Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Saturday, March 10, 2012

One Of My Favorites

Here I am again, thinking about work on my day off.  My plans for the day fell through because of crappy weather and the truth is I'm not bothered by that.  I rescheduled my plans, did some laundry and some cooking.  I tend to avoid tasks that make a great deal of noise on the days I work; not running the washing machine, drier, or dishwasher until after I am off the phone.  Before work, I focus on taking care of my pets or cooking.  In other words, tasks that require both hands.  Things tend to pile up until my 'weekend'.

While I was puttering around the house, I was reminded of a caller I haven't mentioned yet.  He is a Swiss financier who only calls when he is in the United States on business.  He may be a complete liar when it comes to his profession but, not about his country of origin.  English is not his primary language.  He sounds exactly like a Swiss foreign exchange student I knew in college.

The first time I spoke to him, I asked him the usual questions.  When I managed to pronounce his name and the name of his company correctly, he asked me if I spoke German.  I do not and told him so.  He asked me how my pronunciation could be so good.  I told him the truth; both of my grandmothers were first generation Americans and spoke more than English.  Let me explain this here.  One of my great-grandmothers was Russian and raised her daughter to be bi-lingual.  My other grandmother was a polyglot, though, for some reason, she was embarrassed to admit it.  She spoke English, Yiddish, and Hungarian and had a good basic understanding of German, Polish, and Russian.  She once admitted to me, after a few glasses of wine, that she could swear like a sailor in all six languages.  She then threatened to ground me if I told anyone that she spoke a foreign language, at all.  I pointed out that I was too old for that.  Didn't matter, she replied, she would find a way.  I laughed and asked her why she thought it was shameful to speak a foreign language.  My grandmother was not woman known for her self reflection but, she thought for a moment and gave me an honest answer.  She explained that all the adults in her family were immigrants and so completely focused on assimilating into American culture that they did not allow their children to speak anything but English.  She learned the other languages by listening to the adults speaking to each other in their native tongue and then practicing with other people in her neighborhood.  Of course, I did not explain all of this to the caller.  I simply told him that my grandmothers spoke German and Russian.  If I mispronounced a word in either language, I was corrected.  The end result is I am unusually good at pronouncing German and Russian names and a few words.

We started talking about his life and his experiences traveling in the United States.  He is married and has a open relationship.  His wife dates other men, he prefers more anonymous sex.  He is very happy with this because one of the main things he enjoys is cuckolding.  For those who are unfamiliar with the term, cuckolding means a man gets sexual gratification by his partner having intercourse with other people and sharing it with him in some form.  A lot of callers have this fantasy but, for the Swiss financier, it is more than a fantasy.  It is a lifestyle choice.  I don't understanding his fantasy on a personal level but, I do admire his honesty both with his wife and me.

He asked me to give my opinion on why Americans are so nuts on the subject of sex.  I blamed the Puritans and our modern idealization of them for that.  The Puritans were not that pure but, most Americans don't know that.  I also think Americans are, collectively, cultural Anglophiles.  We have a very idealized image of the 'good old days' that has very little to do with actual history and we, again collectively, prefer to not include sex.  He thought this was funny.  The Swiss financier explained that he traveled all over Europe as part of his work and regularly visited a number of sex clubs in various cities.  In the United States, he uses escort services, instead.  American sex clubs are pathetic, in his opinion.  I asked him why he hadn't called an escort instead of talking to me.  He told me that our prostitutes aren't very good either and thinks that it is because they are too fearful to enjoy themselves.  We did, finally, get into his fantasy.  He pointed out, toward the end of our conversation, that he found speaking with me more fun than having sex with a prostitute.  I consider it one hell of a compliment.

The second time we spoke, he teased me into trying to talk dirty in German.  He would say something, ask me to repeat it, and then explain to me what I was saying.  It sure as hell wasn't sexy but, it was funny.  We finally stopped laughing (it took awhile) and got into his fantasy.  Afterwards, I asked him if he had tried booking an escort before calling for phone sex, he said no.  He had been feeling run down and just wanted to lay back and have fun.  He explained that after speaking to me, he had been trying phone sex on a regular basis when traveling in the United States.  (Apparently, I was the first PSO he had spoken to).  I asked him how that was going.  He told me that he could find a PSO he enjoyed talking to about 30% of the time.  He preferred to speak to charming, intelligent, women with cosmopolitan attitudes.  Just talking dirty (unless it's in German) wasn't enough for him.  Again, one hell of a compliment.

The third time I spoke to him was definitely the strangest.  I said "Hello" and heard a male voice say "Gott sei Dank" (Thank God in German).  It was the Swiss financier.  He started to apologize right from the beginning and explained that he had one hell of a favor to ask me.  I braced myself, thinking that he was going to ask me to contact him outside of the phone sex line or get into a really raunchy fantasy (We had discussed my preferences for role-playing in the first call).  No to both.   What he wanted me to do was speak to the escort he had with him so I could explain his fantasy to her.  He considered it unbearably rude to ask me for help in this matter but, the woman could not understand him and they were both getting frustrated.  Well, this is a surprise.  I told him it was fine, it was not the first time I had spoken to a couple as a PSO (more on that some other time) and please pass the phone to her.

All a know about the escort is that she was a very fast-talking New Yorker with a thick regional accent and no patience.  She wanted to do whatever it took to get paid but, she didn't want to talk to the Swiss financier while she was fucking him, other than the usual 'fuck me, baby' bullshit.  She did understand that he wanted her to talk about fucking other men while they were having sex, she just didn't want to bother.  As far as she was concerned, there was no point, the Swiss financier wouldn't understand her, anyway.  Okay, great attitude.  I tell her I have a solution and, after I explain it to her, I ask her to pass the phone to the Swiss financier.  The escort huffs and hands him the phone.  I suggest to him that I stay on the line while he is having sex with the escort.  I will talk to him in character about his fantasy of being cuckolded, she will do the dirty work and not talk at all.  He asks me if I am okay with this.  I repeat that I have done something like this before and it is fine.  They get 'busy' and I start talking.

All the Swiss financier said, repeatedly, was "Thank you" after that.  I don't have an ending to this story, unfortunately.  The call timed out before they were finished and I haven't spoken to this man since.  I'm afraid that he might be too embarrassed to call back.  I have spoken to this man enough to believe that he would consider his 'rudeness' to me embarrassing.  I hope I am wrong.  I may not find his fantasy sexy but, I enjoy having fun and I had a blast each time I spoke to him.

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