Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Friday, February 3, 2012


When I started working as a phone sex operator, it was strongly suggested that I keep a log book.  I didn't do it for the first few weeks.  The reason for that was rather stupid. I'm nearsighted and wear glasses except when I'm reading.  I would read between calls and take my glasses off.  When I got a call, I wasn't able to see the clock to note the time so I didn't bother to write anything down.  I also wasn't really sure what exactly I was supposed to be writing down.  A few weeks of taking calls and I started to notice certain patterns but I wasn't sure, so I started logging.

The first thing that became apparent was that I had more regulars than just Mr. Gross and Boring.  That was a relief.  I actually had about seven regulars and several semi-regulars, callers who recognized my voice or my name and reacted with pleasure at finding me.  I started noting their preferences so that when I spoke to them, so I could recall the previous conversation and reference it.  It makes them feel special, makes them like me more so they would seek me out more.  Positive feedback in action.

The second thing I noticed is that I consistently did better when I worked on certain shifts with certain people.  Many of my regulars call several times a week and a shift without speaking to any of them was suspicious.  That only happened when a certain supervisor at the hosting center was running the shift I was working.  Let's call this person The Downer.  I could go on and on about the Downer but, I won't right now.  All I'm going to say is that the Downer's management style leaves a lot to be desired.

A typical log entry looks like this:

7:01pm Domination John from New York (Julia) bondage, strap-on, being pimped out to      
                                 others, black leather corset and boots.
7:20pm  *19min*

Just a lot messier.  My handwriting is a crime.

Now, I'll translate.  The start time of the call and end time should be self evident.  The tag, Domination, tells me, roughly, what kind of fantasy  the caller is looking for though I have learned that not all callers are honest about what kind of fantasy they are looking for.  This is really common on the Barely Legal line.  Many callers are aware of the fact that the women they are speaking to are not teenagers.  Those callers seem to enjoy getting an operator to 'break character' to speak with them.  I caller once told me that he was glad to talk to the 'real' me.  I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at him.  The caller's name and location are not horribly important except to remind me what his name is while I'm talking to him.  (yes, I have completely blanked on a caller's name while speaking to him.  The caller I did that to thought it was funny) and the location is to help  identify him later if he calls me back.  The notes about what we talked about also help me identify him later and pick up the conversation again if he calls back during the same shift.  That was vitally necessary with this caller.  He called back 3 times during the same shift.  My name in parenthesis is to remind me what name I am using with a caller.  I have several 'characters' complete with separate histories.  I usually circle the call length time so I can calculate my average while I'm working.  It lets me keep track of how I am doing during my shift.  

I also track problem callers like the Psycho-Canadian (more on him some other time), hang ups, the back round noise I hear with Silent Callers so I know how many times I've been connected to them, and Short Timers.  Short Timers are a pain in the ass.  They are usually men who have been watching porn and jerking off for hours before they call.  These callers want to rush into the sound effects or 'catch phrase' stage of the call so they can come and get off the phone as quickly as possible.  In other words, they are cheap bastards.  They remind me of a friend of mine while I was in college and her strategy for going to the bar.  She would insist that people meet her at her house to have 2 or 3 drinks before going out.  Bring your own booze and be willing to share it with her.  After all, she was playing hostess.  Then, we would go to the bar. In other words, my friend was cheap and had come up with a way to get drunk for as little money as possible.  The fact that she was doing so at her friends' expense completely escaped her. She thought that the pleasure of her company made up for it.  The callers who try to pull the short time trick seem to think the same thing.

There was one I call Grandpa Short Time when I'm telling the story to friends.  One day, I kept getting connected to a man in Ohio who told me he was in his 60's and just become a new grandfather.  We spoke for 5 minutes and then he was gone.  I assumed that he had hung up.  I was connected to him again and the same thing happened. OK, now I'm getting suspicious.  It happens again.  Now, I'm getting pissed. Talking to him is demolishing my call time average and I either want him to stay on the line or get the hell away from me.  I am connected to him, again.  I confront him about hanging up on me, repeatedly.  he tells me that he's not hanging up on anyone, he's being cut off over and over again.  Now, he's pissed because operators are refusing to deal with him.   I get a flash of inspiration and ask him how much time he's purchasing in one block.  He tells me 5 minutes.  This stupid motherfucker is purchasing time in 5 minute blocks and has no idea why operators are getting pissed at him. Grandpa doesn't know that the operators need at least twice that to maintain our call time average.

Grandpa Short Time is one really stupid motherfucker.  I go off on him.  There are no other words for it.  I am furious (he is costing all of us money) and tell him that I am .  Did he really think that he could call a phone sex line and get off in less than 5 minutes, I ask him.  He did.  In fact, he thought he would have enough time to get off twice because he could stroke he cock and make himself come in less than 2 minutes.  He thought he could save the rest of the time for a later call.  I asked him why the hell he bothered to call, it sounded like he didn't need any operator to help him.  He told me that he wanted to listen to a woman come while he was stroking himself and he didn't understand why it was taking so long to get to that point.  He didn't understand why we ( the operators) spent so much time just talking.   You have got to be kidding me.  I told him that if all he wanted was sound effects, he should just watch a porno and save some money.  That wasn't real, he complained.  He got cut off, again.  Believe it or not, I got connected to him again.  I asked him how much time he had purchased. 15 minutes was his answer.  I tailor a Vanilla Sex fantasy for 15 minutes and he hangs up, happy.  Now, he's a regular and knows better than to buy time with us in 5 minute blocks.

Good.  Now I don't have to hunt him down and beat him with my phone.

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