Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Sunday, February 26, 2012


Men use insults to control women.  This is true in real life and in phone sex.  A man calls a woman bitch, slut, whore, cunt or whatever the fuck he can think off to stop her dead in tracks and make her change her behavior toward him.  That's how women, in real life, respond to insults.  Women, for the most part, are terrified of being labeled as something other than nice and all 'bitch' (or any of those other words) really means is that the man a woman is talking to is getting angry at her for expressing her own opinion.  I don't care if people, men or women, figure out that I am not a 'nice' person.  Courtesy will let a person get away with murder, 'niceness' will mean spending a whole lot of time listening to idiots and pretending to agree with every word.  Life is too short for 'nice'.

In real life, a woman hears the word 'bitch' flung at her and she back peddles.  She apologizes. She tries to explain her point of view.  She desperately tries to find common ground with the man insulting her so he will take back what he said or, at least, not repeat to others.  She is terrified of the label because she knows what it can cost her.  Bitches don't get included, they don't get invited, they don't belong. Remember, despite all the advances, girl, you are supposed to treat ever word that falls out of a man's mouth as if it is gold-plated, no matter what crap he spews.  You are supposed to care about his opinions, no matter how stupid.  You are supposed to be 'nice'.

Phone sex is completely different.  I don't set out to piss off every caller I talk to and some of them I handle very carefully.  They can't handle my sense of humor, for whatever reason, or I am too used to their quirks to fuck with them.  There is one caller I just can't talk about yet.  I'll call him the Acolyte.  His fantasy is just too goddamned disgusting, I can't even think about it without gagging.  However, I have figured out how to handle the Acolyte. Despite the fact that he breaks the few rules that I have (not introducing himself, starting out in his fantasy persona, having a vomit inducing fantasy) I let him slide and work hard to construct a fantasy he enjoys.  Why?  The Acolyte will stay on the line until the system times him out and keep calling back for more.  He is also very polite.  He loves the fact that I recognize his voice right off the bat and I remember what we have talked about.   I give him what he needs, his fantasy with a few extra frills and he gives me what I need, a really long goddamned call or three.

Tonight, I had 2 very memorable insult-flinging jerks.  The second one is hard not to laugh at.  He calls me every name he can think of and, trust me, this boy has a really short list.  The tone of his voice while he's calling me 'bitch' (or whatever) really cracks me up.  He sounds like a very satisfied little boy who has just planted his flag on the top of the hill and is absolutely sure that no one can take him down.  He proceeds to tell me, in very good broken English, (I'm guessing from the accent that French is his native language) that is is going to rape me and kill me and make me enjoy it.  No details, he just keeps repeating the same string of insults and the same threats in the same happy, satisfied tone.  The poor little fucker gets off on this, figuring that the PSO he is talking to can't do anything about it except listen.  I guess a PSO could agree with him but, since he's not paying attention to anything I say I'm not really sure.  He can't handle any retort, so when I started finding the whole sordid little fantasy too funny and couldn't stop myself from playing along, he lost it.  For me, playing along means laughing at him and telling him that, if he tried to hurt me, I would fuck him up six ways to Sunday.  He called me names, trying to get me to freeze, (sorry, limp dick, phone sex is not like real life) I called him one in return, he started telling me to shut up and I laughed at him and told him 'no' and went right back to insulting him.  The pathetic little perv was practically blubbering when he timed out.

I've been physically attacked by a stranger in a parking garage so I know I fight back.  I sunk a nine-inch hardened steel pin into the shoulder of the man trying to mug me.  If some little weasel of a caller thinks that I would just lie back and let a man rape me, he's delusional.  Every woman who has been physically assaulted makes a decision about what her life is worth and what she is willing to do to survive.  I suspect that, for myself, hurting my attacker would be more important to me than survival.  That is not a decision for everyone.

Also, I have played along with torture fantasies for callers.  There is a man who doesn't call often, thank god, who has a very violent torture and mutilation fantasy and I have no problem talking to him.  He is polite and he explains, in detail, what he wants.  He also asks if what he wants is something I think I can do before plunging into his fantasy.  I asked him once what he does if a PSO admits that she cannot handle his fantasy.  He seemed surprised by the question but, he told me that if it happens, he thanks her for her honestly and tells her that he's going to try another PSO.  He tries to hang up as fast as he can because he knows that we need long calls and he doesn't want to waste our time along with his own.  Very polite and informative enough for me to try to make the fantasy work even though I am really not into it.  He also wants a PSO who can cry on command.  I can force myself to cry most of the time but, I hate doing it.  I always end up with a raging headache when I try.

The first insult flinging jerk was literally the second caller I talked to.  He called in on the Domination line I am honestly not sure what he was really expecting.  He kept saying that he was submissive and then trying to push my buttons.  He tried the classic "You're not very good at this," to try to trip me up.  Its a standard freeze technique used against women, attacking their professionalism and their skill to get them to shut up.  Not a chance, asshole.  We ended up engaging in a verbal sparring match until he timed out and he sounded like he was having fun.  Twisted little bastard.  If he expected me to go into Extreme Slut Mode as soon as he said he likes to be dominated, he was disappointed.  That just never works.  Domination is just too broad a topic to dive into blind and the lazy ones seem to think that I'm telepathic.

Tell me that I can do whatever I want, stay on the line and see what happens.  I dare you.

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