Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Thursday, December 22, 2011

A Very Difficult Subject

The line I work on is an "Anthing Goes" line.  That means that NO subject is taboo as long as it is for the purpose of fantasy. That includes incest, pedophilia, bestiality ( zoophilia ) or necrophilia.  Despite what many people think, it is not illegal to discuss any of these topics in the context of fantasy.  Fantasy is a healthy expression of sexuality, children.  Everyone has fantasies and some of those fantasies can get downright bizarre.

On the other hand, no one wants to enact every fantasy they have.  Most are physically impossible, they involve doing things a person doesn't really want to do or the act would have a devastating affect on their life. Think infidelity, among other things. People have the right to fantasize about anything thing they want and they have the right to talk about those fantasies.  That's part of what freedom of speech means and I believe in it.

As a phone sex operator, I make money by talking about a caller's sexual fantasies.  Here's my guilty little secret; sometimes I really enjoy it.  Here's the REALLY guilty little secret, it's not the sex that I enjoy, it's the storytelling.  That's how I manage to talk about subjects I don't really care for; research and a really good imagination. Sometimes, it works and I can give the caller the impression that I'm just as turned on by the same things he is and sometimes, it just doesn't work.

Let me give you an example of when it just doesn't work.  Last Tuesday started out really good.  I got a couple of calls with guys who wanted to just talk to a girl who is into talking about fucking.  The rest were vanilla sex fantasies and a long string of silent callers until my shift was almost over.  Then, it turned into pervert hour.  Every goddamned call turned into an incest or pedophilia fantasy.  It felt like I was fighting a battle to bite my tongue with every bloody call.  Every time a caller suddenly announced he wanted me to be his mother or his sister or wanted  to watch me fuck my son, I felt like screaming 'what kind of freak are you?'

I don't understand incest. I don't understand pedophilia, either even though I think that pedophilia is actually encouraged in our society by the sexualization of children, especially girls.  The sheer number of callers who want to fantasize about having sex with an underage girl is astonishing. It is also horrifying because those callers are the ones who want to fantasize about having sex with a girl without limits or wants or desires of her own. They want the ultimate submissive: beautiful, doll-like, passive and eager to please. 

The incest calls are different. They cover the spectrum from dominant to submissive, sometimes nurturing, sometimes contemptuous.  One caller started out fairly vanilla and slightly sumbmissive but, quickly degenerated into making baby noises and calling me 'ma-ma' in a very child-like voice. Lucklily, he ran out of time before I could respond.  That call left me shaken and disgusted.  Another started out as a standard MILF call until he wanted to bring my (non-existent) teenage son into a threesome fantasy.  He kept bringing the son up and I kept ignoring him until he asked me what I would do if my son wanted me to suck his cock. I told him I would tell my son 'to get the fuck out of the room' and the caller laughed.  He seemed to amused to discover a phone sex operator who HAS limits.  

The last one was a man I have spoken to before.  He sounds like a caricature; rural, under-educated and organically stupid.  His fantasy is watching his overweight, stupid, passive, and recently divorced sister get gang-banged (or gang raped, her desires are irrelevant) by a group of grossly over-endowed Black men.  He tells me about his sister as if we are having a conversation about what a pathetic mooch she is even though he tells me that his house is actually his mother's and his mother supports him.  He does not work, nor does he take care of his mother. The hypocrisy of his attitude toward his sister flies over his head.  As he sets up this scenario, he expects me to take over and enthusiastically describe what is happening to his sister.  Once again, I just can't do it.  The last time I talked to this caller, I just kept asking him questions until he ran out of time.  This time I turn the tables on him, I ask what he would do if he were surrounded by horny, Black men with huge cocks. He says he wants to know about his sister.  I point out that HE is the one with the fascination with Black men and their huge cocks so he MUST want to be the one getting fucked by them.  He hangs up and I breathe a sigh of relief.

Pervert hour is over and I am done for the day.

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