and back again.  Imagine that I have presented you with a well hung man to pleasure while I watch.  Kiss around the base and remember to moan for me, slave.  I want to hear you enjoy that cock.  Run your tongue from the base to the tip and back again. Think about pleasing me as you please that cock.  Keep running your tongue from the base to the tip, concentrate on the texture.  Get that cock wet with your tongue.  No matter how much you hurt or how distracting the device in your ass is, concentrate on wetting that cock."

"Now, it is time to focus on the head of the cock.  Swirl your tongue around the head, slowly, mapping the shape with your tongue.  Keep your mouth wet.  Nibble on the ridge, gently with your teeth.  Swirl your tongue over the head again.  Flick your tongue against the very tip of the cock with as much force as you can muster.  Imagine a man standing over you, his hands bound behind his back, moaning with pleasure.  As you please him, you please me.  Trace your tongue over the V, think about how good that feels as you work your tongue over the shape."

Now, start to take that cock into your mouth, slowly, inch by inch.  I want to see you take that cock into your mouth, I want to see your head bob.  Work that cock like that man bought you jewelry.  You have my permission to stroke your cock while you are deep-throating that cock.  You may come while on your knees with the cock in your mouth. If you can.  And you will do so to please me."

The caller should be breathing hard while you are speaking. Trust me, if what I am saying, no matter how bizarre, is turning a caller on, he is stroking his cock.  They don't wait for permission, no matter what they say.   If he starts getting restless, adjust the story to suit.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

One Of My Favorites

Here I am again, thinking about work on my day off.  My plans for the day fell through because of crappy weather and the truth is I'm not bothered by that.  I rescheduled my plans, did some laundry and some cooking.  I tend to avoid tasks that make a great deal of noise on the days I work; not running the washing machine, drier, or dishwasher until after I am off the phone.  Before work, I focus on taking care of my pets or cooking.  In other words, tasks that require both hands.  Things tend to pile up until my 'weekend'.

While I was puttering around the house, I was reminded of a caller I haven't mentioned yet.  He is a Swiss financier who only calls when he is in the United States on business.  He may be a complete liar when it comes to his profession but, not about his country of origin.  English is not his primary language.  He sounds exactly like a Swiss foreign exchange student I knew in college.

The first time I spoke to him, I asked him the usual questions.  When I managed to pronounce his name and the name of his company correctly, he asked me if I spoke German.  I do not and told him so.  He asked me how my pronunciation could be so good.  I told him the truth; both of my grandmothers were first generation Americans and spoke more than English.  Let me explain this here.  One of my great-grandmothers was Russian and raised her daughter to be bi-lingual.  My other grandmother was a polyglot, though, for some reason, she was embarrassed to admit it.  She spoke English, Yiddish, and Hungarian and had a good basic understanding of German, Polish, and Russian.  She once admitted to me, after a few glasses of wine, that she could swear like a sailor in all six languages.  She then threatened to ground me if I told anyone that she spoke a foreign language, at all.  I pointed out that I was too old for that.  Didn't matter, she replied, she would find a way.  I laughed and asked her why she thought it was shameful to speak a foreign language.  My grandmother was not woman known for her self reflection but, she thought for a moment and gave me an honest answer.  She explained that all the adults in her family were immigrants and so completely focused on assimilating into American culture that they did not allow their children to speak anything but English.  She learned the other languages by listening to the adults speaking to each other in their native tongue and then practicing with other people in her neighborhood.  Of course, I did not explain all of this to the caller.  I simply told him that my grandmothers spoke German and Russian.  If I mispronounced a word in either language, I was corrected.  The end result is I am unusually good at pronouncing German and Russian names and a few words.

We started talking about his life and his experiences traveling in the United States.  He is married and has a open relationship.  His wife dates other men, he prefers more anonymous sex.  He is very happy with this because one of the main things he enjoys is cuckolding.  For those who are unfamiliar with the term, cuckolding means a man gets sexual gratification by his partner having intercourse with other people and sharing it with him in some form.  A lot of callers have this fantasy but, for the Swiss financier, it is more than a fantasy.  It is a lifestyle choice.  I don't understanding his fantasy on a personal level but, I do admire his honesty both with his wife and me.

He asked me to give my opinion on why Americans are so nuts on the subject of sex.  I blamed the Puritans and our modern idealization of them for that.  The Puritans were not that pure but, most Americans don't know that.  I also think Americans are, collectively, cultural Anglophiles.  We have a very idealized image of the 'good old days' that has very little to do with actual history and we, again collectively, prefer to not include sex.  He thought this was funny.  The Swiss financier explained that he traveled all over Europe as part of his work and regularly visited a number of sex clubs in various cities.  In the United States, he uses escort services, instead.  American sex clubs are pathetic, in his opinion.  I asked him why he hadn't called an escort instead of talking to me.  He told me that our prostitutes aren't very good either and thinks that it is because they are too fearful to enjoy themselves.  We did, finally, get into his fantasy.  He pointed out, toward the end of our conversation, that he found speaking with me more fun than having sex with a prostitute.  I consider it one hell of a compliment.

The second time we spoke, he teased me into trying to talk dirty in German.  He would say something, ask me to repeat it, and then explain to me what I was saying.  It sure as hell wasn't sexy but, it was funny.  We finally stopped laughing (it took awhile) and got into his fantasy.  Afterwards, I asked him if he had tried booking an escort before calling for phone sex, he said no.  He had been feeling run down and just wanted to lay back and have fun.  He explained that after speaking to me, he had been trying phone sex on a regular basis when traveling in the United States.  (Apparently, I was the first PSO he had spoken to).  I asked him how that was going.  He told me that he could find a PSO he enjoyed talking to about 30% of the time.  He preferred to speak to charming, intelligent, women with cosmopolitan attitudes.  Just talking dirty (unless it's in German) wasn't enough for him.  Again, one hell of a compliment.

The third time I spoke to him was definitely the strangest.  I said "Hello" and heard a male voice say "Gott sei Dank" (Thank God in German).  It was the Swiss financier.  He started to apologize right from the beginning and explained that he had one hell of a favor to ask me.  I braced myself, thinking that he was going to ask me to contact him outside of the phone sex line or get into a really raunchy fantasy (We had discussed my preferences for role-playing in the first call).  No to both.   What he wanted me to do was speak to the escort he had with him so I could explain his fantasy to her.  He considered it unbearably rude to ask me for help in this matter but, the woman could not understand him and they were both getting frustrated.  Well, this is a surprise.  I told him it was fine, it was not the first time I had spoken to a couple as a PSO (more on that some other time) and please pass the phone to her.

All a know about the escort is that she was a very fast-talking New Yorker with a thick regional accent and no patience.  She wanted to do whatever it took to get paid but, she didn't want to talk to the Swiss financier while she was fucking him, other than the usual 'fuck me, baby' bullshit.  She did understand that he wanted her to talk about fucking other men while they were having sex, she just didn't want to bother.  As far as she was concerned, there was no point, the Swiss financier wouldn't understand her, anyway.  Okay, great attitude.  I tell her I have a solution and, after I explain it to her, I ask her to pass the phone to the Swiss financier.  The escort huffs and hands him the phone.  I suggest to him that I stay on the line while he is having sex with the escort.  I will talk to him in character about his fantasy of being cuckolded, she will do the dirty work and not talk at all.  He asks me if I am okay with this.  I repeat that I have done something like this before and it is fine.  They get 'busy' and I start talking.

All the Swiss financier said, repeatedly, was "Thank you" after that.  I don't have an ending to this story, unfortunately.  The call timed out before they were finished and I haven't spoken to this man since.  I'm afraid that he might be too embarrassed to call back.  I have spoken to this man enough to believe that he would consider his 'rudeness' to me embarrassing.  I hope I am wrong.  I may not find his fantasy sexy but, I enjoy having fun and I had a blast each time I spoke to him.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Stereotypes Suck

Believe it or not, I have interests outside of phone sex.  The concept seems to be shocking to both callers and people who discover what I do for a living.  Both groups have no problem reducing me to an unflattering stereotype and, literally dismissing me as somehow being an unclean, stupid, sex addict.


When I started this blog, I reduced my online identity to just my Wicked Julia persona yet, kept up with other activities.  I did this to protect my privacy.  I am well aware how easy it is to track someone down with little more than a name and a city.  There are several callers who enjoy giving out personal information to see what a PSO can discover about them online.  Often, they are shocked at how much personal information can be ferreted out within minutes.  And I am far from an expert in information tracking.

I found this list in the author profile of a writer I enjoy on http://www.fanfiction.net.  I read voraciously, as I have stated before, and use several sites to keep myself entertained between trips to the bookstore.  I also use story sites to do research for the purpose of constructing fantasies.  I chose to contact the author and asked if I could post the list on my blog before putting it here.  I was reasonably sure that she was not the writer of this list but, it's always polite to ask.  Her response stated that she did not write it and it is used frequently in author profiles.  Her reply seemed unusually ...terse for that group so I got suspicious and looked at the stats on my blog.  Sure enough, the day I messaged her, there was a spike in traffic here.  Hmm.  Now, I cannot be sure that a. (I contact her with a request for the use of this list,) leads to b. (she looks at my profile, which leads her here and decides that she wants nothing to do to with me) leads to c. (she sends me a response that would have done my poisoned pen grandmother proud) but, I'm a naturally suspicious person and being a PSO has made it worse.

Stereotypes Suck:

Copy and paste into your profile, then bold the ones that apply to you.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm BLACK so I MUST carry a gun
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm ASIAN and a girl, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm MUSLIM, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm OUTSPOKEN, so I MUST be a bitch.
I SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST be going to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST hate the world.
I'm a REPUBLICAN, so I MUST blame about poor people for their problems.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I use ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenience store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I like to wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I like to dress in BLACK, so I MUST be a pretentious artist.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, gold-digging girlfriend.
I HAD AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm FRENCH, so I MUST be rude.
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST be a slut.
I get STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy, political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I have LARGE BREASTS, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be a criminal.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a big butt.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS-13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually eats in public, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD who does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals
I'm CALIFORNIAN, so I MUST be tan and blonde.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be a self centered jerk.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN man, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be a mutant.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a kilt.
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST I want to castrate every man who pisses me off.
I WEAR A HAT when I go outside, so I MUST be weird.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I HAVE A FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be an OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be white.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I'm a Jashinist, so I must be a homicidal maniac
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist

Despite the fact that this list was obviously written 'round robin', (each person it was passed to added a sentence) I thought it made an important point.  I did, however, edit it a bit to smooth out some of the rough edges.  These are a few of the many stereotypes that human beings use to classify others and, as a PSO, these are a few of the guidelines I have to follow when talking to a caller.  Callers expect a stereotype, they want to be able to sum up the PSO they are talking to within seconds to decide if she is the person who can be their fantasy and they do not like surprises.  Most of the time.

Once, a caller relayed a mildly kinky fantasy request to me and then suddenly asked what I had been doing that day.  I stereotyped him by assuming that he wanted to hear I had been masturbating all day and decided to tell him the truth.  (I sometimes cannot stop myself from throwing callers off balance.  This is why I call myself 'Wicked'.) I had been watching a Ghost Adventures marathon before I started working so I told him so.  He loved it.  He's an amateur ghost hunter himself and we spent the entire time sharing our personal experiences with the paranormal.  He called back immediately after his time ended.  I decided to be more professional and asked him if he wanted to discuss his fantasy this time.  His reply was 'no'.  He could call to talk about sex with any PSO.  Finding one who shared his passion for visiting haunted locations was to rare to pass up, he wanted to talk about ghosts with me and wished we could go 'hunting' together.  We had fun talking about our creepy experiences and I made a note to myself to try not to stereotype callers so quickly.

Please try to extend the same courtesy to me.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Win some, Lose Some

My technical difficulty seems to be resolved and I am very thankful.  The past week has tanked my call time average and I’m going to have to scramble to repair the damage to my budget.   The low point of my evening has been arguing with the Psycho-Canadian.  He’s still hearing voices that aren’t there and trying to convince me he’s a meth smoking retired attorney.  Of course, all of his friends love him.  I’m just a sick bitch that enjoys torturing people and will die in the gutter.  Yeah, we tend to jump from topic to topic.  I really enjoy listening to him sputter and scream in fury when I tell him he’s full of shit.  It beats listening to him call me a stupid cunt and threaten to hire someone to kick my ass.  Oh yes, he knows where I work.  He’s so completely wrong, it’s laughable but, there you go.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


The Acolyte has a new fascination; sounding, otherwise known as 'cock-stuffing'.  This activity involves inserting long steel rods into a man's urethra.  The rods should be made of surgical steel and machined to have a very smooth surface.  The subject started to get a great deal of internet chatter about 3 years ago but, the practice is quite a bit older than that.  I have actually seen an insertion demonstration several years ago at an S&M party.  The amount of care necessary to protect the submissive from injury or infection is intense.  For people who chose to practice sounding in real life, training from a skilled practitioner is an absolute must.

To use in phone sex,  all I need to do is a little research.  Remember, I have only seen it done once and my date was not good at keeping his mouth shut.  He paid for that later, trust me.  I do remember speaking with the submissive and him telling me what an intense experience it was, physical pleasure, humiliation at being displayed in front of so many people, and a healthy dose of fear.  I doubt I will ever be able to use that submissives's story as a fantasy.  The Acolyte is the only caller who has expressed an interest and it is far too hard core for the others.

My technical issues have gotten better but, are not resolved.  To top off the day, the callers are being dickheads.  I can see the finish line and I bloody well can't wait.

Canadian Republicans?

I just got hung up on by a drunken Canadian who tried to tell me that Barack Obama is a horrible president because of his health care reform law.  The weird thing is; he sounded like Rush Limbaugh.  Do I believe that a conservative talk radio show host would a impersonate a Canadian to  try to convert PSOs to the Republican party?  Actually, yes I do.  A number of men who want to argue politics are conservative, middle class white males who are utterly baffled that I cannot agree with their point of view.  They most certainly will not listen to mine.  They become enraged if I try to talk about it.  Some of them will stay on the line, sure they can change my mind.  They will even call back.  Some of them will agree to drop the subject.  Some of them will call me foul names and hang up.  What they cannot do is convince me that the Republican party has my best interest at heart, Because they most certainly do not.

What To Wear

I have mentioned before that men seem to have very specific ideas of what they find sexy as far as women's clothing and it has nothing to do with what the fashion industry is constantly pumping out.  No caller I have ever spoken to has ever mentioned a designer by name, even the ones who call to play dress up.  Many of them speak disparagingly of current styles for women as being too sloppy or too boyish.  The multiple layer thing really confuses them.  To quote one caller, "I don't want to peel off a woman's shirt and discover that she's wearing 2 more underneath.  What the hell is that?"  I nearly died laughing.

Red and black are the only colors men seem to notice enough to mention.  They are certainly the colors they associate with sex.  Pink is sometimes mentioned by young men, callers in their early 20's.  The only callers who mention anything else are calling in on the transsexual line and they are talking about the clothes they are wearing, not what I am wearing.  There is 1 caller, just one, who makes it clear that he wants to imagine that I am wearing some shade of purple.  He also hates any mention of casual clothing, no t-shirts for this caller.  He wants details about lingerie and if I forget and talk about wearing anything else, he demands that I go 'change'.  In fact, I have made allowing him into my closet and choosing something for me to wear part of his fantasy.

Sorry, ladies, the only type of shoes men like are heels.  This absolutely sucks for those of us who are into casual footwear.  I'm not giving up my comfy shoes, I'm just not going to expect a man to like them.  The only type of heels they like enough to mention are stilettos.  In fact, several men I have talked to seem to dislike 'clunky' heels.  It doesn't come up often but, it has come up.  So does the overly decorated footwear concept.  One guy told me that he judges whether or not he wants to talk to a woman by her footwear.  If it is too 'frilly' or 'fussy', he wants nothing to do with her.  It took me a minute to figure out he meant over-decorated.  Ankle straps, clear heels, and Maryjanes, are considered fetish wear, though callers do like them sometimes.  One caller told me that 'normal' women do not wear shoes like that.  Boots seem to fall in this category, too.  In other words, my fondness for wearing comfortable Maryjanes means I'm a freak to a lot of men.

Oh my God, men and their goddamned measurements!  If I had a nickle for every time some
fucking IDIOT asked me to rattle off a string of goddamned numbers he doesn't fucking understand...  If I could get my hands on the crack-brained moron who came up with this concept...And most porn magazines still use this format to describe a woman in those little biographies.  Trust me, those 'biographies' are written by some bored out of their mind staff writer who probably has a file full of them and recycles them as needed.  They are not written by the woman in the picture.  Most women have no idea what their waist and hips measure unless a.) they have an eating disorder and are seriously neurotic about what size they are or b.) they had to be fitted for a formal gown recently.  A woman call tell anyone her bra size.  The trouble is, I have never spoken to a caller who understand what a bra size is.  They have no idea, I mean none, that the letters stand for the size of a woman's breasts and the number is the circumference of her rib cage directly underneath her breasts.  Let me give you an example.  I wear a size 36E.  That means that I have very large breasts and a very narrow rib cage.  Most callers interpret that number as meaning that I have very small breasts.  Most of them get pissed when I try to explain how a bra is sized, too.  God forbid, a man gets corrected by a PSO.  As an experiment, I once spent a day describing myself as a 48-triple-A, which would mean I am a woman with a huge rib cage and breasts so small they would be inverted.  To be clear, there is no such thing as a triple A cup size.  The smallest size cup is an A.  Only one caller caught on to what I was doing, a bodybuilder who had a 48 inch chest and wondered how the 2 of us could wear the same size shirt.  He still thought it meant I had very large tits.  Oh well....

Men also don't seem to notice accessories or make-up, at least on a conscious level.  Callers talk about whether or not a woman is 'put together' but, they don't seem to care how she got to that point.  And I wouldn't spend a great deal of time sweating about the perfect eyeshadow, either.  The only time I have ever had a caller mention a woman's eye color is if I have asked him "What color are her eyes?" Men just don't seem to consider a woman's eye color important at all.  It is not a deciding factor in whether or not she is sexy.  It simply doesn't matter what the color is as long as she is giving him a 'sexy' look.

It should not be a surprise that lingerie is a very important in phone sex.  I can give exhaustive descriptions of panties, bras, negligees, etc and the one thing I can tell you is that men do not like 'casual' when it comes to lingerie.  Sports bras are out, and, unless the caller has a fetish for it, so are plain, cotton underwear.  Most men know what a corset is.  They also know a great deal about what various styles of underwear are called.  They, at least, know what a thong is.  Underwear fetishes are one of the most common fantasies I deal with and they can get strange.  I add my own fetish to the mix with thigh high stockings.  Years ago, I worked in an office with a very strict dress code.  It was summer with ungodly humidity and my pantyhose made me itch like crazy.  A co-worker marched me into Victoria's Secret and introduced me to the concept of silk, thigh high stockings.  They were (and still are) heavenly.  They are tougher than they look and feel wonderful against the skin, they also breathe in a way that synthetic fibers don't.  There were 2 drawback, one  was the price (it is triple what it was) and the second was the maintenance.  Human sweat makes silk rot so I had to strip off my stockings and wash them as soon as I got home.   My co-worker carried a spare pair in case she wanted to go out after work.  They were still totally worth every penny.  Men loved those goddamned things.  I worked in what was known as the 'financial district' of a medium sized city and I got asked out or more dates than any other time in my life.  Unfortunately, at the time, I was far too shy to really take advantage of the situation but, I did work up the courage to ask one of my admirers how he could tell I was wearing stockings and not pantyhose?  He told me that the seams were a dead giveaway (I have never found a pair of pantyhose with good, fake seams) and it didn't matter if there were seams or not, he could just tell.  If I were seriously into 'man-hunting' I would start building up my collection of silk stockings.

Victoria's Secret is another pain in the ass subject.  I shopped there for one particular item (they no longer carry silk stockings) years ago and have not bothered to shop there since.  Victoria seems to think that all women are rail thin amazons who want to look like they have bigger tits without the surgery.  They have nothing I would wear for short women who look like women, let alone one who has naturally bigger tits.  Thanks to some truly brilliant marketing, however, they are the first and only name men think of when it comes to lingerie.  I have been dragged into various Victoria Secret stores across the nation, usually by friends trying to return gifts that don't even come close to fitting or redeem gift cards.  I poke around, checking to see if they carry anything in my size and discover that they don't.  The sexy, lacy, stuff in beautiful jewel bright colors that would make a man's jaw drop is still reserved for those too skinny girls in desperate need of emergency cheeseburger therapy.  Victoria is still convinced that girls my size want to wear sensible cotton in eye searing prints.  Well, fuck you, Victoria.  I'll trot my round ass over the adult fetish store and get something you have never dreamed of.  A piece of advice for men, ask the woman in your life where she buys the lingerie you love so much before you try to get her a gift.  Better yet, go with her.  Trust me when I tell you any embarrassment you might feel will fade away when you realize that she is choosing those things to wear to turn you on.  I often use that fantasy for callers; taking me lingerie shopping (at Victoria's Secret, if the caller chooses the location) and then fucking in the changing room.

Think of it as an act of imaginary desecration.

Saturday, March 3, 2012


I am experiencing technical difficulties right now.  My natural inclination to be superstitious is making me bounce of the walls.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Double Tap Rape Fantasy

I have stated before that I am not my PSO persona, Julia.  She is, however, the most like me of all of the characters I have created.  I consider her a more idealized version of my humble self; stream-lined down to a confident, sexy woman with no emotional baggage.  Trust me, Julia has been a lucky woman and she is unfamiliar with the concepts of regret or shame.  She feels neither.  When I am portraying Julia, I have to reflect this attitude in my voice and manner of speaking.  I don't tell a caller I am a confident, sexy woman, I let him hear it in my voice while I'm describing myself as Julia.  The details often vary from call to call but the essence is the same.  Trust me when I tell you that this is very important.

It might surprise you to know that many callers ask Julia what her day job is.  This is not unusual.  Most callers don't want to think that the PSO they are speaking to is talking to them just for money.  They prefer to think that the woman has a day job and is so sexually charged that she uses phone sex to get her freak on.  For a few, the idea that if they impress the PSO enough with their sexual prowess she will consent to meet them (and presumably fuck them) is part of their fantasy.  There is a caller I'll call the Travel Agent who truly believes that phone sex is a clearinghouse for nymphomaniacs dying to get fucked by anyone.  His call starts out simply enough but, quickly moves to asking the PSO is a flight attendant.  If a PSO says yes, thinking that this is his fantasy girl, he demands that the PSO arrange a free flight for him to where-ever she is so he he can fuck her.  He sounds as if he thinks that this is perfectly reasonable and, of course, the PSO will do it because she needs to get fucked and cannot control herself.  If she says 'no' or states that she would want to get to know him first before making up her mind, he hangs up.  The Travel Agent is so annoying that once, one of the supervisors jumped into my call with him before I figured out who he was, and politely threatened to throw him off the line if he didn't cut it out.  The Travel Agent stammered out an apology and hung up.  It surprised the hell out of me and I asked what was going on.  The supervisor explained that the Travel Agent had been calling for hours, trashing everyone's call time average and he was sick of the little asshole.  It takes about 2 minutes for the Travel Agent to get to the point of all of his questions, get annoyed when the PSO doesn't play along and hang up thus lowering a PSO's call time average into the dead zone.   Unfortunately, the Travel Agent is back with a new version of his game.  Instead of looking for a girl who will fly him to her, he demands that the PSO immediately promise to make plans for the weekend to travel to him.  I should have just played along and asked him for help making those arrangements; nearest airport, car rental, hotel names, etc, but, the habit of not asking a caller too many personal questions is strongly ingrained.  More on that some other time.

Julia is an office manager for a small firm that handles the sale and rental of heavy equipment.  Why that?  First of all, it is work I have done many years ago so I am familiar with what the job would entail.  It is extremely important that the PSO choose a profession that she is familiar with and can describe with some believable detail.  If she strays too far into unfamiliar territory, sure enough, she will run into a caller who does work in that field and will call her out on her bullshit.  College student is a good fall-back position, I have never had a caller ask for details about going to college. Second, it places Julia in a office setting and allows her to habitually dress the part.  The style is called either 'Business Sexy' or 'Professional Sexy' and most callers freaking love it.  Here is an example of how Julia describes herself to a caller:

"Let me start at the ground and work my way up.  I wear heels, stilettos, because I like being taller and they make my legs look so sexy.  I wear thigh-high stockings every day, the sheer kind with the seams running up the back of my legs.  I love wearing stockings because I know men look at those little seams and imagine following that line with their hands or their tongues...I wear well tailored skirts that are maybe a little too tight and a little too short but, I can get away with it because they make my ass look fantastic.  I wear tailored blouses, nothing frilly, just soft and feminine, that might show a bit of cleavage.  I just love it when the men in the office find an excuse to stand over me so they can glance down, I know exactly where they're looking...My hair is long but, I wear it up at the office with tasteful, little, stud earrings.  Its kind of a joke at the office that the boys can always tell when it's quitting time because the first thing I do is take my hair down..."

Last night, I got a caller from Ohio, I dismissed as a Lazy Fucker right from the beginning.  He just would not give me a clue about the direction he wanted to go in.  He kept stating that he had done
"just about everything," and wanted to do whatever I was into.  Well, this is bullshit, ran through my mind while I kept trying to get a straight answer out of him.  Callers like this are lying, simple as that.  They are not into 'everything'.  No one is into 'everything'.  Sex is the one thing where everyone has very specific tastes and no one likes to play in an area they have no interest in.  I know from experience that if I start with what I like, a Domination fantasy, he will most likely misunderstand and assume I want to be a submissive or just hang up.  Instead of continuing to dodge questions, he changed tactics and started asking about my life (meaning Julia's).  The idea that I worked in an office seemed to excite him and he suggested that we start role-playing that he was a man who had walked into the office while I was getting ready to lock up for the evening.

Well... I wanted direction.  I don't bother to tell him that the company I described would not be open to the public, I try to give him clues by asking if he is a client just stopping by or a new employee I haven't met yet.  He ignores both questions.  At this point, I am still expecting something fairly vanilla as far as a sexual fantasy goes until he describes waiting for my back to be turned toward him and coming up behind me.  Ah-hah, now I get it.  The caller really doesn't care about the details, he just wanted to get the ball rolling so he could get into his fantasy without my knowledge or consent.  This utter unbelievable bullshit is a rape fantasy.  In fact, it's a double-tap rape fantasy, not only does he get to role play this fantasy of assaulting a woman alone in her office, he gets a vicarious thrill by trying to surprise me with his fantasy and forcing me to play along without warning me first.  Jackass.

Aside from the fact that his fantasy of walking into an office late at night and sexually assaulting the woman who is working there alone does not fit the details of the fantasy I have created.  It doesn't make sense.  If I were working alone, late at night, and someone I did not personally know failed to identify himself as belonging there, I sure as hell would not turn my back on him.  I wouldn't take my eyes off him and my hand would be on the phone.  I absolutely hate it when a fantasy just doesn't make sense to me.  Also, playing along with some screaming and crying are out.  I already have a headache and I don't feel like making it worse for this scumbag.  Over the phone, the only way he can 'force' me to do anything is to get me to play along.  He's assuming that I want his call bad enough to not derail his fantasy, even if I don't like it.

Have you been watching the clock, asshole?  Because I have...Okay, I freely admit that a more professional PSO would just go along for the ride, just take the long call no matter how she feels about callers who pull this shit.  This asshole is a talker, he probably doesn't want anything from me except for some begging and pleading.  I should just play along, either by being submissive or role-playing fighting back.  Fighting back is likely part of his fantasy and I am just too goddamned stubborn to give him an extra thrill.  He's broken one of my rules, we are out of the dead zone and I want him gone.

He starts describing clamping his hand over my mouth and pinning my arms.  I've already decided that I'm not going to role play fighting back.  I'm also not going to say 'no' and try to take control of the call.  There is a very good chance that he is expecting this reaction, too.  It might give him a thrill to just talk over me, continuing his rape fantasy and 'forcing' me to participate.  The only way this works if is he doesn't allow himself to get thrown by anything I say.  The perfect moment appears when he pauses for breath and I interrupt by saying quietly, "May I ask you one thing?" (a pause) "Why didn't you just tell me this is what you wanted from the beginning?"

His response is a moment of dead silence before he quietly disconnects the call.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Shy My Ass

The hosting company staff refers to Silent Callers as 'shy'.  This is utter bullshit.  In my experience, callers use silence as a way to audition PSOs.  By not speaking, they get a chance to listen to a PSO's voice to decide if they like it.  They also get a chance to find out how much effort a PSO will put into getting their attention.  If the caller doesn't like what he hears, he hangs up.  If they like what they hear, they start talking.  Mr Gross-and-Boring uses this technique, so does the Psycho-Canadian.  In fact, 'shy' callers tend to be the worst.  They have the most exacting fantasies or they like to piss me off. Or both.

The exception is the Sleeper.  These callers are rare but, what they like to do is pretend to sleep and have a PSO listen to them fake sleeping.  I am not kidding.  There are men out there who pay to have a complete stranger listen to them fake being asleep.  The first time I experienced this was shortly after I started.  There had been a Silent Caller tearing up the lines, hanging up on me over and over again.  I was ready to tear out my hair.  In case you are wondering, I was able to identify this caller by the back round noise.  So I used my general philosophy of 'when in doubt, confront the annoying behavior head on,' and just said"Well, if you're not going to talk to me, I'll just listen to you do nothing."  I assumed that he would jerk off and hang up.  Instead, he started faking a really loud snore.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  It was well done but, still very obviously what he thought a sleeper should sound like (think Saturday morning cartoons) instead of what a person sleeping actually sounds like that I nearly started laughing.  I kept my mouth shut and listened to him fake snoring at me for over half an hour before he timed out.  And he called back.  The funniest thing about this utterly bizarre caller is that is was very apparent that he was listening to every move I made.  If he heard the slightest amount of back round noise from my end, he would start to 'wake up'.  As soon as I stopped doing whatever it was that was making the noise, he would settle down and start to 'snore' again.  I finally laid back and just listened.

Hell, I nearly fell asleep myself.