Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Be Careful What You Say

I'm into watching paranormal shows, something that both my friends and several callers know.  It started with Ghost Hunters, and the spin off.  Then I found Ghost Adventures, the Haunted, Paranormal State and the Dead Files.  The less said about the last two, the better.  The host and lead investigator of the Paranormal Files seems to need psychiatric treatment and the psychic on the Dead Files wants to be the next Lorraine Warren.  Like Lorraine Warren, the psychic on the Dead Files states that the world of the supernatural is incredibly frightening and not a place for amateurs to play.  Of course, she considers herself to be a qualified expert.  In fact, she seems to believe that she is the only qualified expert around.  Everything is dark and dangerous.  Though, unlike Lorraine Warren, she does not toss the word 'demonic' around like confetti.  As far as I can tell, her expertise comes from being born with psychic ability and that is the only qualification she considers valid.  To top it off, she actively discourages other 'talents' from exploring their abilities.

To be clear, I am honestly not sure whether or not I believe in ghosts or psychics.  My rational mind tells me to only trust what I can quantify.  However, I have had experiences that make me question the nature of the world we live in.  That is what I love about these shows and those investigators .  They believe but, they want evidence to support that belief.  They're are a lot like me.

However, I am kind of pissed off at Zak Bagans, the lead investigator and 'star' of Ghost Adventures. Because I am a PSO, I am sensitive to how women are addressed in any given situation.  I already was because I am a feminist.  Now that I work in the exciting field of sex entertainment, I am a hundred times worse.  The best example of the behavior I'm talking about is from the movie, Nuts, starring Barbara Streisand.  Throughout the movie, the character she portrays is referred to as a 'girl'; a sick girl, a confused girl, a bad girl, whatever.  The character is a high priced escort who kills a john in self defense.  She is a sophisticated woman clearly in control of her own life, no matter what anyone thinks about her profession.  She might be crazy but, she is not a girl.  As a PSO, I have become accustomed to men talking down to me automatically.  I realize that they are making an assumption about me but, I cannot put my finger on what it is.  It is not simply a matter of thinking that I am stupid, or crazy, or depraved because they think that a PSO is a whore and a whore is all of those things.  It is a combination of all of those things and something more.  It is the idea that a woman who sells sex for a living does not have the right to own her own body.

How does this apply to Zak Bagans?  I was watching his recap show filmed in his personal dungeon one night and they showed a clip of his 'apology' to the spirit of a prostitute who committed suicide in Virginia City, NV.  According to Zak, he acted like an asshole during his first investigation, taunting the ghost named 'Rose' about her suicide.  From the clip he showed, I agree.  He was a complete and utter jerk the first time he investigated the alleged haunting of room 11.  He returned to the room years later with a bouquet of flowers to apologize.  All well and good, until it was time for him to leave and he demanded a hug or a kiss from the spirit in return for bringing her flowers.  He stated that he felt he deserved it.  Back to being an asshole, Zak.  A person does not 'deserve' anything after offering an apology for their behavior and I feel that if this spirit had not been a prostitute, he would not have thought what he said was appropriate.  He wouldn't have demanded a hug and and a kiss from a mother who committed suicide from despair after losing a child, or an elderly woman who killed herself instead of facing the pain of a terminal illness, or a teenage girl.  Somehow, knowing this spirit had been a sex worker changed his behavior toward her and I am sure he had no idea that he was doing it.  He spoke to her the same way callers speak to me and it pissed me off.  Unlike Zak Bagans, I know something of the history of prostitution in the Old West.  I doubt that the spirit of a woman who ended her live to escape that misery would have any interest in hugging or kissing anyone in return for an 'apology' and a bouquet of flowers.

I know that bitching about how a TV host spoke to a spirit that might not exist is ridiculous but, I would bet money that if Zac Bagans spoke to me, he would adopt the same condescending tone and mannerism and I would be forced to verbally eviscerate the little cretin.  I have spent the entire evening abusing callers (and having a blast) by making it clear that I am in control of my sexuality even in the context of phone sex and they were not going to dominate me or talk down to me.  A caller told me that he was going to shove his dick in my face and force me to suck it.  I told him that he better be prepared to lose an inch because I was going to use my teeth to rip a chunk off and spit it back in his.  Instead of hanging up on me, he loved it and stayed on the line.  Another little shit started waving his dick around (and this was for a Cougar fantasy) and expected me to be utterly dazzled by this display of manhood.  I asked him why he thought a successful, independent, sophisticated woman would be interested in his little barnyard strut because an 8 inch cock just isn't that hard to find.  He had no answer.  By the end of the call, that little boy was calling me "ma'am".  The last caller of the evening shamefully admitted to me that his fantasy was meeting a woman as strong willed as I am and dominating her.  I sighed, and started to point out that if I met him in real life I would avoid him like the plague but, we ran out of time.  He kept asking me "don't you want to get married and take care of your man?"  (Believe it or not, he is not the first caller I have dealt with who has this fantasy.)  The truthful answer is complex.  I have been in love and I did 'take care of my man' and my man, in return, treated me with an enormous amount of respect.  I would love to experience that kind of intimate relationship again and, having had that kind of relationship, I would never settle for anything less. 'Taking care of my man' does not involve being degraded or abused in any form, as far as I am concerned.  In the realm of phone sex?  I get to do whatever I want with little consequence.  If one caller doesn't like my 'attitude', it's almost guaranteed that the next caller will love it.

A lot of boys seem to like a girl with fangs.

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