Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Friday, April 20, 2012

Delightfully Raunchy

I have a few rules I expect callers to follow when I start talking to them.  First of all, I going to say my name and ask them for theirs.  I don't know (and don't care) if a caller gives me his real name.  I just want something to call him other than 'baby'.  I'm going to ask him for a location.  Again, I don't really give a damn what the answer is.  I do this because I need to hear a caller speak so I can get a lock on his voice to better understand him while he is speaking.  Though, I have noticed a few patterns.  Callers from New York tend to go in extremes.  They are either very good to talk to, (there is a sub in New York City who is always fun) or very bad.  Most of my extreme fetish calls are coming out of New York.  The Incest is Best Recruiter is from New York.  That guy has so many fetishes I don't think he knows what Vanilla sex is.

I will also ask for a brief description.  I do this because almost every caller bases his decision on whether or not he is going to speak to a PSO based on the description she gives.  As if it matters what I look like.  I could be a 300 pound purple alien with multiple eye stalks and a bad fungal infection of the skin for all a caller knows about me.  Plus, a lot of men don't know what the numbers they so desperately crave really mean.  They have no idea how a woman's bra size translates into the size of her tits.  Or what a weight to height ratio really is.  I once described myself as 5'8'' and 108 pounds to a caller just to test him and he told me I needed to lose weight.  Actually, his kink was trying to make a PSO feel bad about her appearance.  I talked to him several times over the course of a few days and, no matter what, he criticized my appearance.  Tall, short, fat, thin, big boobs or small, didn't matter.  He wanted to hear a PSO disparage her appearance and talk about the lengths she would go to change it, if she could.  He also enjoyed adding to the abuse with a little verbal humiliation, telling me that boys thought I was ugly and I should be thankful to any boy who ever lowered his standards to fuck me.  It was very hard not to laugh at this asshole.

I also strongly discourage callers from trying to start a call while already in what they think is their 'sexy persona'.  Oh god, please stop doing that.  Midwestern men especially sound horrible when they are trying to be sexy.  It's worse than fingernails on a chalk board.  They, almost universally, pitch their voices a little higher than normal and tack this whiny little 'hmm?' at the end of every statement.  For example; "You must be a really naughty, kinky, girl, hmm?"  It is one of the most disgusting sounds I have ever heard and so many of them do it.  Mr Gross and Boring does it, it's one of the many reasons I cannot stand talking to him.  There is a guy who has an incredibly nasal sounding voice who is the worst.  I put my hand over the mic when I hear him because he'll ask me if I am in the mood to be a naughty girl for him as soon as I say hello.  I hear that nasal whine of his and I lose it.  At lot of them beg, and I really do mean beg, for sex.  There is a guy who calls me 'honey-baby' (all one word) and begs me to come, incessantly, from the beginning of the call to the end, whining the entire time.  Luckily, he doesn't call often.

Yet, there are callers who consistently break those rules and I let them get away with it.  The Acolyte rarely talks about himself.  It took me several calls for me to find out anything about him.  He always starts out in persona and wants to jump into his fantasy right away.  At first, I hated his guts because of that and the fact that he really does expect me to keep track of his particular kink and remember the details from call to call.  The only way I could get a long call out of him was to match him with my own Domme persona right from the beginning and carefully log the details of each call.  It's worth the effort, talking to the Acolyte keeps my call time average very high and I have gotten used to him.  He was also the only caller who realized I had a nasty cold last week and broke persona long enough to wish that he could bring me chicken soup and admonish me to take care of myself.  He also waited patiently for my coughing spells to stop so I could continue with his fantasy.  I covered the phone so callers couldn't hear me but, my timing wasn't always perfect on that maneuver.  Most callers will immediately hang up if a PSO coughs or sneezes.

Most black callers are the same way, though only one of them have a fetish as disturbing as the Acolyte's.  They start out in persona and want to jump right into their fantasies like they are springing off a dive board.  They want to hear about how big my ass is and usually talk about how unattractive they find skinny women, especially skinny white women.  Most of them are delightfully raunchy.  If I show the slightest amount of genuine enthusiasm about sex, they are overjoyed.  They are also respectful (I am excluding Who Dis from this description.  He is the exception that makes the rule) or can be made to be respectful very quickly.  Black men tend to like my sass and my inability to act submissive.  If they start out pushy and I threaten to bite them, they tend to laugh in surprise and then ask me what I want to do to them.  Black men tend to like me to take the lead.  The ones who don't, just want a willing participant in their fantasy.  The only caller I will call 'Daddy' is black and deserves a gold medal in the phone sex fantasy Olympics.  He starts out a call by asking if his 'baby girl' missed him and then goes on to describes what we are doing, in vivid detail, for the next half hour.  I can say one thing, he has one hell of an imagination. I barely get a word in.  I just take notes while I am listening to him and let him run.  The one with the really bad fetish either reads too many fuck books or has the most fucked up family life imaginable.  Since he seems to have never run into a woman who isn't completely dick-dazzled within minutes of meeting him, I am guessing that he just reads a lot of badly written porn.

I always wonder about the callers who tell me fantastical stories of their sexual escapades in deadpan voices as if they are giving a speech in English class.  Are they trying to shock me?  If so, the only thing that I find shocking is the fact that they think I will find their lurid recitations thrilling. The Architect with his tale of sexual exploitation by his 12 year old goddaughter, the Pathetic Call Center Boy with his flashing and his sexual adventures committed with female family members, or even Twincest and his tale of being sodomized by his brother as a child and his own son as an adult.  There are others like the Disgusting Little Booger who can barely string together a coherent sentence but, assures me that he is so desirable that teenage girls pay him for sex.

Other than Twincest, all of these callers have one thing in common;  they are convince that all women care about is the size of a man's cock and, of course, they are packing a big one.  They tell me their tales and expect...what exactly?  That I will be as dick-dazzled as the women in their stories?  That hearing about their prowess will make me come in an instant, shrieking in pleasure?  They are in for a very long wait, if that is what they are calling for.  Unlike the Delightfully Raunchy callers I find entertaining as hell, these men with their ridiculous stories just leave me cold.

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