Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Sunday, January 29, 2012


Just after Xmas, we had a temporary power outage and the power supply on the computer fried.  I could have used my roommate's laptop but, I didn't.  I find it uncomfortable to type on and it felt inappropriate to bitch about callers on the computer she carries around with her at school.  Completely stupid but, there it is.  So, after a month of not blogging about the insanity of being a phone sex operator, I'm back.  Thank all that is unholy.

I've got a lot to bitch about.  There are some good things. I talked to a submissive transvestite in AZ who was so much fun, I told one of the trainers about the call when I talked to her.  (I was just talking to her on the phone and finally confessed the existence of this blog)  I love talking to a good submissive.  I have FUN talking to them and get really energized and creative.  (A bad submissive make me want to pull out my hair and toss the lazy, little, fuckwit out of my imaginary dungeon).  The submissive transvestite kept getting texts from his ex-wife about their daughter's plans for the weekend while we were talking.  He would beg me to wait, explain what was going on, text his ex-wife and return the conversation with an apology.  He was sweet, charming, interesting, and into the same things I'm into.  The type of caller every phone sex operator loves to talk to.

Here is how I tell the difference, in case you're curious: a good caller is polite and introduces himself before launching into his fantasy.  He also explains his fantasy enough so that I can use those details to craft an erotic story for him that turns him on.  It doesn't even have to be something that I am into, something the bad callers don't seem to realize or don't believe.  I can think of 2 different calls where the caller gave me the details of his fantasy and those details certainly did not excite me but, I was able to craft a story that excited them.

One of the calls involved the caller being observed masturbating while his mother watched without his knowledge.  He wanted the fantasy told from her point of view.  Typically, I absolutely loathe incest calls but, this one was too low key to gross me out.  He liked what I said so much, he called back twice that day to finish the fantasy.  Truthfully, I enjoyed talking to him despite having zero interest in 'good old family loving'.  He was well mannered, appreciative, and let me stretch my legs, creatively.

The second one involved an inflation fantasy, something I had never heard of before.  I looked it up after I was done with my shift. The caller explained it well enough for me to craft a fantasy for him but, I was still curious.  We started talking and I started picturing a spa setting from the height of the quack medicine era in the United States crossed with a horror theme and a whole lot of steampunk.  Think The Road To Wellness crossed with Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.  The caller got turned on while I was asking him to confirm he liked the direction I was going in and I ran with it.  We maxed out on time and it was past my shift end time so I was done for the evening.  Again, the caller was well mannered, appreciative, and let me stretch my legs, creatively. Pretty good way to end the day.

A bad caller is a man going on a fishing expedition.  He calls girl after girl after girl desperately trying to find the one who looks the way he wants her to look or, when asked one of several really dumb questions, she responds in the way that turns him on.  Stupid.  Beyond stupid, and I have several examples to prove my point.  The first thing is I lie to callers ALL THE TIME.  The entirety of the 'relationship' I have with a caller is based on lies from beginning to end.  That is simply the nature of the business.  I am not being paid to masturbate on command (even though a lot of these idiots really think so).  I am being paid to tell them a story, an erotic story crafted, on the spot, just for them to suit what turns them on.  What really pisses me off about this kind of caller is that they completely discount the value of what I do.  Think about it.  I am making up a fantasy with bare bones details for a person I know nothing about and telling it to him, trying to turn him on and acting like it turns me on, too.  I have to do this,  no matter what the fantasy is, for several hours a night.  That is what phone sex is and it is really goddamned hard work.  Most professional writers could not do this.  Nor could many professional actors.  Improv is hard work.  Phone sex operators do both on a daily basis with every call.  We are some truly, goddamned, talented women.

These idiots completely ignore that fact.  They are unaware of it.  If they knew that the barely legal nymphomaniac they were talking to was actually a 30-something woman with bills to pay, they would feel cheated and probably demand their money back.  One of the verbal cues a caller gives me so I know he's one of Those Assholes is following up a question about what I look like or what I'm into with "Now, don't lie to me, sweetie.  I'll know if you lie."

No, you won't, dumb-ass. I imagine talking to a parent when I was a teenager or getting a lecture from a high school guidance counselor.  Those idiots didn't know when I was lying, either.  I have while working adopted one persona with these idiots, gotten hung up on, talked to them again and changed the details enough to be tailored to their particular kink to keep them on the line.  They didn't know the difference or didn't care.  Sometimes, I do the exact opposite.  I know the caller's kink and say the opposite just to get rid of him.  Either I am not in the mood to deal with him (rare) or he's likely to abruptly hang up on me if I stray in a direction he doesn't like.  Deadly to my average call time and to be avoided like a land mine.

There is a guy I drive away so consistently I am probably hurting his feelings.  I think of him as one of those officious little pricks I regularly lied to when I was a teenager.  His kink is pretending that he is having a conversation with a girl, instead of a fantasy but, if I talk about something that isn't completely in line with his fantasy, he hangs up without warning. (All of these assholes hang up without warning.  It's one of the many reasons I hate them.)  Anyway, Officious Little Prick is into hearing about men getting fucked by women with strap-ons at sex toy parties.  According to his fantasy, his wife sells sex toys the way some women sell Tupperware and she demonstrates how to use a strap-on by fucking her husband with one in front of an audience.  Nice try, asshole but, I saw the same episode of Real Sex on HBO.  There is a woman doing this in California but, she and her husband don't do the demonstration performance.  She hires professional adult performers and the audience isn't women only, its couples at a swingers club.  He wants to talk about men getting 'dildo-ed', a phrase only he uses and one I hate.  He will listen for 2 or 3 minutes and hang up if he loses interest.  Officious Little Prick.

Actually, his thing seems to be pretending to have a conversation with an 18 year old girl about a number of sexual topics. Again, if he doesn't like her response, he just hangs up. I managed to confront him about it once and he told me that it is just not as 'fun' talking to an older woman. I managed to catch him when he had been tearing up the line where the persona guidelines say are that we are 20-somethings. He was trying to find new teenage girls, having ripped through all the operators pretending to be 18, already.  The thing is ITS THE SAME WOMEN.  The company doesn't staff teenage girls on one line and older women on the others.   Its's pretty much all one pool of operators. This idiot can't tell the difference. Most of the callers can't.

Anyway, Officious Little Prick's conversation gambit that Saturday was to ask some variation of "Don't you feel personally responsible for all of the sexually based crimes in the United States because you are encouraging perverts by talking to them?".  I am paraphrasing.  I honestly don't remember exactly what he was asking that day but, the way he was cycling through operators made me pretty sure that his question wasn't getting a lot of play with other operators, either.  I can't even begin to imagine where he though he was going with that one.  I got him several times and my answers started with a scoffing "No" and degenerated to "go fuck yourself".  The reason I got so mad at him wasn't for asking the question. I would have been willing to talk to him about my take on the ethics of phone sex but, when I tried, he hung up on me.  He didn't want to know what I thought, he wanted to find the girl who confessed that she felt bad about being a phone sex operator.  It appeared that none of us were willing to play along.  He changes his 'topic' and kept calling all weekend long.

In fact, I spoke to him briefly last night.  I say 'briefly' because he is a complete downer and I don't want to talk to him so I try to get rid of him as fast as I can. To get rid of him quickly, I use the name 'Julie' and call him by the name he uses.  It works because, he remembers that I am not an operator good at playing his game and he doesn't want to talk to me either until he starts to get desperate.  He starts cycling through faster when he can't find operators willing or able to feed his fantasy.  I consider my inability to deal with him a personal failure but, fuck him if he thinks I'm going to let him drag down my average.

It's ALL about the money, honey.  I'm not doing this so I can get off.

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