I have NO idea how to do that (and I'm not trying it)

There is a guy who wants a PSO who can force herself to hiccup on command.  That is all I know about this freak.  I say "Hello," and he demands to know if I can hiccup for him.  He was so rude the first time, I said 'no' rather forcefully.  He hung up.  Apparently, this freak was having a hard time finding a PSO who could do what he needed because the next time I told him 'no', he demanded that I "drink some goddamned soda and I'll call back," and hung up.  Asshole.  Sure enough, I got him again and he asked if I was ready to hiccup for him.  No. "Why not?"  At this point, he is practically screaming with frustration.  "I don't drink fucking soda," I tell him.  It's perfectly true, I don't drink soda because I avoid anything made with corn syrup.  There was no soda in the house and I had (and have) no intention of changing my eating habits for some freak trying to get off.

Yesterday, I was talking to some blue-collar, Republican idiot and somehow we got on the subject of food.  I told him I don't eat anything with corn syrup in it.  This caller's response? "Don't tell me you are stupid enough to believe all that bullshit.  Sugar is sugar." That's right, folks.  This guy quotes a fucking lobbyist commercial to me and calls me stupid.  I was in a strange mood yesterday.  It felt like my usual flash fire temper had run out for a quickie vacation and forgot to let me know it was taking off for the beach.  (Trust me when I tell you it's back with a vengeance today.)  Instead of telling this caller to stop being 'a fucking moron', I calmly explain that I don't care what the research says about my body not being able to tell the difference because, for me, it's simply not true.  What I told him is almost true, which is funny because the first thing that he told me when we started talking is that he hung up on the last PSO for lying to him.  He described what happened, the girl lost track of her story and he called her out on it.  I don't what I said to convince him I was not lying but, of course, I was.  Telling the truth is not in my job description.

The almost-true part is what I told him about why I stopped eating corn syrup.  I started binge eating from stress in high school mostly because I was so busy I would forget (or not take the time) to eat in the morning and be ravenous in the afternoon.  I started to stretch it out to 2 or 3 days to avoid the crash for as long as possible.  The behavior got worse in college and started making me sick.  I started forcing myself to eat on a regular schedule but, the craving to binge never went away.  As I got older, I realized that the need to binge was worse the more processed food I ate.  The first thing I cut out was soda, then snacks, then just corn syrup in any food, then just as much processed food as possible.  With each thing I eliminated, the craving to binge lessened and my ability to feel full slowly returned.  I still binge, on occasion, but that might mean having toast late in the evening instead of eating my way through a bag of chips.  I don't care if the medical professionals have decided that binge eating disorder is purely psychological and has no physical component.  They are wrong.  I don't care if the Corn Refiners Association tries to tell me that their product is just another type of sugar.  They are lying to protect their profit margin.  For the first time in years, I feel like my body is not out of control and I am not giving that up to drink soda, or eat fast food or junk food.  It's just not worth it and the thought of eating that crap now makes me ill.  I don't crave it, or buy it, or eat it.

My caller listened to my polite rant about corn sugar in silence. He did try to inject a few pithy comments about trusting the experts until I pointed out that the 'expert' he was quoting was a commercial funded by the Corn Refiners Association.  He gave up and we moved onto other topics.  The Republican Canadian cabdriver called today and I had a wonderful time talking to him about art. We, wisely, chose to avoid the subject of politics aside from him letting off a few rumbles about stupid Liberals.  This is the part that still trips me out about all of these men.  They accept whatever the Conservative Right tells them is true without question but, if I offer an opposing viewpoint, they tell me I'm stupid.  Half the time they don't even know what the opposing viewpoint really is and they reject it because it is not what they have been told by the Right.  They are utterly enraged if I disagree with them on any of their bullshit and literally, scream at me.  If you heard this, you would think that I am slicing off their dicks, one inch at a time.  And feeding those slices to my dog.  I won't even begin to comment on the hypocritical concept of 'voting with God' and patronizing a phone sex line at the same time.

Someone, anyone, tell me why these jackasses thing that they have the innate right to tell me what to think?  Because, they are paying me?  Because I'm not a 'good girl'?  What?  Being a PSO does not mean that I am brain dead, in fact, it is the exact opposite.  It takes some brains to do what I do.  And that means I read and think for myself and make my own decisions.  Get over it.

If you are going to change my mind about anything, it's going to take a hell of a lot more than just volume.  I can yell right back and I know I can get louder than you can.