Looking foolish does the spirit good. The need not to look foolish is one of youth's many burdens; as we get older we are exempted from more and more, and float upward in our heedlessness, singing Gratia Dei sum quod sum. - Johm Updike

Thanks be to God that I am what I am

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Shy My Ass

The hosting company staff refers to Silent Callers as 'shy'.  This is utter bullshit.  In my experience, callers use silence as a way to audition PSOs.  By not speaking, they get a chance to listen to a PSO's voice to decide if they like it.  They also get a chance to find out how much effort a PSO will put into getting their attention.  If the caller doesn't like what he hears, he hangs up.  If they like what they hear, they start talking.  Mr Gross-and-Boring uses this technique, so does the Psycho-Canadian.  In fact, 'shy' callers tend to be the worst.  They have the most exacting fantasies or they like to piss me off. Or both.

The exception is the Sleeper.  These callers are rare but, what they like to do is pretend to sleep and have a PSO listen to them fake sleeping.  I am not kidding.  There are men out there who pay to have a complete stranger listen to them fake being asleep.  The first time I experienced this was shortly after I started.  There had been a Silent Caller tearing up the lines, hanging up on me over and over again.  I was ready to tear out my hair.  In case you are wondering, I was able to identify this caller by the back round noise.  So I used my general philosophy of 'when in doubt, confront the annoying behavior head on,' and just said"Well, if you're not going to talk to me, I'll just listen to you do nothing."  I assumed that he would jerk off and hang up.  Instead, he started faking a really loud snore.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  It was well done but, still very obviously what he thought a sleeper should sound like (think Saturday morning cartoons) instead of what a person sleeping actually sounds like that I nearly started laughing.  I kept my mouth shut and listened to him fake snoring at me for over half an hour before he timed out.  And he called back.  The funniest thing about this utterly bizarre caller is that is was very apparent that he was listening to every move I made.  If he heard the slightest amount of back round noise from my end, he would start to 'wake up'.  As soon as I stopped doing whatever it was that was making the noise, he would settle down and start to 'snore' again.  I finally laid back and just listened.

Hell, I nearly fell asleep myself.

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