Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Do's and Don'ts For Callers

When I started working as a phone sex operator, I only had a vague idea of what I was getting myself into.  I quickly learned that most of the callers didn't seem know much more than I did. So I decided to sit down and write a quick ‘how to’ guide for callers.  It’s a list of a few things I would love to tell callers when they call but, can’t because they get impatient when things don’t go the way they think that they should and hang up on me.  Imagine saying all of this shit to a caller.

First of all, before you even pick up that phone and start dialing, make sure your phone WORKS.   One of the most frustrating things I deal with is crappy cell phones.  There’s nothing that will kill the mood faster than an operator telling you, “I’m sorry, I can’t make out what you’re saying.  You want me to do what with your cock?”  Also, make sure your cell phone is fully charged and you’re in a place where you get a strong signal.  Dropping a call with a good phone sex operator when she’s starting to talk about all the hot, nasty things she going to do to you is just going to fucking annoy you and her.

Be prepared to talk.  A good phone sex operator will want to know a few things about you before she starts talking about fucking.  You don’t have to tell her the truth but, we really like it when you tell us something.  It helps build a fantasy with you if we can just hear you speaking and get to know a little about you.  Shy guys get flustered and hang up because they’re not expecting to be asked any questions.  Some guys like being what we refer to as ‘Silent Callers’ and, trust me, being silent is a really dumb way to try to get a good fantasy.  Some really annoying fuckers like to start with “I’ve been stroking my 12 inch cock and watching porn all night long.  What are you going to do for me?”   I’m going to tell you to keep watching porn and have a good night, because you obviously just want someone to provide sound effects.  Being treated like a recording does not inspire me to do anything except follow the rules.  If it bores you, too bad.  The best callers are the ones who use their own personas and discuss the fantasy they want to share before they dive in.  When you hear me say ‘hello’, introduce yourself, we’ll chat for a few, you’ll open up to me (because I’m fun to talk to) and tell me about that juicy fantasy you’ve been having involving a strap-on.  I’ll smile and start telling you about the toy party we’re going to go to where I’m going to fuck you in front of a room full of sexy women.  And then I’m going to share you  with the audience.

OK, I’m probably going to shatter a lot of illusions right now but, I’m going to tell you a little bit about what a phone sex operator is and is not.  Phone sex is an intense combination of acting and storytelling.  When I describe what I do for a living, I say I’m an ‘adult fantasy role-play operator’ because that’s the best description of what I do.  So, here goes the first illusion.  I AM NOT A WHORE. Got that? I am truly amazed about the sheer number of callers who think I am and truly believe I want to be called a sexy bitch right from the beginning.  Wrong.  I am an adult fantasy role-play operator and a goddamned good one.  I will tell you a story about an erotic encounter that will curl your toes, make you come, and have you calling back, begging for more.  I know I’m THAT GOOD because it happens to me every night I’m working.

Here’s another shattered illusion and it’s a rough one for a lot of callers: when you are speaking to me you are actually speaking to my persona, the character I’ve created for work.  This seems to piss off a lot of callers. Get over it. First of all, I am flat out forbidden by the company hosting the calls to give you any traceable, personal information.  Not, my name, address, phone number, email, nothing.  If I do, I will be kicked off the line and not allowed back on.  That’s true for every operator. So we all create personas and use them with every call.  I use a character's name, physical description, location, profession with every call and I absolutely hate the callers who call and hang up again because they think are going to find a hot, 18 year old girl who’s really into being gangbanged by a bunch of guys YOU chose.  You would have a better chance trying to pay for your kids’ college tuition by playing roulette in Las Vegas. It’s all FANTASY!  I’m sorry I’m busting your bubble but, really? Do you really think that there is some secret underground lair of horny girls just dying to fuck you?  Sounds like a really hot fantasy but, sorry it doesn’t exist.  Some callers are really obsessed with being told the truth.  The funny thing is they can’t even tell the difference.  One night, there was this guy just tearing up the phone lines. He called and asked his little list of questions and I started to recognize his voice.  By trial and error, I figured out he was looking for a blue-eyed blond starting her senior year of high school.  So I tell him what I know he wants to hear.  Then he says “Come on now, I want you to tell me the truth,” in a stern, daddy-knows-best kind of voice that would get him kicked in the balls if he tried it face to face.  I shrug and add a few years to my age, not even close to my real age but, now I’m curious.  I was a new operator and still getting my feet under me.  He has told me that he just wants to know he’s talking to a ‘real’ person and that the age doesn’t really matter.  I tell him I’m 21. He tells me, he will only talk to an 18 year old because that’s the only way he can get off and hangs up on me.  Asshole.  The very next call I get is the same asshole with the same stupid questions.  I pitch my voice higher, give him all the ‘right’ answers because now I know them and I know he’s a hypocritical liar.  We have hot, nasty phone sex and I end the call by telling him I’m 63, bald and covered in tattoos.  Stupid fucker.  To top off this bizarre tale, I still talk to this guy.  He still asks the same stupid questions. I give him the same stupid answers and he hangs up, spent and happy.

Last illusion to kick into the dust: I DO NOT MASTURBATE ON COMMAND. I do not hurt myself on command, either.  I actually had a guy on the line last week who ordered me to shove the largest dildo I own up my ass while we were talking about his day.  This was his fantasy.  No warm up, no getting to know you chat, nothing.  So, I ignore him and we keep talking about his day.  Five minutes later, he asks me if I’m fucking my ass with that dildo.  I tell him ‘no’.  He genuinely sounds hurt and confused when he asks me ‘why not, cause that really is my fantasy”.   “Yes,” I reply, “it is your fantasy and we can certainly role play that as soon as I get warmed up.”  “No, I just want you to do it. Right now. I want to hear you.”  I explain to him as gently as I can that I DO NOT MASTURBATE ON COMMAND.  This is fantasy and we can talk about whatever he wants.  “But I’m paying you.” “For phone sex. Not to listen to me grunt while I fuck my ass with a dildo.”  He hung up.  Fantastic, watch porn and I’ll talk to someone who wants to enjoy  a really hot fantasy.

(I wrote this just before I started blogging and forgot about it.  Just thought it was worth saving and it might be enjoyed)

No comments:

Post a Comment