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Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike


Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Saturday, June 16, 2012

What Fun It's Carnival Again

Roughly two weeks ago, I had an unpleasant experience in the Twitterverse and blogged about it here.  If you are interested, please read the post titled Not All Masks Are For Carnival.  Now, the person who angered me has felt the need to respond with a post on their blog and comments on mine.  Mark also felt that it was appropriate to include a link to their site in his comments without asking me first.  I removed it not because I felt Mark does not have the right to respond but, because I feel that inserting a link without my permission was, in a word, rude.  The author seems to be very hung up on the subject of who is right.  Really,  how very White Male System.  Just what I wanted on my blog about my experiences.

If you are unfamiliar with the phrase, I urge you to read the book Women's Reality by Anne Wilson Schaef.  The author explains the mentality of White Male System thinking far more eloquently than I could.  The book is an excellent starting point for anyone interested in feminism and I have, over the course of my life, passed out more copies than I care to remember.  Surprised that a woman who does what I do for a living is a feminist?  It is a problem I wrestle with each and every time I work and part of what I am working out in my blog.  It is also the reason I am so brutal with some of the callers.  If their fantasies involve more ugly stereotypes than I can stomach at that moment, I tend to let them know it.  With both barrels.

What is boils down to is that I really don't care if Mark feels that he is right.  I feel that I am right.  In my world view, both of us have valid perceptions of the experience we shared.  I suspect that in Mark's world view, that is not possible so he has set out to prove that he is right.  Okay, go for it.  Refrain from putting links on my blog.  I did not do so to yours.  In fact, I did not make any  comments on your blog.  Nor do I plan to.  The elderly gentlemen who inquired whether I not I charged Mark for the conversation in his comment made it clear to me that I have no desire to.  I deal with enough of that attitude when I am working, thank you.  Another man passing judgement about something he knows nothing about and thinking that he is cute.  Ah, no.  There are many words for that bit of bullshit, 'cute' is not what comes to mind.  I think that the author of that comment exactly the same as the callers I speak to and I've already shared my feelings about them.

I also found another comment by Bee C rather telling about the attitudes of the people involved.  Both Mark and this person feel that a transcript of the conversation was necessary.  I admit, the first version of Not All Masks Are For Carnival contained just that.  However, after consulting with friends and sleeping on it, I decided that to do so was childish and unnecessary.  I felt then as I feel now; my perception of the experience is valid because it is mine.  As I stated in my reply to Bee C, writing an unasked for critique and posting it in a public forum does require you to read the fucking material.  In the case of a blog, at least solid sampling of the material since most people will not have the time to read the entire thing.  I am also not asking the Internet community at large to pass judgement on that experience which is why I chose not to include a transcript or list Masquerade Crew by name.  I was blogging about my experiences, not inviting debate concerning the validity of my perceptions.  The fact that Bee C chose to interpret my posting that way is ...interesting, to say the least.

I chose to write about my experiences as a PSO to help me process them and to share with others some of the amazingly stupid stereotypes I have smacked myself into because of it.  I am not just talking about the callers.  Conscientious people ask questions before passing judgement on what I do and what I write about.

And then there is the rest of the world.

16 comments:

  1. read: and then there's this lot.

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  2. I always seem to miss the fun. Let's get caught up, shall we?

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  3. Yes, the ones who are only reading the one post commented on and not looking at anything else. And of course, feeling that they have it all figured out.

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  4. Ah well, I will embrace my infamy and be proud, fuck it all!

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  5. Honestly though, sometimes infamy is better than fame isn't it?

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  6. I think I am going to have to make a decision about that soon.

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  7. HI Julia.

    Just wanted to say that yes I think people should read both sides. I would have been happy to tweet your link. I tweeted back asking for the link so I could post it before I went to bed. I got your tweet around 11:30 last night. But I guess you had already unfollowed and blocked me by then do you didn't get my request for your link.

    I think what you do for a living and what you have to say about it is fascinating. It's unfortunate that you didn't wait until I had responded. I could have tweeted it under all 4 of my Twitter IDs. I'll continue to follow you under one of those IDs. And I'll be back to read your blog.

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  8. In the interest of presenting all the information... this is the interaction I had with Keira on Twitter:

    Amanda Perry ‏@Twitch1027
    @KeiraKohl @MasqCrew If you are going to post one point of view you should also post the other...

    Keira Kohl ‏@KeiraKohl
    @Twitch1027 I asked her for the link so I could post it. I was in bed with an iPhone about to go to sleep.

    Amanda Perry ‏@Twitch1027
    @KeiraKohl to be responsible about it you should have had both from the start. Her blog is pretty easy to find, try a Google search.

    Amanda Perry ‏@Twitch1027
    @KeiraKohl or, you asking her Before you perpetuate an issue that one party a has stated she is more that happy to let drop.

    Amanda Perry ‏@Twitch1027
    @KeiraKohl or is that why you didn't bother?

    Amanda Perry ‏@Twitch1027
    @KeiraKohl to yup. Google search. 4th result down.

    there it is, complete with typos... sorry about that, I sent those from my phone...

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  9. Also, I tried to make this point before, but apparently was unclear.

    I think there is a possibility that Mark didn't intend to be inflammatory in the beginning. But I also think that he was at least attempting to take advantage of Wicked Julia.

    The whole altercation started with him stating that if a person reads his blog, he'll read theirs. Everything that came after that was him making excuses as to why he wasn't going to keep up his end of his own deal. From the language of his posts it is clear that he Never intended to read her blog because of what he Thinks it’s about. So he wanted her to promote him, without her expecting him to return the favor.

    His duplicity only became clear because of this exchange. The only reason he posted anything at all regarding this blog was because he appears to have felt that he was forced to. As a result it was grudging at best. All of that I could chalk up to general self-serving arrogance, it’s what came next that makes him a dick.

    So, rather reasonably, Wicked Julia doesn't respond favorable to her writing being dismissed as the internet version of a fuck book (which might be because it’s bloody well not) and comments to that effect. Mark then proceeds to attempt to dictate how she feels about the preceding interactions. He feels that he has the right to dictate how another person Feels about their interaction with him. What’s more, he appears to have recruited some followers of his to help him browbeat her into submission. It does not matter what anyone else thinks at this point, it does not matter what his intent was. The fact is that she clearly feels that her point of view has been devalued, and her writing has been dismissed unfairly. Telling her that she is wrong to feel this way is only proving the point. Anyone who has done so has devalued her perception. Anyone who has commented on the situation without reading the blog has dismissed her work unfairly. You lazy, arrogant, patriarchy invested morons.

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    Replies
    1. I'm sorry but is the name calling necessary?

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    2. the name only applies to you if you have committed the sins listed...

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  10. I am sorry for any offence I have given Julia, and I can't be the only one who is growing tired of the whole topic (not to say that you shouldn't post about it, but rather that I'm sure we all don't need yet another reply from me.)

    I wish you all the best with your blog and am only sorry that a misunderstanding occurred in the first place. I hope that you continue to read some of the reviews that are posted by me on behalf of the masquerade crew and invite you leave feedback and comments on those should you wish.

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  11. And to clarify by misunderstanding I don't mean to imply that your perception of events is incorrect but rather that two people had very different views of an events.

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. In fact, I've already said that in this post, in my first reply to Mark, and in the fact that I consciously chose to not name anyone in the original post, I simply expressed my feelings on the exchange.

    A fact you and Mark (and a great many others) chose to ignore.

    (Once again, too many typos in the original)

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